Respecting all stages of life

I wrote this several years ago, when Cole was a baby. Since he's turning four soon, I figure I should post it!

I was slotted to work the nursery at church again today. (How I end up there once a month is beyond me!) My co-worker was a woman I know through church, a mom with three kids. Her youngest is six months old, just a few months younger than Cole.

I asked after her baby, who was at home. She joked that she has banned har baby from church since the baby projectile vomits alot- to the point that she soaks herself and her mom! The baby is a happy spitter, growing and gaining well, but "she won't take a pacifier or bottle! Have you ever heard of a baby who won't take a binky?"

Yes, I said, my kids. My older two never took a bottle and my younger two only took one because it was a matter of life or death.

Really? she said. I kinda wish she would take one. I can only be away from her for one and a half or two hours and there's things I would like to do, like help at the soup kitchen.

I understand, I replied. And it can be very hard when you need a break from the baby and feel like you can't get it. You need time to recharge in order to be there fully for your kids.

Did it bother you?

Yes.Yes it did.

When Joseph was born, I was told that babies NEED to take a bottle. I should MAKE my baby take a bottle so people could baby sit and I could have date nights with my husband.

Now, as a  young mother, I didn't know what the future would hold. Sure, I wanted a date night with my husband. I stressed and fussed and tried to get Joseph to take a bottle so I could let others baby sit and "have adult time" by teaching swim lessons at a local gym. Meanwhile, my mother and friends pointed out that I was a stay at home mom who rarely left her baby. I could step out for an hour or two, they reminded me, and I probably wouldn't want to be away from my baby for hours on end.

Of course I didn't want to be away from him for hours on end! But... shouldn't I? I mean, yeah I wanted a date night with my husband or coffee with friends but I didn't want to be gone all day. I missed my Jo-jo. What was wrong with me? Was I too attached?

Then I became pregnant with Camille and suddenly Joseph was weaned, attached to Daddy and I had a new baby to care for. And again, people said to me, "She NEEDS to take a bottle."

She never did.

Somewhere between Camille and Georgie, it hit me.

My children can except to live 80-plus years.

For those 80 years, we will likely support them in some way or form for 24 years (18 years at home plus a few at college).

Of those 24 years we will be feeding babies, they will likely nurse for two, or less, years.

Of those 2 years, for six months, they will be dependent on me and only me for food.

For their entire lives, there is only six months where Mommy and only Mommy can feed them. After six months old, they will take some solid food, water from a cup and can be left while we enjoy dinner out, maybe grab a movie or I have coffee with a friend. For six months out of 80 years, they need me.

I can give them six months.

It's six months, I said to my friend. When we talk about being pro-life Catholic and respecting all the stages of life, I think that means respecting the ages and stages of kids. Right now, I have a young baby who needs his mother. That's appropriate for his age. When I want or need to do something, I bring him with me. If he can't go with me, I figure out another responsible adult to leave him with or I don't go. I love working the soup kitchen but right now, because of the stage of life my kids are in, I can't go. In a few years, it will be my turn.

"Respect life" is why I bring Cole with me to teach CCD- or did, until this week when he suddenly decided to crawl, cruise and be the center of attention. I think society tends to view children as a problem, a pain, people that you'd want to run away from. While I totally agree that a break from very demanding and draining little people can (and should!) be in order, I think sometimes society treats kids as a convience item. They are there when we want them to be there, we make them fit into our lives as we see fit and that's that. Of course, give and take is part of any relationship, even parent/child, but we need to remember babies are young, immature and incapable of taking care of themselves. They really do need us and we need to respect that.

But, as someone once said, children are a wonderful INconvenience. It's joyful, most days, to be inconvenienced by diapers, feedings and playtime. It's part of the job. Every stage of childhood has different joys and challenges and parents need to respect those- especially, I think, the baby stage where those little people can't speak for themselves. They need you for everything- but it is for such a short time.

It's said again and again but children really do grow up soooo fast. Issues that seem so big and never ending, like a baby not taking a bottle, are gone in a blink of the eye. Joseph is turning seven in a few months and it seems like just yesterday he was a tiny baby who only needed his mama. And now, of course, I am chopped liver! ;) With Cole, even though he took a bottle, I made sure to cuddle and simply drink in his warmth, because I knew it would be over too soon- and it was. But, then, can babyhood ever last long enough?

My friend's baby wants her milk from her mama, straight from the tap. That's something simple need and can- and should!- be respected. Cole needs his milk too, but he's old enough to go longer between feedings..

(*And in case anyone is wondering, no, having babies who took bottles didn't I got anymore time alone or that I did less of the feedings. I still did the same amount of feedings, we had the same amount of dinners out alone and I washed more bottles. Eh. Cole and Georgie HAD to take bottles but if we were to have a normal, term, non-tounge ties baby, I wouldn't push the bottles at all.)

Catholic NIP Memes

 

I created these a few months ago. You may certainly use them but please link back to my blog if you do! I have several of these, so be prepared to see more in the future!

Attachment Parenting 30 Years Later

When my oldest child was born, most people were supportive of my breastfeeding. However, many people cringed when I said I wanted to breastfeed beyond the first year. I was told co-sleeping was unsafe, and people did a double take at my slings. I was attachment parenting, and it was clearly odd. I was told my son would have "issues" if I nursed him for too long, never walk if he was carried, and sleeping in our bed? How DARE we! Yet I knew what I was doing was right for my baby and for us, his parents. I knew he wouldn't be scarred for life due to our parenting style. How do I know? I was attachment parented. I was an extended nursling. My parents co-slept. Yes, I slept in my parents' bed. And (are you ready for this?) they wore me in baby carriers. They did these things with me, and with my younger siblings. Continue reading at Natural Parents Network ››

Breastfeeding Blog Party

On Thursday, bloggers from around the world came together in a show of support for breastfeeding mothers. New mothers have enough challenges without having to feel guilty for how they feed their baby, especially when they are choosing the most natural of means - breastfeeding. Over the last few days there has been a lot of heated debates, controversial posts, and social media outcry against the position that the Weston A. Price Foundation takes on breastfeeding. While they do present sound information on the ideal diet for breastfeeding mothers, they do so in a manner that brings about guilt, fear, and confusion. The bloggers who participated in the Breastfeeding Support Blog Party are not trying to create a divide between mothers. They simply want to offer support, in the form of blog posts, as to why breastfeeding should always be the first choice both for baby and mama. We hope you take some time to read the posts that were written as part of the Blog Party. There are also over 140 posts linked up as part of this. Take some time to check them out here or link up your own breastfeeding support post!

Dionna at Code Name: Mama has come up with 40 ways that family, friends, coworkers and employers can support mothers who pump breastmilk, along with a ton of resources for you and the pumping mom in your life. There are also some fun graphics you can print and pass out, with 70% of all proceeds going to buy pumps for moms in domestic violence shelters!

Destany at They Are All of Me writes about ten common breastfeeding myths that scare women out of breastfeeding.

Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses how her diet wasn't WAPF perfect, but she still breastfed a perfectly healthy baby.

Christine at African Babies Don't Cry is passionate about breastfeeding, here are her 101 reasons why!

Kelly at Becoming Crunchy discusses the question of whether you should still nurse - even if your diet isn't 'right'.

Jorje of Momma Jorje has enough pressure in her life, she is glad she doesn't have to worry about what, when and how much food she feeds her son since he is also still nursing.

Angela at EarthMamas World discusses a f ew of the most common problems that a mama may encounter while breastfeeding. Angela also shares natural remedies for each of these breastfeeding problems! That Mama Gretchen reflects on the beautiful bond breastfeeding has created as her two children have transitioned from their womb experience to their earth side one.

Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares ways breastfeeding and breastmilk are unique and special in a way only they can be.

Amy W. at Natural Parents Network shares 5 scientific reasons that mother's milk is an unequaled form of nutrition and nurture: so awesome, and so unique!

Laura at Authentic Parenting shares solid information on iron intake for the breastfed baby.

Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares the questions (and answers) about breastfeeding she wished she had a friend to answer for her before becoming a mama.

Abbie at Farmer's Daughter choose to breastfeed her children in part because it’s easier than bottle feeding, not to mention that it is the best nutrition for babies, that it has health benefits for both mother and child, that it encourages bonding, and of course that it’s free! Basically breastmilk is the ultimate convenience food.

KerryAnn at Cooking Traditional Foods shares how the rush to recommend raw milk formula actually harms mothers.

Starlene at GAPS Diet Journey shares her experience with nursing and why she feels it is an important piece of the your baby's health.

At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy draws a connection between how formula companies market and how women are treated by society.

Amy at Anktangle outlines a few of the many ways breastfeeding benefits both mom and child—aside from providing excellent nutrition.

Adrienne at Whole New Mom shares Part One and Pa rt Two of 100 Reasons Why Breast Is Best.

Dawn at Cultured Mama shares her personal breastfeeding journey and how she overcame low supply issues and successfully tandemed nursed with only one breast.

World Prematurity Day

Nov. 17 is World Prematurity Day. It's a day to sit back and reflect on the true miracle of a healthy baby.

Three days later, George, my own little late-term preemie, will turn four.

This week, in honor of him and his preemie cohorts, I will be sharing stories and information related to prematurity. Of course, Late Term Preemies (those born between 34-37 weeks, 6 days) are close to my heart.

Tatum at Ain't No Roller Coaster recently made some awesome graphics that give information about all sorts of things related to prematurity. Her oldest son is a late-term preemie and her youngest is a micro-preemie.

 

Although the phrase "Later Term Prematurity" encompasses kiddos born between 34-37 weeks, I can tell you there is a huge difference between those born at 35 weeks and those born at 37 weeks. My oldest son, Joseph, was born at 37w1d. He was small, five pounds 11 ounces, but breathed on his own. We did have to work at breastfeeding, waking him up every hour and half to eat, stimulating him to eat and working on his latch. However, how much of that was due to him being born at 37 weeks and me being a first-time breastfeeding mom, I don't know. I do know that we had no concerns over how much he was eating, no problems with his latch, he gained weight well and we had no worried about jaundice. He never had formula and nursed until he was 15 months old. To this day, he's about average in height and weight.

On the flip side, George was six pounds, eight ounces. (I took fish oil throughout my pregnancy and we think that's one reason he was labeled as Large for Gestational Age. Water immersion (I swam several times a week until he was born) and fish oil can increase  blood flow to the placenta, making for a well fed baby.) He was able to breathe at birth but he didn't breathe well. He was given to me as soon as he was born but I could tell something was wrong. With my older two children, I had a strong maternal desire to bring them to my breast, cuddle them and feed them. With George, I kept thinking, "Please take him away and make him better." I held him away from me and upright so he could breathe easier.

George had RDS. Even after he went home, I had to supplement with pumped breast milk, be careful to make sure he ate well and often and had to go in for frequent weight and bili checks. It wasn't until he was six weeks old, a week adjusted, that he began to gain and maintain his weight.

The thing with all preemies is that they are not always caught up at two. George's eating problems come and go even now, at nearly four. Late term preemies are born before their brain is fully developed:

 

and the results of this can be devastating and long lasting.

 

Most of the premature infants born in the US are Late Term Preemies. Because we can and do save much younger infants, LTP are considered the "easy" preemies with minimal side effects of their prematurity. Considering that their risk of death is much, much lower than that of their micro preemie counter parents, it is easy to see why medical professionals think nothing of routinely taking babies around 36 weeks. However, this needs to stop. It needs to change.

 

Would my son have CAS and oral feeding problems and SPD if he hadn't been born at 35 weeks, vent'd and pumped full of life saving antibiotics? I don't know. I do know that he would have likely died without all of those treatments. I know that, knowing what I know now, I would have asked to not be induced, but rather given the steroid shots for his lungs, possibly mag sulfate to slow my labor or just stay in bed and be monitored for an infection. I would have tried to keep him in another week or two, just to give his brain and lungs a little more time. It would have been hard but . . .

 

 

Please enter my giveaway of Elizabeth Pantley's books!

Sh!t People Say to Parents of Preemies

Be sure to check out my review and giveaway of Elizabeth Pantley's books and NPN's Holiday Gift Guide!

 

 

November is Prematurity Awareness Month. In honor of this month, I bring you . . .

 

Sh!t People Say to the Parents of Premature Babies

(I have no video skills or I would do a video, trust me!)

"You are so lucky that you didn't have to endure nine months of being pregnant!"

"But he's not sick, right?"

"Did you do drugs?"

"You must have done drugs."

"Those babies aren't really sick. The doctors just want to keep them in the hospital for the money."

"What do you mean that he can't be touched? All babies want to be touched!"

"Are you pumping?"

"You're going to pump, right?"

"Why aren't you breastfeeding?"

"I don't need to wash my hands!"

"You're too worried about germs! Kids need to get sick to build their immunity!"

"Is he going to be one of those deformed kids?"

"Why are you trying to save him? Don't you know that he's just going be in a wheelchair for his entire life? Do you want to spend your entire life caring for a handicapped kid?"

"He will be just fine."

"Why are you worried? He's fine."

"Is he going to die?"

"I once knew a baby who was born xyz weeks early and now they are a high-powered doctor. You are worried for nothing. These babies will be just fine."

"Why can't my four year old visit? She just wants to hold the new baby!"

"You should bring your children to visit the new baby. How will they learn to love their new sibling is they can't visit?"

"How can you spend all your time at the hospital? You should be at home with the other kids."

"How can you be at home with you other children? You have a sick baby in the hospital!"

"What did you do wrong?"

"If you had used a midwife, this never would have happened."

"I don't see what's wrong with him. He looks fine to me."

"It's all for the best."

"It's God's will." (Note: these are completely different from, "I am praying for you/ thinking of you." That is okay. The ones listed above are not!)

What crazy things have people said to you?

Formula vs breast vs . . . everything else

Today my article "Our Formula Feeding Journey" was published on NPN. Oftentimes, I have mothers say to me, "Well, I would like to AP or NP but I need to use formula." I'm surprised at this admission not because they use formula but because they think one thing will "kick them out" of the AP/NP world. Attachment or natural parenting isn't about the "things." It's all about the attitude people! You can use a bottle and AP. I know. As my article proves, I've done it.

This article is especially timely because Cole just weaned. Adam and I went on a five day trip alone. We needed the time alone to reconnect and we wanted to do something special for our ten year anniversary, almost 18 years of knowing each other and getting out of the "survival mode" we have been in for four years. We did not take this trip lightly. As very attached parents, we don't typical leave our children for long periods of time. Yet we know that the best thing we can give our children are loving, sane parents and that are children are not newborns. They are old enough to leave with other loving, attached caregivers for a period of time.

As Adam reminded me before we left, Cole is now almost 2. He is the longest baby I have nursed and, honestly, neither of us expected him to be nursing at 23 months old. (Cami weaned around 21-22 months.) I knew that Cole might fully wean while we were on our trip. I also knew he might pick up when I got home. I was okay with either scenario and savored our last night and nap time nursing sessions.

While we were gone, I opted not to pump. First, I didn't have any pumping supplies! I donated all my leftover tubing, bottles, bags and sterilization items to a co-worker of my husband's. She needed it much more than I did and I didn't want them hanging around the house if someone could use them. I also would have nothing to do with the milk. I HATE to "pump and dump." It KILLS me to see all that milk go down the drain. I also didn't want to mess with pumping in and of itself and traveling with milk- milk that Cole probably wouldn't take anyway. And, to be honest, my supply was dropping and I don't think I would have gotten anything anyway. I chose to let nature take it's course and hand-express if I needed too.

As it was, I was engorged and a little sore but nothing horrible. I never leaked. I never needed to hand express. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom and I needed to take sudafed for my allergies. I know from experience that this dries me up a touch. When I got home, Cole never asked to nurse. I put him to bed that night without nursing. When he woke up at night (after sleeping all night for my mother- thanks kid!) he flopped around in the bed, as if he remembered we did "something" in bed... but wasn't sure what. The next afternoon, he shocked me by launching himself into his nursing position when I sat at the computer. I said, "okay but I don't think there is any more milk." He latched on and immediately began gulping! I still had milk!

That night, I had to go to church because my CCD students were being Confirmed. Adam put Cole to bed and he woke up at night, but did not nurse. That morning, he was sick and tried to nurse but it reminded me of nursing him when he was a tongue-tied newborn. I heard alot of clicking and felt some "biting." I finally had to latch him off. He cried a little, more from his fever (I think) and frustration than anything else. I comforted him, gave him some water and he hasn't asked since.

Can I declare him weaned? Possibly. I don't know if he will ask again. I'll let him try (unless it is the middle of the night) and see how it goes. Am I sad? A bit. I enjoy nursing and I am sad that this period of my life is ending. But I am not going to dwell on it. You know what? Just like with Georgie, I worked DAMN hard to nurse this kid. I pumped for two months and took him to two different doctors to get his tongue tie clipped. I tracked diapers and feedings and weight gains. I thought he would never nurse from the breast and that he might not have more than two months of BM. And we made it TWENTY-THREE MONTHS. WE DID IT. How awesome is that?!

Pumping tips

A little late but NPN has some pumping tips for you!

Update to breastfeeding in our parish

The orginal post is here.

You can read a slightly edited and clarified version of the story here, at Nursing Freedom.

***
I've read all the comments, all the suggestion and talked to Catholics and non-Catholics alike. I've listened to wise cousel from people who know the DRE and those who don't. I've spoken to my mother, my sister, members of my parish and other nursing, attached mothers. And I came on a course of action.

That is, I did nothing.

I've decided that my strongest response and statement would be a peaceful, nothing-at-all.

It's not that I don't think the DRE's call was over the top. A parent complained and she had the right to let me know of that complaint. I think her concerns are valid and I agree we need to come up with a solution to the "problem."

I DON'T think nursing in a bathroom or in a locked room with the doors shut and the blinds drawn is the answer. I think it sends the wrong message about breastfeeding and what breasts are for.

A friend pointed out to me that these students aren't my children and, "Is it your job to teach them about this?" Well, yes and no. No, I am not their mother and it isn't my primary job to teach them about sexuality, breasts, babies and lactation. That should come from their home life. However, I am their RE teacher and it IS part of my job to be a living example of what they should see. Not only should I teach the faith but I should live it myself. This includes respecting the dignity of human life in ALL its stages.

By feeding my baby and keeping him close to me, I am respecting his need to eat on demand. I am respecting his need to be close to me, his mother. As a tiny baby (at the beginning of the class) his need to nurse and be with a loving caregiver are very real needs, not wants. By giving him this, I am respecting his stage of life.

Being pro-life isn't just about protesting abortion clinics or consuleing women at crisis pregnancy centers. Those are important tasks but they aren't the whole of the pro-life parts. Part of being pro-life, in my opinion, is repecting my children and meeting them at the stages they are at. When I brought Cole to class and fed him, I was doing this.

In junior high RE classes we touch on human sexuality and respecting our bodies. Of course, this information should primarily come from the parents but as an RE teacher, it is my job to re-enforce this idea. One of these concepts is respecting our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit and practing purity and chasity. Our bodies are lovely and wonderful and they are ment to be treasured, not to be used to insite lust in others.

Prevenlant in our society is the idea that breasts are for sexual pleasure only. These kids are 12 and 13 years old and, believe me, they get the idea that breasts can indeed be sexual. But having a basic, non sexual function? Unless someone close to them is breastfeeding or works in the child birth industry (doula, LLL, lactation consultant) they probably aren't exposed to that idea much. What message, then, am I sending them by nursing Cole? I believe that I am telling them that it is okay to nurse in public, that breastfeeding it not shameful or something that needs to be hidden. I am showing them that breasts have a purpose other than selling bras or bodies; they can nourish too. As the mother of a daughter, I want her to know that breasts are for babies and as the teacher of teenage girls, I want to show them, by example, that their bodies are wonderful things that, when the time comes, can feed another human being.

I have changed nothing since the DRE called me and I have contiuned to meet Cole's needs. On days that I directly teach, he stays home. When I don't teach he may come with me, but now that he is 10 months old, mobile and very vocal, he is becoming a distraction. He stays home with my husband. When we go to Mass, I take him to the cry room to nurse and, because of where the cry room is, get a better view of the altar than in certain areas of the church!

When I do other work around the church, I often bring Cole with me. Many times, I am the only other mother there with an infant. When questioned, I simply respond that I am nursing and want the freedom to visit with people as long as I need, without running home to nurse the baby. I have had other mothers express that they wish they had brought their baby but didn't feel comfortable doing so. I often quote my friend, who once told me, "Laura, you can't be a pro-llife Catholic, follow the church's teachings on birth control and not expect there to be babies running around!"

Will bringing my child with me to functions and mothering him in the way that my culture teaches to mother, to feed him in the way God intended- in the way that God Himself made flesh was fed change anything? Not right away. It won't change overnight. But if one other person feel free to bring their young child with them to functions, perhaps someone else will too. A cascade effect could happen and then, yes, over time, things will change. Maybe people will be more comfortable with breastfeeding. Maybe it will become the norm.

Can a little nursing baby really change society?

Well, one did.

Cole's food

A few weeks ago, Cole was sitting on my lap while I was eating a Chik Fil A salad and grabbed my fork, trying to shove the lettuce in his mouth. I took the hint and started him on solids.

At six and a half months old, Cole eats:

*bresatmilk on demand for breakfast and lunch and in between
*one serving of "people food" with us for dinner. He is Very Serious about the whole endevor and is a full-face eater. His food end up in his eye lashes and all over his SHOES! He's had apples, squash, banana (which he doesn't like), sweet potatoes, corn and squash, veggie "casserole" and a few bites of a lentil dinner. He LOVED the lenitls. My father was throughly disgusted, as he ate alot of beans growing up and doesn't like them anymore.

Soon Cole is going to want food at every meal. I guess I should break out the hose and be prepared to bathe him every few hours...

Quick Takes: Random Breastfeeding tidbits

My oldest children have been exposed to nursing from the get go. The poor children get dragged to LLL meetings, hang out with my hippie friends who nurse their toddlers and see me   nurse Cole.I doubt Georgie will remember a nursing infant but I certainly hope he views it as normal.

1.

Today I asked Joseph what babies eat. He said, "Baby food and milk." I asked him where the milk comes from and he blushed and gestured to his chest. "You know. Mommies."

BREASTS, honey. They are called BREASTS. Your mother has them. Your grandmothers have them and so do your aunts. They feed babies. That's their whole purpose. Please don't be embaressed because I will have to say it in front of your more. BREASTfeeding.

2.

Today Camille informed that Cole can only eat Mommy milk and that's sad because he can't have mac and cheese. Juding by the look on Cole's face, the little bugger wanted her mac and cheese too.

3.

I asked a friend if she wanted an update to my scandelous behavior. "What did you do?" she asked in mock horror.

"Nursing in church!"

She gasped. "Did a statue of Mary fall on you?"

"Yup! The breastfeeding one!"

4.

Another friend called me long distance and said, jokingly, "You're not doing THAT right now, are you?"

"No, but I'm naked!" I replied. (I wasn't. Really. Well, only under my clothes.)

5.

I spoke to a former DRE that I once taught under and she said I nurse discreetly even without a cover. Little things like that make me smile.

6.

Adam made grilled pizza for dinner. I am sure that increases your milk supply. Yup. Totally.

7.

It is important for children to view breastfeeding in public. Perhaps if more people saw nursing mothers and it was just a part of life, like changing a diaper or rocking a baby or pushing a stroller, problems like the one I am having would not happen.

How my boob, my baby and myself offended a parish

Nursing 2 month old Cole at Grant's Farm in St. Louis

(I'm going to say it up front: I do not want any negative comments about Christianity, the Catholic Church, Mary, Jesus or whoever and how the oppress women, babies, nursing infants, House Elves or the like. We all know that the Church and Christians as a whole are not anti-breastfeeding. We know what happened to me and Cole is NOT a reflection of the Holy Roman Catholic Church or even my parish as a whole; rather it is the result of a very few people being very vocal.)

I've breastfed all my babies and, with every child, have done some sort of volunteer work while they were nursing. I always brought my babies with me and nursed them as if we were at home: on demand, without a shawl or blanket. (I have nothing against shawls or blankets but I just don't use them.)

As a new mother, I often asked if it was okay if I brought my nursing baby with me. Obviously, if they said no, then I would have had to back out of my commitment but I was always told yes. To my surprise and pleasure, I found many, many mothers at my old parish who nursed babies AND toddlers openly. Some women used blankets but most did not. Children of all ages were accepted and welcome at the functions. As another mother told me, "Laura, if you are going to be pro-life and accept the Church's teachings on birth control, you have to be welcoming to children of all ages!" As time went on, I stopped asking and simply brought my children with me. Once they became a distraction, they stayed home with my husband but young, nursing infants simply joined me in my endeavors.

With Joseph and Camille, I never had any problems. No one cared, even when I accidentally forgot to pull my shirt down after feeding Joseph... in a mall. Ops. (I quickly realized what happened and fixed the, um, situation.)

With Georgie, I received comments in public both about breastfeeding and then again about formula feeding. I was even fired from a job as a swim coach, in part, she said, because I was "breastfeeding the whole time." (That wasn't the real reason but we'll leave it at that.) I told my mother that I am pretty sure my sweet Puddin Pie made me a whack magnet.

Last year, we moved and began attending New Parish, We love NP and it completely fills our needs as parents of young children. We are all enjoying the opportunities to grow in our faith. That last year was the only year I did not volunteer to teach CCD to the Confirmation aged children to work in the Atrium with CGS. Instead, I focuses on my family and surviving my pregnancy with Cole.

This year, I am teaching Confirmation with a co-teacher and again working in the Atrium at another parish.

Right before the CCD year began, the Director of Religious Education contacted all the teachers and asked if we would like to take an additional training. I said yes, of course, but I would need to bring my  nursing infant. She said that bringing Cole would not be a problem and, "we love babies at NP!" I brought Cole to all the trainings, nursed him on demand.

At the end of the training, I was talking to the DRE about bringing him and said he would stay in his backpack (Ergo) the whole time. I did not specifically mention nursing to her, as we had discussed pumping and breastfeeding and I knew she knew I was nursing him.

During our first class, we had the teens do a "get to know you" activity. Cole needed to eat, so I stepped out of the circle and fed him. Some of the students could see me; others had their backs to me. I participated in the activity by making comments and asking questions, but still sat apart from the group until he finished eating.

I was unable to attend the next session because my husband was out with my oldest and I failed to get a baby sitter for my middle two.

The next class, I remembered a blanket and toys for Cole. I made it a point to feed him in the classroom before class began, with only my co-teacher and her daughter present. During class, one girl asked me why I brought Cole. I said, "I am nursing him and so I need to bring him in case he needs to eat. He won't take a bottle."

Today, I got a call from the DRE about feeding Cole during class. She was nice about it but said some of the boys were uncomfortable. I understand; young teenage boys are young teenage boys and I can see how knowing there is a breast out (even if it is covered) could be uncomfortable for them. She told me some of the mothers had complained to her and her assistant.

She said she had no problem with me bringing Cole to class, but I would need to take him somewhere else to nurse. I agreed and suggested just stepping outside. She said no, as the other students in other classes might see me.

She then suggested the adults-only restroom down the hall, adding that she would put a chair for me in there. The only reason I did not freak out? The bathrooms are large, very clean and brand-new. We have CCD in the school building; in the actual church, the bathrooms have lounges attached to them with couches and chairs.

I suggested the RE room, which is large, with tables, soft chairs. She agreed, as long as "no one is using it and you close the blinds."

"Close the blinds?" I asked. "But if I shut the door and sit in the chair, no one is going to know what I am doing unless they try to look in!"

"We need to be as discreet as possible. We have to be respectful of everyone and their different beliefs."

Ah, here's the rub. I agree with her.

Yes, I think I should have covered up at that first class. I knew some teenage boys might not be down with the boob out. However, we are trained to have two adults with the students as much as possible. Cole needed to eat; he was sucking on his fingers, drooling, and arching towards my breast with his mouth wide open. It was my fault for not bringing a blanket or warning my co-teacher that I might need to leave.

I agree we should be mindful that everyone has different beliefs.

BUT! BUT! I was teaching at a Catholic Church! We all have the same beliefs, the same faith in God, the same religion. It was a religious class aimed at children of the same faith!

That faith has a long history of art depicting the Blessed Virgin Mary nursing baby Jesus. For many centuries, churches were adorned with statues and icons of Mary and a baby (or toddler or young child) Jesus receiving nourishment from Her breast. Why? Because, yes, Jesus was breastfed. All babies were breastfed, unless the mother could not nurse. In that case, a wet nurse would be employed or the baby would receive milk from another animal or, yes, die.

(Considering that God could work a miracle and have a virgin bear His Son, He surely made sure that She had enough milk for Her baby!)

In many of those pictures Mary was anything but discreet. She used no blanket, no towel, no Hooter-Hider. Jesus is nursing out in the open, looking around. Why? Because this is how babies nurse! Most nursing mamas have a story or ten about how their baby likes to play "latch-on, latch-off" and smile at people while enjoying a snack. It's funny and frustrating and, until about the Victorian period, very normal.

Then came the wars, mothers going back to work, formula and bottles and prudish Puritan beliefs. People became appalled at the thought of -gasp!- baby Jesus sucking at a breast for nourishment! Mary lactating! How... un-divine! (Although apparently there once was a devotion to Our Lady of La Leche. Go figure.)

I also agree that we need to be respectful of different cultural beliefs. However, in my culture, babies are breastfed as long as the mother desires. In my culture, babies stay with their mothers as long as the mother wants them with her. In my culture, babies don't "need" bottles unless the mother wants her baby to take one. Babies are worn on the  mother's body, sleep in the mother's bed. That is how I was parented and raised; that is my culture.

In asking me to respect their culture, a culture that views breasts as only sexual objects not as a container for feeding babies, they are disrespecting my culture. By asking me to hide in a room with the blinds drawn in case someone might chance to look in while I was feeding my son, they are saying that part of my culture needs to be hidden. They are saying my culture is wrong.

I have formula fed a child and supplemented with formula for another. I respect a woman's right to make a different choice than I have. I know first had how hard nursing can be and I understand why a woman would stop trying to nurse and use formula. I would never, ever ask her to bottle-fed her baby in a closet, bathroom or with the blinds drawn. She is feeding her baby. How is that a problem?

I suggested using a blanket and, if I forgot it, leaving the room. This is not an option, nor is nursing in the empty classroom before class. She does not want to me nurse in front of my co-leader and her daughter, as it might make the daughter uncomfortable.

There's an irony here. Cole is a high needs baby who loooves to be held and loves attention. He also likes to grab at paper, drool and put everything in his mouth. Instead of hanging out in the Ergo, he was bouncing around  laughing, trying to flirt with all the girls. Class is during bedtime, when he likes to cluster feed; Adam doesn't like being left alone with a tired baby who wants to nurse and can't. But he is SO demanding that I was going to try and leave him with Adam. I'm only gone 2 hours and I know he can go two hours without nursing. Now though...

Part of me wants to go with my original plan. Part of me wants to leave him with Adam; he'd probably be happier jumping in his doorway jumper at home than hanging out with me. But part of me, the militant lactivist part that would happily stage a nurse in, wants to bring him. Part of me wants to park it in the back of the room and nurse like no one said nuttin. I want to show them that they can't win, won't win and that my baby belongs with me. It is normal, natural and, yes, what women have been doing for ages.

I want to keep teaching; I love teaching Confirmation. I have a baby who needs me but who can also be left with his father for short periods of time... maybe. I need to decide how much of an issue I am going to make this and how much I am going to let slide.

But, in the end, I am going to do what is in Cole's best interests and his alone.

Cole's 4 month WCC

Let's ignore the fact that he will be six m onths on the 7th, kay?

My little bear who could not nurse in the beginning is now 14 pounds, 12 ounces! He is in the 25th percentile for weight and 50th for height! He has some hair- alot for beingmy baby- and big blue eyes like the others. Except for the nose, he's the dark version of Georgie.

My doctor told me that he has referred several people to our LC and she is "very competent" and "is a wealth of knowledge" and has "better results than some other LCs we have worked with." I was so pleased to hear that. He is quietly supportive of breastfeeding. When we had to supplement with formula and had to turn to formula with Georgie, there was no judgement. However, he really wants breastfeeding to work. It's nice that way.

He has no delays and is trying to sit up, reach for things, roll. He has zero interest in solids and eats enough milk to make up for that. He sleeps a good chunk of the night and naps about three times a day, which is nice for me. I just went through all the clothes and the Bear needs nothing but has nothing of his own, lol. All of it is hand me downs.

Speaking of bears... someone is growling...

The Goodness of Humanity

Back in May, we attened the annual March for Babies. As we were getting our shirts, a friend, M, who has a son Georgie's age, told me about a former co-worker of hers. Her co worker had recently had a son at 24 weeks and was then in the NICU where Georgie and her boy were.

24 weeks are at high risk of devloping NEC, a problem with their bowels. It can be fatal.

This baby devloped NEC and had to have surgery. The best thing for his senstive tummy was breastmilk but his mother, like many mother's who had children in the NICU long term, had problems pumping. Her baby really needed the breastmilk so a fellow NICU mom stepped up and donated her milk.

That other NICU mom? Her baby had passed away.

In the middle of some horrible grief, this mom thought of others and willingly gave her milk to Baby M. The breastmilk helped him grow and become strong enough to go home. My friend M is his "back up" donor.

All these women came together to give liquid gold to a baby who really and truly did need breastmilk. How wonderful, how loving.

And the best part? It made the front page of the news this morning!

Carnival of NIP: Four Sips of NIP

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.
***

Four Sips of NIP

There was never any question I would breastfeed my children. I nursed until I was two and a half, as did my siblings. My husband and his siblings nursed at least a year, so he was comfortable with the idea. When it came to nursing in public, though, that’s where we differed.

I’m not a modest person, having spent hours in my bathing suit when I was on a swim team, so it never occurred to me to nurse until a blanket or shawl. I have no problem with them but, as I honestly told my husband, “Do you really think I am coordinated enough to juggle a blanket AND hook up a newborn?” My husband maintained there was something sexual about nursing. As usual, I gave him A Look and told him he was crazy.

Now, six years and four kids later, my husband is used to seeing my shirts in various states of disarray in public. The only time he bats an eye is if I don’t have a baby or toddler with me!

1

My first real chance to NIP came when my oldest was six weeks old. We packed up our new little family and headed on an eleven hour road trip to visit my husband’s grandparents and attend his aunt’s wedding. Along the way, I nursed in the car at various truck stops and, once, next to a milk truck. I was slightly amused.

Shortly after we arrived, we had to attend a rehearsal dinner for the people in the wedding and out of town guests. Adam’s grandmother enjoyed holding her new great-grandson (and late husband’s namesake) but right as the buffet was being served, Baby Joseph needed to eat. I wasn’t sure how my husband’s more conservative extended family would respond to NIP (and not wanting to nurse in a metal folding chair), so I looked around for a comfortable yet secluded place to nurse. A group of couches were lined up in one corner so I stole my baby back and headed over, instructing my husband to make a plate for me.

As I settled in and put my feet up, I heard someone come up behind me. I braced myself but it was the sister of the bride. She leaned over and said, “Oh! You’re breastfeeding! I think that’s great! I nursed my twins in public too but I had to drag a chair into the bathroom so I could nurse them at the same time. I would nurse one on each side. “I laughed and she said, “It’s wonderful that you are nursing. Keep up the good work!”

The whole wedding was wonderful but that, for me, was the sweetest moment. I was a new mother, just getting my feet on the ground and having a little cheering section meant the world to me.

2

When my son was two years old and my daughter was six months, my parents convinced up to take a family vacation to Branson. My brother was joining the military and they wanted all of their children, grandchildren and sons-in-law to get together for one last “hoorah” before he left for basic training. What was supposed to be a quiet trip to Branson to see the Dixie Land Stampede ended up being one of THOSE trips that go down in family lore, right up there with the Thanksgiving from… you know.

Three-fourths of the way to Branson, we smelled something that no parent ever wants to smell- poop. My son, in the middle of potty training, had had a massive diaper leak. Massive. All over everything, including his Blankey.

We stopped quickly to wash him off and clean up as much of the damage as possible. My husband suddenly and brilliantly decided that Joseph needed a new car seat (for his car… yup!), so we drove to the nearest K-Mart to pick one up.

By this time, I was hot, sticky and covered in sweat. Camille, our six month old, had been acting hungry for awhile but now she was screeching, complete with a pterodactyl head bob at my chest. Leaving my husband, son, a new car seat, pull-ups and a Matchbox car in the checkout line behind a woman trying to convince her teenage daughter to pierce her tongue, I headed out to the van to nurse.

I was sitting in the back with all the doors open, enjoying the cool breeze, when I heard a man say, “Ma’am?” Very coolly, I responded, “Yes?” wondering who this stranger was and why he was talking to me.

“I’m sorry, I was talking to someone else,” he replied politely. I smiled and went back to nursing Camille.

A moment later, the gentleman turned his head around and peered at me in the backseat. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell earlier. I am very sorry."

I thought that he thought he had disturbed Camille nursing so I said, “Oh, you weren’t yelling! Don’t worry about it! I was just sitting here nursing the baby. You didn’t bother us at all!”

The man turned beet red and started tripping over himself with apologies even as he was running for the K-Mart door. “I am so embarrassed! I didn’t realize you were doing that! I thought you were enjoying the cool breeze; I didn’t see the baby! I’m so sorry!”

I began reassuring him. “Don’t worry about it! I nurse anywhere; it’s not a problem” but the poor guy was already in K-Mart, completely embarrassed, I’m sure.

I was laughing when my husband and son returned to the car. Between the blow out, the mother in the checkout line and the man running away from me nursing my daughter, I was ready for a hot shower and cold drink… in the order!

3

When Georgie was six months old, our family of five ventured out to Cold Stone Creamery for a mid-summer’s treat of ice cream. Of course, as soon as we got there, Georgie smelled the ice cream and thought he needed to eat. I chuckled at the appropriateness of nursing in an ice cream store and sat down to nurse without a second thought.

I calmly sat, not paying much attention to anything, when I realized I was being stared at. I quickly checked to make sure the baby hadn’t unlatched but, nope, he was still nursing away. My belly was covered by my larger-than-average-nursling… and then I heard it.

“Some people think they are all that and that they’re the only ones that exist. … I mean, I’ve got boobs and you’ve got boobs but we don’t feel the need to show them off…”

I looked up, surprised to see a group of adult women pointing at me and staring. Georgie chose that moment to finish nursing, so I closed up shop and took the ice cream from my oblivious husband. I was confused- I was nursing my son discreetly in a public place where both he and I were welcome. What was the problem? Or, moreover, what was their problem?

My husband told me later I should have said something to them but I’m glad I didn’t. It would have only added fuel to the fire. Three months later, Georgie was weaning due to my new pregnancy and I was giving him a bottle of formula in public. I was at the receiving end of a nasty comment proving ya can’t win for tryin’!

4

A friend and fellow mother of four once told me, “My first baby got milk but the rest of them got milkshakes!” It’s very true- I never nurse sitting down anymore and, in public, I have to be ready to jump up and run after the toddler, taking a nursing baby with me, jiggling all the way.

Cole was mostly bottle fed for the first two months due to his tongue tie. Within a week of it getting clipped, he was nursing at the breast. A month later, however, he still sometimes has trouble maintaining a good suction and drawing the nipple into his mouth. Helping him do this, complete with the occasional breast compressions when he needs it, is not a discreet affair.

Recently I took the children out of town to visit my family. In the car, Cole suddenly decided he was hungry and needed to eat NOW. This was a problem in the middle of the highway with no rest stop in sight. I pulled into the first one I saw and nearly jumped out of the car, pulling my sweaty and red baby to me.

Before I got the other children unbuckled, I had Cole nursing in the sling, sniffling and looking at me forlornly. With one hand, I held him steady and with the other, I unbuckled my three other children. We were walking up to the restrooms when laughter greeted our ears.

A man, his mother and son were sitting at a picnic table watching us. He was smiling, laughing and said, “I have four children too and I remember those days. Cherish it.”

And I do. Before I can blink, my NIP days will be over and I will be the mother leaning over the back of the couch, telling a new mother what a wonderful job she’s doing. I’ll be the person in the parking lot spying another nursing in the back of a van, enjoying the cook breeze and the woman thinking the, yup, an ice cream parlor is really the best place to give milk to your baby on a hot day. When the days grow longer and it is my grandchildren’s turn to take a sip in public, I’ll have stories of my own NIP days to tell them.

*****






Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public


Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.


Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.

<center><a href="http://www.nursingfreedom.org/p/carnival-of-nursing-in-public.html" title="Carnival of Nursing in Public"><img src="http://www.babydustdiaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/inip1.png" alt="Art by Erika Hastings at http://mudspice.wordpress.com/" border="0"></a></center>

This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It

Carnival of NIP: Preview

Tomorrow morning my post (just one from many bloggers) goes up for the Carnival of NIP (Nursing In Public). As a preview, here's little baby Cami nursing, but not in public:

Good day

One day, I'm going to type more about other things...

Cole nursed really well yesterday. In fact, he didn't take a bottle all morning! Then he was so tuckered out he refused the breast all day, so I'm back to pumping. Oh well.

The Cold, Hard Truth about Exclusive Pumping... as I know it.

My chiropracter and I are friends on Facebook. (and I consider her a friend in real life too, as she was also my doula for Georgie and Cole. When someone has seen the most private parts of you AND taken pictures, keep them as a friend!) She always posts links to articles about natural living, pregnancy, birthing and breasfeeding, most of which have a slightly alternative bent.

Recently, she posted a link about feeding babies that listed the preferred methods as follows:

1. breastmilk straight from the mother's breast

2. expressed milk from the mother

3. donated human milk (screened and pasterized)

4. commerical formula.

Here's the kicker- I agree with this. No, duh to those who know me, right?

BUT (and there's always a BUT), this is the ideal. The reality is much, much different.

When I was pregnant with Joseph, I told Adam I would give our baby breastmilk, even if it ment only pumping. Joseph latched on and nursed well with no problems until my supply tanked at ten weeks pregnant with Camille. He was 15 months old and 15 months is certainly a respectable nursing relationship and I was sad to see it end. I was happy to give him breastmilk and nursing was enjoyable for both of us.

Six years later, I am being challenged on my claim that I would give my baby my milk, even if it ment pumping. I have a baby that can't latch on and I am pumping for him.

I want to nurse my baby. For me, nursing is normally easy, pleasent and enjoyable. I like breastfeeding. I love milky grins, doozing with a nursing baby or toddler during naps. I enjoy having to only remember myself and the diaper bag when we go out. I like not having to worry about whether or not I refilled the formula container, if I am going to be able to get clean water, whether or not bottles are clean. I like knowing that if I am around, come he ll or high water (or tornados, or snow storms or power outages) my baby will be fed.

And, yes, I believe that there is something in breastmilk, an ever-changing fluid, that formula, at this time, cannot replicate. I believe, to use emotionally charged words, it is better than commerical formula.

I also believe you have to feed your baby and that commerical formula can be, depending on the situation between mother and baby, better than breastmilk.


I don't believe that "bad mothers" use formula and good mothers breastfeed; you are only a bad mother if you don't feed your baby!

Would I like to see all babies, even babies whose mother's have low supplies, are adopted, are sick, can't latch on, have breastmilk? Yes.



HOWEVER, to get milk to these babies someone, somewhere is going to have to pump.

It was so, so easy for me to say, six years ago, that I would just exclusivly pump for my baby. And maybe, six years ago, I could have done it. Joseph was my first and it would have been easier, physically, to plan our days around when I would need to sit down, hook up to the mechanical baby, and pump away. Now, though, with four kids and activities it is a totally different story.



To feed my baby, I need a power source and a pump, complete with parts. I need to be plugged in and sitting down, not moving much or very far for about 20-30 minutes at a time, every few hours. The kids can't go swimming, and since I won't pump in front of people, it was hard to have friends over for awhile. We have had to plan our day around when I need to pump, sometimes cutting playdates a little short so Mommy can go home. It takes my time and engery, moreso than "normal" breastfeeding would, because I have to store the milk. I'm not done there, however; I also have to mix up bottles, feed Cole and try to breastfeed him.



Pumping alone takes 30 minutes. Making up the bottle and feeding him takes another 15-20. Trying to nurse would be anywhere from 0-10 minutes, or whenever he started screamed at me. That's about an hour of feeding per session all day long, compared to a typical 20 minutes nursing or bottlefeeding session. No wonder my kids were going stir crazy!



Feedings at night took longer too. I had to stay awake long enough to give him a bottle and then I had to pump. I was up an hour each feeding. In the early weeks, Adam would give him a bottle while I pumped but its been up to me recently. I have enough trouble staying awake at night to bottle feed him; dragging myself out of bed was torture! This past week I've only pumped once at night because I was simply too tired to move. I can do that because I respond well to the pump, didn't mind supplementing with formula and have a decent supply. If any of those changed, I would be pumping more.



When I nurse my kids, or give them a bottle, I have the option of staying where I am or leaving for another room. What I pick depends on the situation but I typically head for the most comfortable place. With pumping, I had no choice but to leave for another room. I had to leave Cole's baptism party and head upstairs. All of my friends knew what was going on and no one minded but it was lonely and isolating. I mean, I'll breastfeed anytime, anywhere and anyplace but pumping? Even I won't do that without a cover!



I know I have nothing to prove by breastfeeding. I know it is no one's business what is in my kid's bottle but, yes, you do feel judged. I worried what other people would think when I mixed up formula. I felt like a complete and utter failure, even though Cole had a very physical reason why he could not nurse.



A tounge tie requires a bottle. Period. It's not like a low supply where I could have just used a SNS and supplemented him at the breast. He couldn't latch on. Period. He was damaging my nipples and causing toe-curling pain. I had mastisis at two weeks because he couldn't empty the breast properly. It's hard to understand unless you are there but, yes, some babies simply can't latch on.

Several people have suggested a "nursing box" of toys that the kids can play with only when I pump. That would work but it would hold their attention for about 2.5 seconds before they would be fighting over something or destroying the house. The toddler knows I can't move when I pump and gets into mischief; the other day, he ripping up a roll of wrapping paper, cleaned out the bathroom cabniets and took all the tissues out of a box.

I try and time pumping so Cole is asleep. He's a hold me baby and even with hands free pumping, I find it hard to hold him. I've given him a bottle while pumping; an odd juxtoposition if there ever was one.

I've been EP'ing for a month now. It's been a long month. The sacrifices for all six of us have been huge. I don't know how much longer I am going to keep on pumping. I'm asking 3 kids to have their life revolve around me expressing milk for their brother. That's a huge sacrifice to ask young children to make. I don't know how much longer I can ask them to do that.

I've said before that breastfeeding is generally easy, formula feeding is easy, pumping is not. This is a huge lifestyle change for all of us. I keep going because I have a light at the end of the tunnel- he is getting closer to fully nursing. I don't know if I would keep doing this if I didn't have that little light at the end of the tunnel (unless he was sick). There are very, very, very people I would EP for.

It's easy for the experts to say that one method is the perrferred method of feeding. It's easy for people to say what they would do in a situation they are not in. It's sometimes not easy to carry those out.

If I stop pumping for Cole and he can't nurse, I won't have failed him. I won't be feeding him fourth-best. I will have tried my dardest to make MY preferred method of feeding work. And it if it doesn't, I will have a good cry, put on my big girl non-nursing bra and mix up the formula in the bottles and enjoy my baby. I will have slogged through exclusive pumping and come out the other side with my baby in tow and as long as he's happy and healthy, who cares how he's fed?

The End of the Tie... As We Know It

After my Close to Total Nuclear (Pumping) Meltdown, I finally reached a Dr. R. at a local hospital. I took Cami, Georgie and Cole to the dr's office, praying that because the hospital is "St. Joseph's" that that would be a good sign.



Although it is not a peds office, they clearly do alot of peds work. How do I know this? They had, framed on the wall, a mulitude of items they had pulled from ears and noses. I was amused and more than a little grossed out! Bless my children for giving me six years of parenting and not that!



Dr. R had not heard of a Type Four tie. She was VERY detailed and asked alot of questions. She wanted to know the name of the LC I had worked with and wanted to speak to her. I thought she would call the LC later but, no, she called her while we were in the office! The LC was able to give her the quick and dirty of the tie and when R came back intot he room, she took another look and saw the problem.



She was VERY honest with me and wanted to research this type more before agreeing to this surgery. She does alot of tounge tie clippings but not type 4; I felt this was completely reasonable.



Friday I forgot to call the office. Monday, I called and she said Dr. R had looked over the information the LC had sent and was willing to do the surgery. Thursday, Cole and I popped into her office.

We waited a bit since they were behind and when I was called back to the exam room, we waiting some more. I was closing in on panic and could smell the hospital even through my sinus problem. I kept staring out the window and the view was very similar to the one out of the NICU parents' room window. I could see the parking lot, part of the main hospital and it was dreary and raining... and we had alot of dreary, rainy days in the NICU where I stood looking out the window while I scarfed a snack. I kept saying to myself, "This isn't Georgie, this is Cole."

They called us back to numb his tounge. He was NOT thrilled to have a numbing agent put on his tounge and a novacaine shot. He gagged a little then looked at me and fell asleep!

The actual clipping itself took one minute. Two nurses helped hold his head and I held his hands. I refused to look during the clipping (two snips) but I saw the end. As soon as it was done, I picked him up and he stopped crying. I could see and improvement right away. His tounge reached the top of his mouth when he was crying and he could stick his tounge out farther. He did nurse right away and nursed properly in the office. He only took two ounces an hour later, so I know he got something. Right away, he was much neater with the bottle and was quite happy on the couch, sucking his binky for 30 minutes that night. Normally, he would lose it and the cry because he didn't have it and wanted to suck more, so that made us all happy.

Since then, he has tried to nurse and has gotten two sucks in before letting go and crying. I am trying before I pump, after, before bottles, after bottles, with a chiro adjustment, in the middle of the night, during the day, with and without and shield, etc. I am so tired of this but I am keeping going because it hasn't even been a week since we could physically expect him to nurse.

To top it off, he's been fussy and it's been hot; post partum hormones and the heat mean I am sweating like nothing else. I don't know when I will quit pumping but I know the time isn't yet. My supply was very low yesterday, likey due to the heat and the medicine I had to take for a horrible sinus headache. It seems to be back up now but I am not making enough to have him exclusivly breastfed. Jokes on me- by the time we get him to breast, I bet he will be ready for solids!

*Insert Explicitive Here*

It's allll going doooown, baby.

On Tuesday, Cole had an appointment with our ENT. This is the same office that Camille saw to have her tonsils, adnoids and hearing checked. We had a wonderful, postive experience with them the first time, so I was pumped to be seeing them again.

The ENT we saw was NOT the same one we saw with Camille but nevertheless had an awesome personaility and was a great dr. He confirmed the Type Four tie but said he didn't want to/couldn't do the surgery without general ana. and didn't want to do that until Cole reaches 13 pounds. He felt that there could be something neuro-musclar going on or that he would out grow or compesant for the tie as he gets bigger. He wants to keep an eye on him and see us in a month.

I left the appointment not knowing what to think, excpet that I was upset that they couldn't or wouldn't do anything for another month. I was really, really hoping they would say, "Yup! A tounge tie! Let's do surgery" and put him on the sced. for sooner rather than later. I was half way to tears at the thought of pumping again for another MONTH.

(Yes, I got Chik-Fil-A on the way home. The kids were beyond mad I got CFA for ME and not THEM too but I had not eaten breakfast at all nor had coffee so the fries were totally called for. Right.)

The more I thought about it, though, and the more I talked to other mothers, LLL leaders and my LC, the more I realized this is crazy. He's my fourth baby so I know what a nursing newborn feels like and his latch is "wrong." His birthweight crashed and it took him almost three weeks to get back up and the ONLY reason we got him there was through pumping and bottle feeding. The drs were happy he was finally gaining weight but seemed to not hear the "BUT he only got .2 ounces from me during a weight check after 45 minutes of nursing!" He has all the signs of a tounge tie. Besides, nursing is an instinct. We put him on my chest within seconds of birth and, at one point, watched him scoot down and latch on without any help. For the most part, babies are indeed born knowing how to breastfeed and, in my mind, there is no reason why a normal, full term newborn with a normal birthweight and a normal delivery (ie, no birth trauma) should be unable to nurse... UNLESS there is a problem with mom, baby or both.

He's my fourth baby, my supply is good, I'm fine, he's healthy... so the signs point to an oral problem with HIM. Why? Because on a basic, biological level (which he is functioning at) there is no reason for him to simply not nurse, especially when we see him give it the old college try. He knows what to do, he wants to nurse but he physically CAN'T.

I had a meltdown this morning. Around 9:30 last night, my pump stopped working and flashed ERROR. I don't care what electronic device you are, flashing ERROR is Not A Good Thing. I had gotten only 1.5 ounces (half a feeding) but was exhausted so I just went to bed. This had happened before, so I figured the pump would work again in a few hours.

Fast forward to midnight. It was clear Cole was having a growth spurt so I thought, "Well, I need to pump more to keep up with him!" I got up to pump extra, plugged it in, got enough to cover the bottom of the bottles... and I saw ERROR.

F.

I took the pump downstairs, plugged it in, got 3 minutes of pumping in and... Yup.

Are you impressed I resisted the urge to chuck the horns accross the room?

Adam must have been pretty mad too because he suggested calling the rental company right then. I said no, since it was a private business out of a home. I grabbed my hand pump (which would be flashing ERROR if it were electronic) and finished myself off as best I could.

(That sounds wrrrrooong on so many levels.)

Because Cole blew through everything in the fridge and was tapping into the freezer stash, Adam went out to WM at 2 am to get some emergancy formula. I resisted the urge to chuck the hand pump AND the rental out of the windows, only because our home owners insurence might not cover the replacement of the windows and went to bed.

(Then again, if I got a working, pumping mother on the line, she would probably understand where I am coming from and code it so it would be covered.... hum....)

At 6 am, I fed Cole a bottle and tried to use the hand pump. That thing really needs to just hit the recycle bin. It's had six years of use and is begging me to put it out of its misery. Really.

Today was Muffins for Moms at Joseph school. I called the pump rental place, where I was informed that we could "reset" the pump and all the rest of their pumps were rented out. I was thisclose to swearing like a salior, telling them their stupid pump was broke, I didn't WANT to exclusivly pump but MY BABY CAN'T NURSE!!!!, I am in PAIN, tired, have NO COFFEE and DAMN IT JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER PUMP.

I didn't say it but I THOUGHT it.

The woman had the guts to YAWN on the phone and I was all, "Boo frickin hoo for you. I've been up since 1 am. YOUR STUPID PUMP broke and therefor my husband had to get formula at 2 am. I WANT TO FEED MY BABY and my boobs HURT so fix the damn problem!"

I didn't say it but I THOUGHT it.

We reset the pump. I went to Muffins for Moms. (Oooohhh... Mimi's Cafe muffins!) I came home. I pumped. I got 15 minutes in (and an INSANE amount of milk!) before the pumped beeped and said ERROR.

I swore like a salior inside.

I called the pump lady AGAIN who had me take the card out of the back. I did this one handed with a crying baby in the other. I ran the pump solo (ie, I didn't pump) for awhile to see if it worked.

After this, I called every.single oral surgon or ENT who had been recommended to me. It was rather amusing, in hindsight, and a bit like when I had to call around for a dr for me. Not a single one took our insurence. Not.a.one.

Then I was thiscloser to a Total Nuclear Meltdown.

Thankfully, Cole was feeling cuddly so I cuddled him on the couch and let Camille and Georgie do whatever. The house looks like whatever offically hit it but I napped for an hour. I moved only to get a bottle and take a phone call from the LC.

Bless her- she had the name of two ENTs who fellow LCs said knew and had delt with a Type Four tie. She gave me some more information and I felt so much better after talking to her. The first place I called took our insurence AND has an opening for Tuesday.

I will so make it work because we need a second opinion. I am thankful Cole is healthy. I am thankful he is full term. I am happy we have clean water and the money to afford formula, which is not evil.

But I WANT to nurse my baby. And even if I didn't, this could affect his speech down the road so I owe it to him NOW to have it looked at and possibly taken care of.

And then I can stop swearing internally.