Quick Takes Friday: John the Baptist and the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

1. I teach kindergarten CCD once a week. (Note: Never again. Never, ever, ever again.) When they first come into the room, I have a children's bulletin with coloring activities at every spot. They work on this for a bit before our story. This week it was about John the Baptist and it had a picture of him baptizing people in the river; the kids were supposed to find the differences between two pictures.

One little boy was confused as to why John was drowning people. I quickly explained full-immersion baptism, which the kids probably haven't seen. (It's clear the children all attend Mass but our parish doesn't do full-immersion baptisms.) The group thought for a moment and then someone's eyes lit up and he said, "Oh! Like when you dump a bucket of ice on someone's head?"

It took everything in me to not burst into hysterical laughter. I mean, great connection, right? But how hysterical would it be to baptize people via the ALS ice bucket challenge?

2. George began piano last month. He likes it and is doing very well. We finally went and got him a keyboard. He practices frequently, much more than a certain older brother of his. (I'm looking at you, Joe.) Of course, this creates draaaammmma because Cole is not taking piano lessons. Cole likes to go up to the keyboard, turn it off and scream, "I DO PEE-ANO TOO!"

Keep in mind, Cole takes preschool music classes at the same place George takes piano and Joe has cello lessons!

3. Camille now wants to take piano. It's official; I coach swimming so my kids can take music lessons.

4. Speaking of swimming. I have four weeks off until the next session begins. This is working out well, since both boys have recitals, Joe has a strings concert and its generally just a busy season for us. I may pick up some hours here and there but I'm off for awhile.

5. My older two kids have several sticks of deodorant each. Cole has been swiping one and applying it. My four year old now smells like a tween boy who is having a love affair with Axe.

6. I think we over bought for Christmas- again. At least I can put some of Camille's away for her birthday.

7. I got to read a short story a friend wrote and helped her brainstorm the title. It was really fun to talk shop with a REAL writer- she's published! You bet I will pimp her story out when it goes live.

hop over to Jen's for more quick takes!

Overheard: The Weaslys and manliness

I have a swimmer who says the most random and hilarious stuff. The most recent: I'm somewhere between manliness and bar mitzvah.

I just laughed. The kid in question is about six!

***

There's a girl who I refer to as my Honorary Fifth Child because I used to watch her in the AM before school. We carpool to CCD together and like to chat about Harry Potter and Doctor Who. Last night, the little boys were running down hallways at the school and she said, "You know, you're family reminds me of the Weaslys, minus three kids and the ginger."

I jokingly said, "Do I look like Molly Weasly?" and did a, "NOT MY DAUGHTER!" imitation.

And that, dear readers, is why our parish thinks we are nuts.

Call it a hunch

I'm going back to work as a swim coach and I have to re-take some training classes. No big deal, it's all basic safety stuff. However, open-water swimming is part of the training.

Call it a hunch but I doubt I'm going to need to know how to spot a shark- you know, living in a land locked state and all! It was pretty funny... Adam overheard the clip and asked, "WHAT are you training for?!"

***
Cole: Mommy, what we having for dinner?
Me: chicken and biscuits
Cole: I help?
Me: Sure.
Cole: Okay! I need hard boil egg with yolk, apples and applesauce! I get the apples!

We settled for making applesauce muffins to go with the chicken.

Quick Takes Friday: Summer is almost here

1. George had his preschool graduation this week. Adam and I are so not "graduation ceremonies for ALL THE GRADES" type people but this one is special for George. He's leaving the safety of the preschool where he has been for three years for the wilds of kindergarten. I know and trust and adore the kindergarten teachers but... sniff.

When I think back to where he was and where he is now... wow. At his first program for preschool (Christmas 2011) he sat there and refused to sing. He wouldn't do the hand movements. He cried when I came. This time, he sang with his class, talked out of turn, danced and had a great time. In short, he acted like a ... normal?... five year old. Whoa.

2. If I thought April was a busy month for us, it has nothing on May. There are end of the year forms to fill out, fees to pay. I need to make sure everyone is enrolled for school in the fall. I'm checking shoes and buying sneakers. (Thank you, Zulily, for having the one thing I can't get as hand-me-downs for cheap!) The kids are signed up for various camps and I need to pay for VBS. Oh, and do I have end of the year teacher gifts? (No. No I do not.)

3. Cole: Mommy, I want pop-scile.
Me: You can have a Popsicle after school, buddy.
Cole: But my school over!

He had a point and his school was indeed over for the day... so he got a Popsicle.

4. Adam and I went to a baseball game Tuesday. His work provided free tickets, loaded with x amount of money for food. I go to games for the food and to hang out with Adam. I also refuse to go during the summer. I like baseball well enough but not enough to sit in hot stands and swelter. We had nachos and hamburgers and all sorts of goodies. A nice man who was in town for a conference sat behind us and we talked about kids, IEPs, the difference between where we live and Southern accents. The guy lives in the one place where we would move to if Adam changed jobs within his field. I really hope he wasn't put in our lives because God is planning for us to move!

5. The kids have a three day weekend and then 3.5 days of school.  No, it doesn't make sense.

6. I am looking forward to the long weekend. We're getting into a good swing around here. Adam has some car and yard work to do. We're headed to a friends house for dinner one night. It reminded me that we may be able to try and entertain again. We like to have friends over but the kids have prevented that. Maybe I have the guts to try?

7. Let's Surf, shall we?
10 Things Moms of Boys Must Do- Read this if you have a male in your life. It's awesome and so true!

As Long as It's Healthy...- Let's not make health a condition of loving someone. I would also like to add that just because you have a baby without any additional needs at birth doesn't mean it will stay that way. It's a fallible world. Kids get sick, they get cancer, they have delays and disorders. I don't love my kids any less because they have additional needs. Would you? No? Then why your fetus?

What is Apraxia and Why Should You Care?- One of the best articles I have read on CAS.

Overheard: Are you her sister?

The DRE, to my sister: I know who you are! You're Laura's sister!

The principal: Oh, yes, I saw your sister! I had to do a double take, wondering if I really missed something!
(My sister is having a baby so she's visibly pregnant)

A friend of Adam's from work: Um, is your wife pregnant?
Adam: No, but my sister-in-law is!

I joked that this was PAYBACK. Every time I go to visit my parents, I am mistaken for her or am HER sister. I told my sister she should have looked confused and said, "No, I'm Laura!" and really messed with people.

***

Cole: I Cole. I four and I have TWO red light sabers!

Cole napped through most of my awesome dental experience. When he woke, he looked confused and then said the above. It was adorable.

Overheard: Darth Vader and Jesus

It's very, very rare that I allow the kids to take a toy (beyond a lovey or a book about Jesus) to Mass. When they were little, they hung out in my lap, nursed or went to the nursery. Once they were about two, toys became more of a problem than they were worth. Aside from the fact that we have great sound in our parish AND marble floors... the fighting. Oh, the fighting.

I made an exception this Easter, though, since we were arriving early and there would be more waiting. Cole grabbed a Stormtrooper my mom bought him and said something about the storm trooper coming to church.

"Well, if anyone needs a Savior, it's the storm troopers!" Adam joked.

"Maybe we should get the Daleks and Darth Vader," I said. "Darth Vader REALLY needs a Savior."

Camille looked at me and said, "Mom, Darth Vader died for his son. I think he gets the point."

Um, yeah, and so do you, my dear.

***

From Facebook: If I enrolled my kids in golf lessons this summer, will I loose my hippie license and officially be a yuppie mom? 

***

Me: George, today is St. George's Day! It's a special day when we celebrate St. George!

George: ME?!

Me: Well, sort of. St. George was a pretty cool guy who road into a town on a horse, saved a princess and killed a dragon.

George: Mommy, when I growned up, I will kill a dragon but I be too big to live with you!

****

From Facebook, again:
Me: I can' believe my kid wants to be up at 7 am on a Saturday to be at Mathletics.

Adam: No, MY kid wants to do math on a Saturday. YOUR kid would run away screaming!

Overheard: You've been middle named!

Whenever one of the kids gets in trouble, they get middle named. Their first and middle names snapped in a sharp tone means they'd better knock it off now or else.

Today George was a hot mess and Adam said, "GEORGE DAVID, knock it off!" several times. Of course this made George frustrated with Adam and at one point, George snapped, "DADDY DAVID, stop!"*

Adam was laughing so hard he left the room!

*Adam's middle name is not David but it makes perfect sense that George would think George David= trouble, Daddy David (middle name) would equal the same thing!

Overheard: I hate it and cracks in the wall

The other day we were in the toy section of Target, which is near the electronics section. An ad for The Jungle Book came on the TV and Cole stood transfixed as bears danced on the screen.

Of course my mind went to "easter or birthday gift!" and I said, "Cole, do you think you would like to see that movie?"

"No."

"No? Are you sure? It's a fun movie."

No. It stupid. I hate it."

Nice kid. Then why are you watching it like it is the best thing since sliced bread?

***

I have a Dyson vacuum that has a super long telescoping handle. It's great because I can reach to vacuum most corners of the ceiling. Camille came in to watch me and huffed, "Really, Mom?"

"Yes, really," I said.

She huffed again and then pointed to a crack in the wall. "There's a crack in the wall."

I looked at her and grinned. "Are you sure that's just a crack?"

"Very funny."

Amelia Pond and the Doctor

 Yeah... Camille kinda looked like that.

***
The priest said, "Jesus doesn't want you to worry! Be happy!"

The History Channel: God consistently calls the least of us to do the biggest things.

Me: That Holy Spirit clue by four really hurt. I wish He would be more gentle.
Adam: You're too dense. He needs to hit you hard!

Quick Takes Saturday

1. I'm sitting here, eating popcorn, in a house that is quiet. Adam has taken the kids grocery shopping by himself. God love the man!

2. Adam and the two big ones are going to a swim party for an Adventure Guides group they belong too. George is beside himself so I insanely promised to take him swimming at our gym. It's January in the midwest! Brrrr.

3. The kids are into Doctor Who with us. I love it because we can watch most of the shows together and it's not some kiddie show. We still watch an insane amount of Jake and the NeverLand Pirates or Mickey Mouse but Doctor Who is fun too. My favorites are the ones where they go back in time and find aliens. I mean, aliens in outer space is fairly predictable. Aliens in Elizabethan England? Well, that's different.

4.  Cole has informed me that his favorite characters are Darth Vader and the Daleks. I'm never going to introduce him to Harry Potter or he might fall in love with Lord Voldemort!

5. Today, we had this conversation:
Me: Cole, where are your Darth Vader shoes?
C: I no have Darth Vader shoes!
Me: The red ones. Where are they.
C: Darth Vader black! He not red!
Me: Fine! The Darth MAUL shoes. Where are they?
C: Oh. I don't know.

6. And this one:

Cole: Doctor kill Daleks.

Me: He killed the Daleks.

C: Yeah! Two.

Adam: How many are left now?

C: One!

Me: Well, that's a fairly accurate summary of the show!

7. We're getting ready for a big day Monday. Our baby girl turns EIGHT!

Trapped at Target

Yesterday, Cole and I made a trek to Target because... duh. No, really, we had a mission! Camille turns 8 on monday and we needed to buy her another small gift. (I ordered her big gift from Amazon- one of those diaries that will only open to your voice. She's been asking for one and Adam gave me a weird look when I told him what I was getting her. She lives in a house with three brothers. Enough said.) I also wanted to look at towels in person because we are re-doing the master bath this spring.

Yes, I realize how lame the first part of that sentence sounded.

We pulled up to Target and Cole started clapping. He said, "Mommy, I go Tar-get and get car BOOM!"

"Oh, you're going to Target to get a monster truck?" I asked, parroting back his words.

"Yay!" he cheered. "I get car boom!" I started laughing, realizing I had been HAD by a three year old.

We complete our shopping trip, which included a car boom AND Goldfish crackers, and then I realized . . . I hadn't seen my keys the entire trip.

At all.

We went over to the food court and I dumped out my entire purse, looking for my keys. Nothing.

Popping Cole in the cart, I went back to the car and saw my keys still in the ignition, surrounded by five locked doors. I looked at Cole. He showed me his monster truck. I sighed and called Adam.

Adam didn't answer his phone. Of course. I sent him a text, hoping his phone was on even if he was in a meeting. He didn't reply.

Cole and I trekked back into Target and parked ourselves in the food court with popcorn and a soda. While the monster truck ate popcorn, I sent a text to my sister for laughs ("I think this is every mom's dream and every husband's worst nightmare- unlimited time at Target!") and contemplated doing more shopping. But, hey, since Cole was happily eating and playing, I stayed put, thankful I did my errands right after lunch rather than right before school let out.

About fifteen minutes into our snack, Adam sent me a text that said, "I'm on my way. What Target?" I told him and added, "Are you going to mock me?"

"Yes," was the reply. I love you too, honey.

Adam showed up just in time and tossed me my keys. Cole cheered and showed him his new car. I've jokingly referred to Adam as the Prince Charming since then- he even has a white steed! (His car is white.) I suppose there are many, many worse places to be stuck than a nice warm Target with my littlest buddy (trust me, I've been stuck in some of them!)

Oh and the towels? That's a rant for another day. For over 12 dollars A TOWEL the things had better walk themselves to the washer!

Overheard and a bonus vacation day

The kids were supposed to go back to school today but the temps are so cold, they've canceled school! Not that I'm complaining- we've had a wonderful break and gotten into a good routine. Still, they are anxious to get back to their friends!

Cole's found his voice recently and he says the most HILARIOUS things! Right now he's shoving Matchbox cars in my face and saying, "What this car name?" Since these are not from the movie Cars, I have to name them on the spur of the moment. So far, we have Shark Car, Corvette, Yellow Car, Blue Car, and Missile. What can I say, I can't name cars!

Me: Cole, is there any particular reason why you have to strip off all your clothes every time you use the potty?
Cole: Nope. Five!
Adam: You have five reasons?
Cole: Yep!

Me: (counting) One... two... three... what comes after three?
Cole: ME!

Cole: I have two grandma, two grandpa.

Me: Who are your big brothers?
Cole: Georgie. Cami. Joe!

Every time he says "yellow" it comes out "yoyo." I've asked his speech therapist to please never correct him!

The other day I was being silly and dancing in the car. Normally Cole screams, "NO DANCE!" but this time he and George joined right in, complete with farting noises. Lovely. I turned to look back at them and saw the people in the car next to me were giving a thumbs up, laughing and clapping. I just laughed... and then noticed the Rosary and "Keep Christ in Christmas" sticker on their car! Adam swears I will probably run into them at church!

Proof that 2013 wasn't all bad (Or, as close as I will get to a Christmas letter)

When I complain that there wasn't a single thing about 2013 I really care to remember, Adam rolls his eyes. I didn't even make a quick note for the back of our Christmas card this year because I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't depress the piss out of people.

(Yes, I said that. Sorry.) Instead, it said something like, "Looking forward to joy and peace in 2014!" I thought that was generic enough for people that didn't need to know ALL. THE. THINGS. while people who did know would get it.

Anyway, when I get like this, Adam makes me think of all the GOOD things that happen. Honestly, sometimes it's hard. But with Dwija's link up, I think I might. I can find one good thing every month, right? Like...

January- Camille turned seven and we surprised her with a PINK bedroom!

February: George potty trained!

And who can forget....

March: Pope Francis love. Visiting my parents and sister and co for my mother's birthday. Painting the inside of the house.

before

after

April: Oh, April. Traveling to New York for my uncle's funeral. Cole turned three. Joe turned nine.Miss Who was born... on Joe's birthday! March for Babies.

The HILLS! They were alive, people! And trees! Big trees! But no Bigfoot.

May: Mother's Day and a road trip with just my big ones.

Camille tried on the wedding dress my grandmother, aunt, mother, myself AND sister wore! Joe ate too much bacon and I visited Miss Who and co again. And the chicken pox. Whoa to the chicken pox!

June: The Epic VBS Disaster, another trip to see my parents, and chicken pox, 2013, part two! Cole also potty trained and we had ZERO KIDS IN DIAPERS, YAY!

Cole also spent the entire summer in swim trunks. It was hilarious!

We went to a local garden to see LEGO statues. 

July: One does not speak about July. Ever

Well, we did go to Wisconsin again. But other than that....

August: My birthday and massive DIY projects inspired by Pinterest. 

I did not make this dry sink. My uncle, who passed away in April, did.
I changed out the hardware.

September: First Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season and the NICU Reunion and a fun trip to Austin with friends!

October: Halloween! My sister came to visit and we had awesome, awesome photos taken.

I have no Halloween pictures. Instead, I give you adorableness at the pumpkin patch:

November: Surprise trip to CO, George turned five and had a huge party, Thanksgiving and the NICU Thanksgiving.

And the hats. Don't forget the 80 hats we had donated to the NICU!

Can you smell the turkey toniiiight?

December: Camille's First Reconcilliation. Joe's first strings concert. Food allergy results. A new diet. And CHRISTMAS!

It took all year to get this good photo!
A big thank you to my brother-in-law for taking it!

Looking back, it seems like the beginning of the year- Camille's new room, painting the house, the Conclave- all happened in a "before" life.There's been an "after" since July, where it feels like the world is a bit topsy-turvy. Now that they year is nearly over, I feel like I have my feet under me a bit and I'm returning to a new me. It's defiantly been a journey.

Am I sad to see 2013 go? Not really. In some ways, this year has perhaps been the most defining year for me and my extended family. We've gone through trial under fire. Do I think we will all be better for it? Sure, in some way. Does that mean I want us to go through any of this again? Um, hell no!

Am I looking forward to 2014? YES! Like I posted yesterday, I have hope that things will be better, Hope that things I feared won't be as bad. Hope that I have someone on my side who can advocate with me. 

And, geez, in 2014 Camille will turn eight and have her first Communion. Joe will turn TEN! Cole will be four. George will start kindergarten and all that it brings. It will be Joseph's last year in elementary school. Friends will be coming to town for a retreat. My cousins and I are talking of getting together this summer. 2014 will mark the end of so many firsts and eternal anniversaries but the beginning of so much more.

I can't help but... for the first time in a long time... I can't help but hope.

Overheard: My family is insane

(The holiday gift guide is still going on! Click here to enter!)

I've had alot of reviews going on recently. If you haven't checked them out or entered, GO. DO. SO. NOW. They are awesome.

Although we've been busy reviewing products, like has still plugged along. Halloween was awesome. Joe and Cami (Steve from Minecraft and a cheerleader) brought home a huge haul of candy. While George and Cole (Power Ranger and Monster Truck driver) still can only do a few blocks before pooping out, those two went all over the neighborhood! We live in a small area- but it's not so small when you are stopping at every house!

The Herd (and my husband) have been great for random quotes this past week:


The other night, Adam and I were in bed watching TV:

ME: Oooohhhh, go to the history channel! "10 things you never knew about presidential assassinations!"

Adam: You are the weirdest wife.

Me: Hey, I'm not the one who married me! Come on, would you rather watch that or House Hunters?

Adam: You can stop blaming Joseph's interest in history on your father, you know. 

One Sunday, Cole woke up in bed with us. He sat up and began talking. Adam rolled over and groaned, not wanting to get out of bed. I poked him, telling him to get up!

Me: Daddy needs to get up and make the casserole (for the soup kitchen),

Cole: Daddy make cass-role. I eat DONUT!

At the zoo, with extended family:

Cami: what's that?

Me: lions

Cami: it sounds like the cello!

We went to the zoo to see the new penguin exhibit. The littles have penguins for their lovies and they were super excited to see real penguins. The animals were really friendly and came right up to the window to see us!

Me: Cole what do penguins eat?

Cole: snow balls!

It was so adorable I kept asking him, "What do penguins eat?" He finally got sick of me and said, "HAM!"

Well. That's mildly disturbing.

The best for last:

George: What this?

Me: Squash. Try it. It's like pumpkin.

George: Squash not pumpkin! I not eat squash! Squash live in the forest!

Me: (completely and utterly confused)

Adam: Oh! No! It's not SASQUATCH! It's just SQUASH! We're not eating BIGFOOT.

Regular posting will resume soon! Meanwhile, go enter some giveaways and enjoy the fall!

Overheard: Ben Franklin

Adam and I were in the car when we heard an ad for a local Halloween store. We both looked at each other:

Me: Did I hear that right? Sexy Ben Franklin?

Adam: Yeahhh...

Me: That is the dumbest costume idea ever.

Adam: Franklin got around but a sexy Ben Franklin costume is weird.

Me: Why do all the women and girl costumes have to sexy? Boys can be doctors but girls only have the "sexy doctor" costume.

Adam: Yeah, guys can be sexy too...

That wasn't what I meant but he has a point.

Quick Takes Friday: Overheard and computer problems

1. My computer died late Saturday night. It was an epic death, complete with chicken pox like spots on the screen. It also left me freaking out that the novel I have been working on for two years was gone, gone, gone. This has happened once before (and we do not speak of that time, ever), so you would think I have stuff backed up, right? Ah, no. I didn't.
2. BUT I DO NOW! I went to visit the Nice Computer People. The NCP told me that my old laptop was notorious for giving people chicken pox spots and then dying an epic death. I told them that I didn't care about the computer but I did want all the files and, if possible, all the photos. (Yes, THOSE I had backed up on-line!) The NCP sold me a new to me computer, transferred all my files and everything is now backed up on a USB port. They also gave me a discount on the computer. I lub them.
3. We went to visit my parents this past weekend (which is where the computer death took place and my father had to talk me down). While we were there, Cole kept asking, "I eat ice cream cone? I eat ice cream cone?" I told him that if he looked at my parents charmingly and asked for an ice cream cone, I bet he would get one.
   
   He did and he did... in fact, he got two. Little turkey!
4. One the way home, he wasn't quite so cute. He napped really, really well for about 3/4ths of the way home and then woke up. For an entire HOUR, we had this conversation:
   
   Cole: Mommy, we go home?
   Me: Yes, Bear, we're going home.
   Cole: Okay. (two seconds later) Mommy, we go home?
   Me: Cole, what did I just say?
   Cole: We go home. (one second later) Mommy, we go home?
   
   I would have turned up the radio but we didn't get any stations! Ah!
5. Higgins the giant pesky dog continues to get on my ever-loving last nerve. When the kids play outside, we chain him to the house. Yes, the house. Yes, he is that big. If we don't chain him up, he runs away. (Don't feel bad for him. He has a fenced in backyard and several walks a day.) Somehow, he got off the chain. How, I am not sure. His caller was on, the chain wasn't broken and the clip was still intact. Yet, there he was, running down the street.
   
   Me, on the phone to Adam: I am standing outside, freezing my toes off, because YOUR DOG got off the chain.He still has his collar on. His chain is fine. He's running off down the street with YOUR CHILDREN chasing after him.
   Adam: Poor baby.
   Me: And CAMI ATE ALL MY GUMMIES!
6. Cole: Me lollipop! Me TWO LOLLIPOP!
7. I'm still getting used to this new computer. The keyboard is smaller and I need to re-install stuff like my Kindle app and bookmarks. Thankfully, though, everything seems to work okay.
   
   Head over to Jen's for more quick takes! And back up your hard drive!

Overheard: Grown up!

I walked the kids to school this morning. This week, I have been able to get a good mile+ walk in (from school to home, not counting home to school) twice. Considering it is hot, I don't like to sweat and I really don't like getting up early, I'm pretty pleased with myself. My appetite has been off but when I do feel like eating, I've been making wise choices. I think I've lost a little weight!

Anyway, the crossing guard on school grounds was a para in George's preschool classroom last year. She has since moved to working in another area of the school but still pops in to say hello to "her" kids.

Me: George, look there's Miss NAME.

George: Yeah, she not in my class now.

Me: No, no she isn't.

G: Yes, she all growned up now and had to leave!

Overheard: The Beatles

Joseph: Computer class is fun but I only get to research boring stuff like The Beatles and Amelia Earhart.

Me: Beatles, like the music group?

Joe: Yeah, they're boring.

Me: Are you serious?!

Joe: Yes.

Not my son! SOOOO not my son!

Overheard: hair cut

I attempted to cut the little boys' hair on Monday. After I was done, I was prepping them for a bath and running my fingers through their hair. To myself, I muttered, "This looks good."

George said, "Because you cut it, Mommy."

Ah, who is my favorite kiddo? This one!

Overheard: catch up

We were driving home on evening when a huge cloud of exhaust from a lawn mower blew in front of the car. Even though the windows were up, it stunk and George said, "Pee-yew! That smells bad! Like my poop!"

***
Me: Joe, where's the vacuum?
Joe: Outside. Dad's using on the body.
[beat]
Me: You mean the car, right?

***
When I was visiting my parents, I called home to make sure everyone (Adam) was still alive. The connection was bad and all I heard was, "We didn't go to the ER! Can't talk now, bye!"

Now, Adam and I joke a lot. Something told me he wasn't joking, though! I actually called my friend Jen to do a re-con mission at my house to see what the heck had happened. Not two minutes later, I got a text from our SLP reminding me there was no speech this week and that George had slipped during his lesson. He had busted open his chin.

Really, the poor kid has enough oral issues without cutting his mouth open!

****
Me: Man, I hate it when all the reading and prayers in church, like, speak to you and crap.
Adam: Awe, did you get bit by the Holy Spirit?
Me: No. I got smacked upside the head with His cast iron frying pan.*Again*

***
We were outside, questioning Cole on why he had poo on his tushie but, um, not in his underwear.

Me: Cole, did you poo in the potty?
Cole: NO POOP POTTY!
Me: Where did you put your poop?
Cole: [evil grin] HOUSE!

Nice work saying "house" buddy but the rest of the conversation concerns me.

Are you my mother?

This week, I visited my sister’s family. Miss Who was having surgery so I went up to cheer her (and her parents) on. This time, we managed to not dress alike but we still look like, well, sisters and have (apparently) similar mannerisms. I was standing in the doorway of Miss Who’s room when a doctor came down the hall and said, “I know who’s sister you are!” He promptly tripped over a wayward IV pole and I contemplated throwing my body over the baby, to protect her from him. I mean, if the man can’t walk straight, he can’t be trusted to preform medical procedures on my sweet niece, right?

(No, he’s fine. Actually, he is the epitome of awesomeness, has earned the nickname Dr. Patronus and I am adopting him. He is THAT wonderful!)

So, right away this doctor pegged us as sisters. Fine, no problem. But as we were leaving my sister stopped to talk to the nurse at the front desk. They chatted about the baby (who is loved and adored by the entire staff AS IT SHOULD BE) and then the nurse asked, “Is this your mother?”

Blink.

Blink.

Now, I had just come off a looong train ride. I was brewing a pretty good migraine and really, really needed a glass of water and some dinner. There was a chance I had heard wrong.

But no.

My sister and I kinda looked at each other and I said, “No. I’m her older sister but I’m only 8 years older.” We said good night and left, befuddled.

The next morning, we told our mother this story, chuckling. I said, “I don’t even have grey hair! I’m not that old! I don’t even- no offense- dress like a grandma!”

“Well, you do dress like a mom,” she said practically. “Because, you know, you ARE one!”

“I do not wear mom clothes! Are you getting back at me for blogging about the mom jeans?” She didn’t answer. Hurmp.

Now. Logically, I can sorta see the nurse’s point. If my sister was very young (she’s not) and I had a baby very young (I didn’t) then yes I could be a very young grandmother. BUT I DON’T LOOK LIKE A GRANDMA! Right? RIGHT?

After huffing that I didn’t love either of them, I went to use the bathroom. On the back door, I thought I saw my bathing suit hanging to dry. I was confused, as I had left that particular suit at home. Then I realized… yes, my mother and I have bathing suits with similar prints.

You know what? All this I can get over. But when I was laughing about it my husband, he said, "You do tend to dress like an old lady. You wear long skirts."

"The maxi dress fashion is IN!" I informed him.

"No, that skirt," he said, gesturing to my peasant style blue skirt and ruffled top that I got lots of complements on when I wore it to an event at church. "Old ladies wear that skirt." [Note: No old ladies I know would wear that skirt.] "You should wear shorter skirts."

Ha. No.

No worries, though. I get the hint, peeps. I CLEARLY need a spa day, a color and cut and a whole new wardrobe! Who's in?