Book Launch, Pizza and Bagels: Three Days in NYC (pt. 1)

(Begin here to read about how everything magically fell in place.)

Whenever something big happens, for good or not, my anxiety tends to ramp up. It's a perfectly normal response to excitement so I'm used to it. I was even amused when I woke up at 2:30 am, shook Adam awake and said, "What time is it?!" fearful I had missed the alarm and my plane.

My husband. He's a good sport.

Needless to say, I did NOT miss my alarm or plane. I was up, dressed and out of the house before six am. I made sure to reward myself for my prompt and early arrival:

Cute story: When I was in line at Starbucks, a mom and little girl were in front of me, chatting away in Sign. I know a few baby signs and couldn't make out anything they were saying but, "Can I have this donut? How about this candy? Or this?" and "No! It's too early for junk!" are conversations that would never need a translator!

My flight from KC to TX was on-time and smooth flying. I read The 100 on the plane and really enjoyed it. It's different from the TV show; enough different that I can't compare the two except to say that if you like one, you will like the other. The flight from TX to NYC was a little bumpy and I learned an important lesson: If you have to pee in TX, don't wait until NY to find a bathroom!

(Adam: You know you can pee on the plane. They do have bathrooms.
Me: I didn't want too! I was by the window and didn't want to climb over people!
Adam:  It's better than peeing on them!)

For the record, I did NOT pee my pants. I just had trouble finding a bathroom when I got to NY and my bladder was not happy.

So. Enough about that.

People say NYC smells funny and I suppose it does. It defiantly doesn't smell like where I live in KS, which, at any given point, could smell like skunk, pollen or people grilling. Mostly it smells like nothing at all, a generic nothingness as if the entire county has been detoxed of any identifying odor. But the city smells like so many things, mostly like my childhood. In a way, it smells like Nana, my aunts and my cousins and so many fond memories of visiting them

And it's loud. So loud! I'm sitting in my bedroom now and it's too quiet. The city never really sleeps and I remember the sounds soothing me when I spent the night at my nana's.

I felt pretty slick taking car service by myself to my cousin's. I mean, ignore the fact that she arranged for it. The driver was really nice and told me he once owned his own company doing embroidery on shirts and jackets for places like Hard Rock Cafe, Disney, tourist shops, etc. It was fun to chat about colors and logos and such with him.

My cousin! Ack, my older cousin and my plus one for the evening! It was so amazing to see her and my aunt. I haven't seen either of them since my uncle's funeral two years ago. My cousin cooked dinner, we walked the dogs and caught up on everything and I got a shower in my aunt's new shower that looked exactly like something out of a "bold look of Kolher" commercial. It felt even better, as if I was bathing in sunshine and rainbows. I'm moving in, just for the shower.

I have one living grandparents, my father's mother that we call Nana. All of us- her children, in-laws and the grandkids- would do anything for Nana. She's an enigma. You do not cross Nana and if you gain her favor you get Spaghetti Pie and cookies from the Italian bakery.

Ah, who am I kidding. She bring us cookies in the white box with the red twine no matter what!

My cousin and I took the afternoon to visit Nana. She ordered real NY pizza and I had two slices and it was .... heaven. It was storming outside and another cousin told me I brought the mid-western weather with me. I agreed and he said he was going to throw me outside to sacrifice me to the weather gods. He was kidding. I think.

Lunch with Nana was too short. Most of the time, I'm okay living where I do and I do love the life I have in the midwest. But it's times like that when I wish I was closer and I could have pizza and cake with my nana more often. I wish my children could visit the city like I did and have memories of playing in a pool in a small, cement backyard with astroturf grass. Many times during the trip I reminded myself to make sure I bring the kids to NYC to visit.

Okay, enough about memory lane. After lunch, it was time for... the subway.

Now, when I was younger and we were visiting Nana, my father put the FEAR OF GOD into me about the subway. I have no idea why. He never took us on it. We were too young to go on it with even our oldest cousins. We didn't live in the city. A few days before I flew into the city, I mentioned to Dad that my cousin and I were taking the subway to the book launch and he was all ZOMGOSH NO SUBWAY.

Of course I had to send this picture:

 With the caption, "I'm on the subway!"
Then I sent this:

To prove I was getting ON THE SUBWAY and not just standing on some dirty old street. Look, I might be 35 and have four kids but I'm never too old to drive my parents crazy.

Oh, and the subway? So not scary. Okay, the stairs were a giant pain. I was sweating and my thighs were burning by the time we were done. It's because I'm from the midwest and everything's flat. I joked that I had altitude sickness by the end of it. I was hot and sweaty and UGH. But stairs aside, it was FINE. I mean, yeah it was kinda dirty and it smelled funny but as long as you don't sit in any wet spots, you're good. As my brother-in-law's friend said, "If it smells funky, find another car." Wise words, that.

We finally ended up in the DUMBO area of Brooklyn. I took many random pictures, just to show the kids the different landscape and how close we were to the water, trains, etc.

We even rode the Carousel! It was $2/ person and so fun!

Me and the city in the background.

I think we spent a good thirty minutes just hanging by the water, talking and admiring the building. Admid the hustle and bustle of the city, it was so calm and peaceful. I told my cousin it felt like home, like every good childhood memory I have of visiting my cousins. I can remember waking up in the car and being so excited to see the bridges because I knew we were close to Nana's.

But then it was time to mosey back and get ready for the launch.

(You seriously thought I could make this one post! HA! Stay tuned for more fun!)

Less than 24 hours from now...

I'm getting stupid excited for the book launch. And it's not even my book! I dunno. I think it's everything- the launch, seeing my grandmother, my cousins, my aunt, my brother-in-law AND meeting his girlfriend. I took the kids out to get presents for some people and we're now home watching TV and waiting for laundry to finish. Just this morning, I have:

checked in early
printed my boarding pass
printed the info for the car service
printed information for Adam on who needs to be where and when
e-mailed workouts for "my" group to the head coach AND printed copies for the other coaches
bought a book
downloaded several books to my Kindle app on my phone AND my computer
downloaded a new album to my phone because heaven forbid I be BORED
got presents for people. Yep, super cook Kansas presents. I am awesome like that.
Bought a pretty new skirt to match my lucky white shirt.
Read this article about the book

Speaking of parenting things, my oldest is hanging out with my parents for 3 weeks. So far he has mowed the lawn, helped my mom in the garden, gone to the barber, helped baby-sit his cousins and gone shopping for the food pantry. If he thought it was going to be all fun and games and SUGAR... poor kid. I'll feel bad for him sometimes. ;) No, really, he's going to have a blast.

I have to run and finish packing. Shoes. I need to pick SHOES.

It's a .... thing?

It's July one, which means:
1. My oldest nephew's birthday is today! Yay!
and
2. The anniversary of my niece's passing is next week. Um, big booooo.

As a result of number two AND a wicked sinus infection that required drugs upon drugs, I've been feeling a little down in the dumps. I'm tired (thank you, stupid infection), hot (thanks, summer) and agnsty. I'm not as bad as I could be, as I'm taking great care of myself, but everything's just been a little off.

Then Sunday I logged onto Facebook and checked a local preemie charity I follow. They posted a picture of a baby they are helping and he's wearing one of my hats! A hat I donated and made in memory of Miss Who! I was really excited, as I've never seen one of my donated hats on a baby before! (I've made ones for friends and seen pictures but not one I've donated to a local NICU.) It made me feel great to know they are being loved and used!

The next day, the kids and I found a ladybug in the pool. I didn't know ladybugs could swim! When I got close to scoop her out of the pool, I noticed she had alot of spots on her back and some of them were heart shaped. I called my kids over and they agreed; heart shaped spots. She was not happy that I was trying to get her out of the water and scurried around until Camille carried her off to the roses that grow in the nearby garden.

(Ladybugs are always associated with my niece. We see them randomly but always at times that are important to us, like when we did family pictures.)

Tuesday, I fired up my computer to find... and invitation to Deanna Fei's book launch. 

To say you had to peel me off the ceiling is a major understatement! I was so, so excited! I really wanted to go but was fairly sure it couldn't happen. I mean, it will be in NYC and I am so not in NYC. Besides, I don't want to travel around a major city alone... but wait.

I have cousins. Cousins who live in New York.

What happened next was a flurry of texting and calls to my husband and my cousins. My husband found out that we have enough points to get me to New York for FREE if I stay just 48 hours. My cousin is off work that week and I can stay with her. The venue is 15 minutes away from her house and she can be my plus one! I can see my grandmother! The whole trip is going to cost me time off work and food.

I'd like to say it's a God-thing. That there's a reason this random trip resulting from a random comment left on an article is happening now. Is there? Perhaps. It's so easy to say that God (or my niece) had a hand in this trip. I mean, look how everything fell into place! I don't know, though. I think God has a hand in everything and that if this trip hadn't worked out, there would be a reason for that too. (And even though it worked out, the loss of 3 days pay for me has me nervous... hello, trust.)

Maybe this trip is a God thing.
Maybe it is a Miss Who thing.
Maybe it's .... a thing.

But at the end of the day... I'M GOING TO A BOOK LAUNCH!!!

Best Laid Schemes

But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane,

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

          Gang aft agley,

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

          For promis’d joy!

(from "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns) 

This year, I had plans for summer. I was no longer going to put our summer on hold because we "might" travel. I wasn't going to sit around and look at everyone else's pictures of the beach,  mountains and cruises while I was at home, hitting up the neighborhood pool for the millionith time. I wasn't going to be "cruise director" and do ALL THE THINGS for the kids. Nope! Camps were to be had! Swim team needed to be coached and swum! Robotics! The LEGO exhibit at the gardens! A mother's helper to help while I worked! Imma gonna take back summer and have fun, even if my husband is allergic to traveling!

Well. Best laid schemes and all.

I've been working for a swim team that takes place year 'round (henceforth known as the Year Round Team, YRT) since September. I love it and enjoy what I am doing.  This team reminds me why I love swimming and working with the kids. It's just a good situation and a team I would happily put my kids on.

Because swimming can be seasonal and, in the past, my employment has been based off numbers, I am always slightly unsure if I will have a job in the next season. It's just the nature of the beast and has nothing to do with me as a coach. Yet most swim coaches know that if you want to pack in the hours and dollars, you can work for a summer league team. Thanks to my awesome networking skillz, I heard about a possible position with a summer league (SL) team. Long story short, I was offered the job and accepted.

I knew the head coach had a reputation for being... not what I am used to... but I figured I could work with it. I can generally work with anyone. Plus, sometimes people get a bad rap just because of one thing or because their style doesn't work for everyone. I met the head coach, HC, a couple times and could see why her personality was polarizing; you either loved or hated her. Still, it didn't bother me too much and I figured we could work together. Even though I got looks of pity from the other YRT coaches, I figured I could suck anything up for seven weeks.

I couldn't.

It came down to a few things: a) don't belittle me in front of parents and swimmers; b) I will not teach strokes incorrectly and c) don't yell and belittle the swimmers.

The parents were awesome. The place where the SL team is held is very multi-cultural and I loved getting to know people from all walks of life. The guards were great- sweet, funny and professional. I enjoyed the other coaches. It was just the HC who ruined it for me.

I mostly feel horrible. Lots and lots of people I trust- my parents, my sister, my husband and the YRT coaches- have told me it is not worth staying in a toxic situation.Not even for the money- and oh the pay was good! We could use the money but, as my mother-in-law said, most people can always use more money. Based on the events that came to a head, and pushed me over the edge into quitting, I know I pissed off the director and assistant director. I like both of them and am upset that I angered them.

And the money. Sigh. It would have gone a long way towards paying for speech. I was going to treat myself to LUSH products and spoil the kids with a trip to a water park this summer. Between the two teams, I was working 20 hours a week and the house was a mess but I would  have enough money for a housekeeper when Adam has his surgery. Oh, and we could sock it away for emergencies. Not that we can't live off just Adam's salary- we can and do. It's just... extra is nice. (Vacation anyone?)

In spite of feeling horrible, I'm trying to look on the bright side. Do you know how bad I smelled after coaching on a steamy deck? I think my tweens smelled better! (Hence the need for Lush products!) I can spend more time with the kids (yay!) and keep the house cleaner (yay). We can still hit up a local pool and the splash pad, although the water park is out. Since I won't be on a pool deck every two hours multiple times a week, we should be able to go to a late afternoon movie. Oh, and it looks like I will be with the YRT in the fall! That has me the most excited!

While the kids are at VBS this week I am taking back my summer. I have open days now and we're going to do allll the things I had planned on cramming into my days off. My best laid schemes went awry but you know what? I'm not going to let my FORMER head coach destroy the summer for us,

So this happened

About 18 months ago, I read an article by Deanna Fei, My Baby and AOL's Bottom Line. It's well-written and sharp but something about the author's tone made me send a message to the author.

Now, I never leave comments in the combox unless it is a blogger I know or I'm entering to win something. And I never, ever, ever message author's I don't know. ComBoxes tend to make me weep for humanity, especially when it comes to articles that might be controversial. As for e-mailing authors... eh. I leave great Amazon reviews. I tell everyone about their books. I favorite them on Goodreads. But I don't e-mail them because I don't want to seem like some pre-teen fangirl even if I am totally fangirling inside.

Yet I did. I have a vague notion of what I said, something about how she is not alone in her feelings. I e-mailed her, I received a short note in reply and that was that.

Until last week, about 18 months after I read the article. I received an e-mail from Fei thanking me for my comment and how it was one of many that inspired her to write a book, Girl In Glass (due in July) about her experiences. A few e-mails later (!!! because who am I kidding, I was sitting there with a dumb grin on my face thinking, "THIS IS SO COOL!") she told me that my initial e-mail to her is quoted in her book! It's anonymous, of course, but still!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get paid nothing. My name's not even in there. BUT. PEOPLE! A real live, honest to goodness writer- like, she's written another novel! She make a living writing!- said that something I (yeah, yeah, yeah, and others) inspired her next work. At swanky dinner parties (that I never attend), I'll be able to toss my hair, casually sip my wine and just happen to say, "You know, when I was quoted by/inspired an author..." Years from now, I'll pull the book off my shelves and show my grandchildren where I am (not) mentioned in a book.

Okay, yes, I am a complete goober. I'm aware this is interesting and super cool to only me. I am also aware that I might be mildly in awe of anyone who is published because I know how long, hard and slogging the process is. But it's funny, you know, how having a preterm infant puts everyone on equal footing: a housewife and swim coach with four children in the suburbs of the midwest suddenly has something in common with a writer in NYC, all because of an intensive care unit. I have a feeling we could sit down over tea (or KC BBQ or, even better, NY bagels piled with cream cheese or butter) and not run out of things to talk about. We have a common ground in our children, their early beginnings and our struggles. It seems we both have a passion for educating people about pre-term infants and everything that it entails, during the NICU and after.

You know what the best thing about this is, though? My words made someone feel better. I never know if reaching out to someone is going to be well received, especially when her daughter was born much earlier than my son. Yet it did and, to me, that's better than any (not) mention in a book.

Well, now you have me mad

Just Tuesday, I was waiting for the speech therapist to arrive when I noticed dog poop on my capris. (Long, not glamorous story about the dog being locked in a closet.) I grumbled about it a bit and the therapist laughed and said, "You are so calm about everything!"

Haha. I am so not calm about everything. Like right now. Right now, I am PISSED.

You see, a kid has a rash. It is a common rash at the tail-end of an even more common virus. A couple nurse-friends looked at him and said, "Meh, it's the rash at the end of a virus.He's not contagious. Don't waste your time at urgent care." I didn't. I told the teacher what it was, kid felt fine, so he trotted off to school.

I got a call saying he needed to come home because the rash was spreading. He came home. Rash looked better today. I sent him back to school.

All four kids were in school at the same time today because of a field trip. Adam and I jumped on the chance to see each other before 9 pm and were out the door to breakfast when the call came. Kid still has a rash and since a physician didn't confirm that he is not a germ infested cess pool, kid MUST LEAVE SCHOOL.

Oh, hell no.

No.

My kid wants to be in school and you want to send him home for no reason? Not gonna fly. You want an MD to confirm what 3 nurses told us- it's nothing, don't worry? Good, you can pay the 75 dollar co-pay at urgent care. What? You have no sympathy that 75 dollars is not a drop in the bucket for us? And then...

"I'm sorry that you don't care about the health and well being of your child or the others in the school."

Excuse me? Excuse ME? EXCUSE ME?! Oh no YOU DID NOT. I just sat there, stunned. One does not play the "you don't care about their health" card. Nope. Nope. I have a therapist, medication and a diagnosis that would say otherwise. In fact, I've spent the past six years working to NOT freak out over every cold and cough.

Me, who will Google what whopping cough or the croup sounds like when a kid has a super-nasty cough.

Me, who has been known to count respiration and look for retractions.

Me, who has done CPR on her own kid.

Me, who has scrubbed up to her arm pits to end the NICU and used so much hand sanitizer in nursing homes that the staff looks at me weird.

I'm going to remember how much I don't care when I pop my anti-anxiety and anti-depressants. When I go to my therapist, when I have my sister and friends talk me down off the ledge and remind me that my kids are really healthy and fine.

The kicker? I just defended this person as a professional to someone else this weekend!

Oh, and the double kicker? Another kid had a low grade fever and was pulling on his ear. They couldn't reach me so they sent the kid back to class! What happened to calling emergency contacts?! Forgive me if I don't take the ZOMGOSH RASH! seriously.

Oxygen! It's Awesome!

Whoa. Oxygen. It's amazing. Addicting. Who knew well-oxygenated blood could do so much?!

Okay, I should back up here a moment... or several months. Warning: I'm about to get all TMI on you.

I turned 35 in August. I swear that very month, my body went, "You're old!" and began to crap out on me. My next cycle was six weeks long. This was completely different than my post-baby normal of a period every month, lasting only about 3 to 4 days. I've had cycles of varying length and heaviness my entire life so to have a period that was less than a week and fairly light left me VERY happy. I had a few months of super-heavy-painful cramps but some medication took care of that. I was in happy period land... until I turned 35.

My mom said my cycles might go long-short for awhile so I chalked it up to normal. Then in December I had a very, very heavy period. (This is about to become TMI, peeps.) I had two days of bleeding then nothing. I thought I was done but when I used the restroom during Mass, I had some really heavy bleeding. It reminded me of the first few hours or days after you have a baby only it was pure blood, no clots or anything. Of course I didn't have a tampon on me, so I went home to get one. I began to feel shaky, tired and weak. I thought I was coming down with something so I sent a sub to the nursing home instead and went home to sleep.

Even laying down and sleeping, my period was still heavy and I still felt so tired. After a few days, though, I was back to normal and my  next period was heavy, but nothing like the one before it.

Except... I wasn't so normal.

The first week back from vacation I was fine. I had energy. Well, a reasonable amount. Then I began to get really tired, even after a good nights sleep. I thought it was just part of getting back into our routine. Then I had a period and, well, I'm always tired around my period. But I was still tired. Coupled with some hair loss and swelling I finally made an appointment with my doctor. I had been putting off because I didn't want to hear about how much weight I need to loose (I KNOW OKAY!) but it seemed like my thyroid had finally given up.

Nope. I was anemic.

Anemic? Well, that makes sense. All the symptoms I had (including the sudden need for a two hour nap in the middle of the day and STILL being tired!) are signs of anemia. The doctor told me to take iron and vitamin C and to come back in three months for a re-check.

I took my first iron pill that day and PEOPLE. Energy! I had a little breakfast and then went to do some pre-planned organizing and rearranging. I kept going... and going... and going... At one point, I stopped for some lunch and realized I wasn't tired. I wasn't stopping for a breath (something I had been doing and thought it was because of my weight) and I wasn't "I need a nap" exhausted. In fact, Joe and I snuggled to watch a TV show and I didn't fall asleep! I couldn't believe it was working already and joked to Adam that if this was a placebo effect, I'd take it!

The next day was just as awesome. I helped both Camille and the boys in their room and began plans to declutter the house over the next few days. Adam joked he was going to hide my iron. I said the real test would come this week, when I was working and on my feet more.

Well, it's Tuesday. Yesterday was good. George snuggled against me and napped but I didn't! I felt pretty energized and clear headed when I was coaching. I was more tired than the night before, and fell asleep around ten, which I consider a reasonable bed time. It's one pm now and I am feeling a bit of a mid-afternoon slump but nothing like before. My stomach is a little "Eh" but I have really upped my diet of iron rich veggies and cut back on caffeine, both of which is likely playing a part.

I'm giving myself one full cycle to see how this goes (I'm also starting medication to help with the heavy bleeding) but if this energy keeps up, I might even get up early to go swimming!

Whirlwind trip

About three weeks ago, I had arranged to visit my parents for a few days before Christmas. The thought was that the kids and I would drive down after Joe's cello recital, have "Christmas" early and then drive back after only 2-3 days. Just as I was talking to a friend about this, my brother sent a text that he was coming to visit!

We hadn't seen each other in 18 months, so I was STOKED. I changed my plans with my parents and the kids and I drove down on the 31st. We had a huge dinner with my parents, sister and her family. George had his first sleepover ever with his cousins and did great! In fact, he spent two nights with them! He's been asking for a sleepover for ages and this was a great way to test the waters, so to speak.

The next day, Joe went to hang out with friends and my sister and I hit the mall. We went to All the Stores!!! that you can't take kids into. Our brother arrived that night, just in time for another HUGE dinner. All our kids were so excited.

Unfortunately, that night Joe got sick. He spent most of the night throwing up and he slept the entire next day. Literally. He dragged himself to the recliner in the living room, slept, woke up to take a bath, and went back to the chair. He didn't even have the energy to drag a shirt over his head. My mom roused him enough to take him to bed and he slept all night. He woke up Saturday his usual, snarky self.

And really, really, really unfortunately, a bug seems to be going around. Camille threw up once, as did Cole. George has been hit the worst. The poor boy rarely gets sick but when he does, he makes it worth it. He was complaining of his stomach hurting Saturday morning and then threw up riiiight in the middle of family pictures.

Oh, yes. You see, my sister and I went "Everyone will be together! Let's do pictures!" She got the photographer, we picked a color scheme and everyone looked lovely and charming. We got a group shot of our parents and the grandkids and then kicked the kids out to do group up photos. Five minutes later, Joe ran in to tell up George had puked. Poor boy. And poor my extended family, who will now get the stomach flu.

But! Happier note! The pictures are going to be awesome! I'm so happy we have them! The visit itself was perfect, seven insane kids and one demented cat and all! Just a word to the wise: if you want to do family pictures, do them at the beginning of the trip, before your parents have stuffed you full of turkey, ham, bread, cheese, pasta and lots of wine. Otherwise, your pants might not fit. I have no idea how I know this...

Christmas Re-Cap

Wow, where to start. We've had a little more than two weeks as a family and reality will hit Monday morning. I do not want reality to hit and am firmly in denial that I will have to drag my butt out of bed at six in the morning. Nope. Nope. Annnnnnd nope!

We  began the season with presents at my in-laws. They helped us by a new TV so their gifts to us were light, which was perfect. They got the kids one outfit, books and ornaments. Cole also got a game. I received a pretty, new infinity scarf that I just love. I wear alot of solid colors (in short, I have the wardrobe of a goth business professional) so I love scarves to brighten things up!

Christmas was awesome. I had a touch of insomnia and was awake beginning at 3:30. It was actually very peaceful to sit cuddled in the recliner, typing, with the Christmas lights and presents around me. Camille and George woke at six but played in her room for 45 minutes until everyone got up. Santa brought baseball cards and chocolate in their stockings which kept them occupied until the coffee brewed. Once we were all fully awake, they tore into their presents: a Sonic Screwdriver, Chicken AT-AT walker... thing ("MOM! IT IS NOT A THING!"),  a sewing kit so someone leaves my sewing stuff alone, lots of Star Wars and Percy Jackson.... and science kits. Oh, and LEGO. For a solid week the kids have played nicely with each other. There has been some Star Wars/LEGO mash up going on in the dining room and a Nerf war daily. Happy kids, happy parents.

The day after Christmas our music teacher, and friend, took the little boys to see Big Hero 6 while we took the older kids to see A Christmas Carol at the KC Rep! I won tickets through a website and the show was awesome! It had some cool special effects and just the right amount of audience interaction. Joe was "meh" about the whole thing but Camille really liked it!

I've been so spoiled. Adam and I have taken turns sleeping in and the kids are old enough to get their own breakfast, so we can sleep past seven. Everyone has been helping with the cleaning. It's so nice to see my husband for more than just and hour in the evening. We've been watching lots of Doctor Who together and drinking pots of tea. He's even watched a couple episodes of "Outlander" with me. He doesn't care much for the show but he doesn't hate it, so there's that. (Kinda like me and "Top Gear." It's okay but I'm not in love with it.) I've had help with the speech therapy runs and TKD. I'm not ready to go back to school and work! Bah!

Mundane Family Stuff

As if life with the Herd could ever be boring! (Could it be? Please? Just one year?)

George has his piano recital Saturday. I actually ironed his dress shirt, forced him into a sweater and scrubbed him until he shown. He looked so handsome! I was afraid he would refuse at the last minute or would make it to the stage and not do anything- but he didn't! He did great! Of course, the kids in his class are 6 to 8 years old, so it was about what you would expect for beginning students. George kept looking for us in the crowd and I finally stood to the side with the other picture-taking parents so he would see me and play. He did; he tried very hard but the "drums playing without a drummer" confused him. Still! He got up there, played and did an excellent job!

The other day, I heard "Mary had a little lamb" coming from the playroom. I walked in and CAMILLE was playing it! She taught herself some beginning piano from George's book! I am so impressed!

Joe's recital is Saturday and I've been hearing the cello more frequently now. He's beginning to out grow his half size cello and will need a 3/4ths one soon. Adam's already begun looking for one. We're going to keep the half-size, though, since George has shown an interest in it. We joke that he can't begin until he grows into it!

We took the kids to the zoo on Sunday. Santa was diving with the penguins and we knew the kids would like that. They did, although it was a creepy Santa with all his scuba gear on. I mean, really creepy. You could have your picture taken with Santa and the penguins. I thought it would be Santa in front of the tank but no, he was in the water, in front of the glass! Creepy, creepy.

It was warm and lots of animals were out. Since there was a football game going on, it wasn't crowded and the zoo keepers were able to talk to us. We learned that there will be baby penguins before the new year, which elephant is the "alpha female," how elephants talk, that all the penguins have names and more. Even the lions were out and we heard them roar! It was pretty cool!

The not cool part? The bird show, where my family chose to sit next to one of the perches so the damn birds were flying over us. Oh, then as we walked by the elephant enclosure, one of them was flinging dirt at people. Yeah, I almost got elephant dirt flung on me. Cute. Not.

The last day of school is Friday, so I'm making a list of all the fun things we can do over break. We've hit the zoo and I think the little boys want to go to the children's museum. Add a bounce house or two and a trip to visit my parents and we will have a busy break!

2015: The Year of....

The past few years seem to be marked my a general upheaval in life, either externally, like a new baby or a move, or internally. (Emotional turmoil for the win!)

2013: The Year I Did or Experienced All the Hard Things
2014: The Year I Rediscovered All The Things I Love

I want 2015 to be the year I get my body back. I want to finally, this fall when Cole is in K in the mornings, to go to the gym. Get rid of the 40 extra pounds. I'd like to feel good about my body again. I NEED to do but I've made promises like this before. Can I? I'll let you know in a year.

Mockingjay, Part 1

This post contains spoilers about the movie Mockingjay. However, if you've read the book... very little will be a surprise.

Whoa. I went to see Mockingjay with two friends last night. We had an amazing moms night out. One of our local theaters has a "fork and screen" option where you can order food and watch the movie. My friends had gone to Fork and Screen before but I hadn't. I was totally cravings red meat and fried stuff, so I had a hamburger and fries. It was a little better than Applebee's quality but totally fun for a MNO and a movie the three of us wanted to see.

And. Whoa. Some amazing stuff:

1. Haymitch and Effie. They deviated from cannon here and had Effie take the part of Katniss' prep team. She was awesome and the banter between her and Haymitch was a much needed reprise from the very serious nature of the film. One of Effie's best lines? "You know what needs a revolution? That hair."
2. The Hanging Tree. Why this isn't in the official soundtrack that you can purchase, I don't know. Jennifer Lawerence says she can't sing and, true, she's not Taylor Swift or Lorde but she does have a pretty voice. In the books, Katniss' singing voice is a Big Deal but not so much in the movies. Still, the took The Hanging Tree and ran with it and the effect was so powerful. It's a motif that carries through the entire movie. Listen closely to the background music when Katniss and Finnick are talking during the bombing of D13. It's The Hanging Tree! (Random note: I've had this song stuck in my head for two days and I've been humming it around the house. My four year old likes the song!)
3. Gale. I feel like the movie rounded out Gale's character well. In the books, he comes across as a possessive jerk. I wanted to reach through the pages and smack him, telling him to leave Katniss the heck alone, the poor dear had been through enough and didn't need to pick a lover! In the movie, Gale is always in the background, seemingly protecting her. There's a brief scene when they return to D12 where they kiss but it seems like Gale knows her heart isn't into it. In fact, in the movie, it is Gale, not Boggs, who tells Katniss to be with Peeta when he wakes up. He seems to know Katniss loves Peeta in a romantic way and while it doesn't thrill him, he's resigned to it.
4. Peeta. Someone needs to give Josh Hutcherson an award for the last fifteen minutes of the film alone. We know he's a good actor but he blew me away with hijacked!Peeta. 
5. The rescue scene and stuff with Snow. Snow is completely revealed as someone who likes to eff with Katniss' mind. I mean, we knew that but to see the evil of this man...I also loved the rescue scene, which was different from the book. In the book, Katniss is out for most of it or hiding with Finnick. In the movie... well, watch it. It's good. Moving. Imposing. Powerful.
6. The ending. Again, give J-Hutch an award for this acting. I was basically correct as to where they cut it but they cut from Peeta in the hospital to a speech to Peeta and... THE FEELS, people. THE FEELS.

What I wish we had seen more of:

1. Coin as the evil mastermind she is. Okay, maybe evil is too strong... naw, evil. We learn more about her back story, which makes me wonder if she wants/hopes/is using Katniss to be a replacement for her family. And when that ends.... In the book, Katniss tolerates Coin for the sake of saving her friends and family but in the movie, it seems like Coin really likes Katniss and tries to help her. They're going to have to do some major stuff in movie 2 to make her killing Coin justifiable. 
2. Finnick. There is no "Finnick Odair in his underwear" scene, which is so funny in the book! That makes me sad! We don't learn much more about his character and his involvment in the Capitol. I guess we don't need to but new info would have been interesting. Annie is in the movie for about five seconds, total, and we mostly see her hair. Because of where they cut it, this is to be expected but I still wish we had seem more of them together. Maybe in movie 2?

I want to go see the movie a second time to pick up some stuff I missed (follow the link above. Dandelions!) I don't know if I will have time so I guess I just have to sit on pins and needles until the DVD comes out!

Quick Takes Friday: Gettin' Old and Funerals

1. So my hairdresser said she didn't see any grey hairs last night. Now, she has no reason to lie to me because she would make MORE money off me if I was gettin' grey. I should rejoice, right? No because YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? My eyesight is going! I'm as blind as an eyeless bat so it's not like I have sight TO LOOSE.

Geez.

2. Our church called today and asked if Joseph would be an Alter Server at a funeral tomorrow. He's already serving the daily Mass before that, so I said yes. He's fine with it. I'm not sure if I should be like, "Yay, Joe! They think you're good enough to serve at a funeral!" or be all, "that's sad," because, um, funeral.

3. Yep, one of our kiddos is an Alter Server. You have to be in the fifth grade to be one. Camille is bummed but it will be her turn soon.

4. Ninja Alter Server Picture:

Taking "defending the faith" to a whole new level.

5. The adorable Elf on the Shelf:

If this kid doesn't come up with a decent Halloween costume idea, I'm sticking his red sweater on him, red sweat pants and sending him as the Elf on the Shelf. He picked out the color and yarn and my mom made the sweater. It just happens that he look HILARIOUSLY like the Elf!

6. Fall finally arrived, weather wise. I have not, however, had a pumpkin spice latte. That is just sad.

7. The official Mockingjay trailer is out in a few days and I am DYING. Can't wait!

Things Fall Apart

And by "things" I mean me. My body.

I turned 35 last month. I love my birthday because, hello, CAKE and my mother always makes my favorite pie and it is ALL MINE and I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE. Oh, and presents, even if I do tend to buy them myself, give them to my husband saying, "Guess what you got me for my birthday!" and act surprised when I open them.

Did I say PIE?

A lot of my friends have issues with getting older but I'm mostly "meh" about the whole thing. I love an excuse to go out to eat and get presents so I still consider my birthday fun. Plus, it's gonna happen anyway so I might as well enjoy it, right?

(We'll ignore the fact that my sister pointed out I'm halfway to 70 and my dad commented on how old I am. I'm in the market for a new dad and sister; inquire via e-mail.)

So, anyway, birthday = yay! Until this month.

It began with (TMI) the longest cycle in four years. Being Catholic and using NFP, I keep track of the who, what, when and where of my cycle and this one was dragging on a week longer than normal. I was getting nervous, although my mother said this began happening to her around my age. What is this, peri-peri menopause? I'm not ready for this malarkey.

After that, I noticed my pants and skirts getting tighter. I haven't changed my dietary habits so I'm not sure what's up with that. I did take this as a hint to hit the treadmill more often, which I have been doing. Fall should be here soon and I'll be able to take walks more often.

The long cycles and weight gain I can deal with, grudgingly, but then! Today! I found a GREY HAIR in my bangs. Oh, HECK NO. I had one last year, in my eyebrows, and I just had that sucker waxed away. It didn't return so I chalked it up to stress and grief. But this one! in my bangs! I treat my hair so nice... pricey vegan shampoo! gentle scrubbings! no dye! And this is how it repays me?! Nope. No. Not happening.

This is war, people, all out hair war. I'm going in for a trim tomorrow and plan to ask my hairdresser if there are any more nasty little suckers in there. If there are, I will not be going grey with grace and dignity. Nope. Goin' down fighting over here, with a box of hair dye clutched in my grubbing paws.

I might be getting older, I might feel older but I'm not going to look older. Nope.

Call it a hunch

I'm going back to work as a swim coach and I have to re-take some training classes. No big deal, it's all basic safety stuff. However, open-water swimming is part of the training.

Call it a hunch but I doubt I'm going to need to know how to spot a shark- you know, living in a land locked state and all! It was pretty funny... Adam overheard the clip and asked, "WHAT are you training for?!"

***
Cole: Mommy, what we having for dinner?
Me: chicken and biscuits
Cole: I help?
Me: Sure.
Cole: Okay! I need hard boil egg with yolk, apples and applesauce! I get the apples!

We settled for making applesauce muffins to go with the chicken.

Twas the night before school....

Five years ago exactly I walked my oldest into a kindergarten classroom. After wrangling three year old Camille and nine month old George, I walked back to our car in the muggy August afternoon. I saw another mom from the class walk down the street- she was hugely pregnant and carrying a little blond girl. I called out to her, wanting to make some friends who had children the same age as mine.

We've been friends for five years now. This year, for my birthday, she gave me Doctor Who themed dishcloths because she is awesome.

Five years ago, Cole was a bundle of cells, our house still had ugly wall paper and life was very different.

Now, George is five and going off to kindergarten. We've lived here almost his entire life and half of Joe's. This is Joe's last year at elementary school. On Meet the Teacher night, he and his friends were talking about JUNIOR HIGH. Whoa, buddy, let's finish fifth grade first!

I was fine all summer. George starting kindergarten? No problem! Love his teacher, love the school, love the whole staff. This summer, he has been on fire and is so, so ready to rock kindergarten.

I might suddenly be a *small* mess.

Five years and nine months ago, my baby couldn't breath on his own. He didn't talk until he was three and a half. He cried the first four months of preschool.The whole mainstream kindergarten thing with no para? I didn't dare dream. It was moment to moment, sound to sound kinda of living.

Adam reminded George that if his new friends can't understand him, to ask the teacher and she will help. I didn't cry.

I didn't cry as we got out his new "kindergarten is cool" shirt. I didn't cry on meet the teacher night.

But when I got him out of the tub and rubbed lotion on his skin and over his funky belly button- funky because of the lines that went into it to save his life- I started to get all teary. I remembered the first time I gave him a gentle massage with hospital lotion. I remember his nurse watching me, his face scrunching as I gently rubbed him.

It's mild stones like this that remind how fragile his beginning (all of ours, really) was. It reminds me how damn lucky we are. He was- is- a late term preemie with significant speech problems. He needed three years of special education preschool. He still faces an uncertain speech/language/writing future. I don't know what it holds.

I do know this: He is damn lucky. WE are damn lucky. We live in a major metro area with a school that harkens back to the small town schools... but with all the bells and whistles of any high tech school. The staff is small, with 2-3 classes per grade. They know my kids. I know them. And every single person will go to bat for my children. I know this because they already have done so. His teacher already loves him and his preschool teacher is right down the corner.

George is strong and proud and determined. He's got a great team in his corner. He will rock this school.

When I get all teary, yeah, part of it is the "where did my BABY go?" emotions. Part of it is not believing he is this big. But the biggest part? Joy. Joy that he can go to a mainstream classroom. Joy that he is ready for this. Joy that he has so many people who love him.

So, yeah, I'm probably going to cry all over my friends tomorrow... but they will be happy tears.

Who am I and what have I done with me?

I think I've mentioned before that I'm not a risk taker. I prefer my feet on the ground. I like things safe and predictable. I'm lazy and I don't do "hard." I don't put myself out there and I don't trust people easily. Oh, and you want to get together and talk about feelings and get all lovey-dovey? I don't do feelings... unless you are my therapist. Then, I do feelings but only because I'm paying you.

I'm not sure what the heck has happened to me but this has been the summer of risk taking. I finished my first novel, the first one I have finished in fifteen years, and sent it out to beta readers and an editor. Okay, yeah, she's a friend but she's a real, live editor and I am paying her real, live dead presidents to give me feedback. People. I do not do feedback for fear of rejection and people laughing at what I have written! I had enough of that growing up and I don't like it... but I've done it. (Granted, we're all adults and they won't laugh... but it's hard to remember that sometimes.)

I "networked" (the formal term- it's more likely that I made myself a pain in someone's behind) at church and with a local swim team. I went up to people and sold my skills, both as a catechist and as a swim teacher. The latter was a "cold e-mail" where I called a team about my daughter and ended up e-mailing them later that night, asking them to keep me in mind if a position was to open up. A position did and I interviewed for it on Friday before we left town. The result? I was offered a job coaching part of a (really, really big and well known) swim team. It's just a few hours now but the potential to move up is there. To work with this team, to perhaps coach some of their swimmers and learn under the coaches who send kids to the nationals and Olympic trials? I'd be stupid not to try!

We juuuuust got back from the Annual Trek Up North and took the kids to a kiddie amusement park. This year, three of the four are old enough to ride most of the rides and I encouraged them to try ones they may not like. George went down a water slide at the hotel. Joe went down the two story water slide at the park. Cami and I did the giant spinning swings. (My thoughts during the ride? "Trying new stuff is OVERRATED!" I don't like heights!)

So, big changes around here, both within the family and myself. Part of me doesn't know what is going on with me but part of me realizes that trying and failing is better than not trying at all. Plus, I've already experienced lots of hard things in the past five years, so sending out my book or "cold networking" with people is no-thing compared to, like, the NICU or all of 2013. As my therapist said, "If you're going to go down, you might as well go down epically!"

Here's to being EPIC!

The Rain in Spain: Day Five

The first two days of Adam's business trip were okay. My in-laws took the older two for the weekend and the little boys and I were just hanging out, having fun. My mom arrived on day three (Monday) and, oh holy heck, thank goodness for Grams!

Mom arrived in time for dinner Monday night and we watched The Lightening Thief. She liked it but agreed that it is nothing like the book and is reason number three why Chris Columbus should not be near a children's book to movie adaption. (Reasons one and two? The Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets.) It was another late night for all of us.

On Tuesday, George was a grouch. This kid would have reduced Oscar the Grouch to tears. He would not cooperate at speech. He fought with kids at the pool because, "He splashed [friend]."

"[Friend] hasn't been to the pool in weeks!"

"I know! But HE SPLASHED MY FRIEND!"

"George, how long do you plan to hold a grudge?" asked Grams.

"I hold grudge for twenty years!"

Okay then.

We thought George and Cole would crash and burn early that night. When we got home, Mom took the younger two up for a bath and the older two cleaned out the trash cans for me. I got dinner made. I swear, that was the fastest and easiest evening chores had EVER gotten done!

Mom took the older two kids to TKD and I tried to get the younger boys to bed. The word here is tried. For a four and five year old who had been up until ten for three nights, they sure didn't act tired. They flopped around. They whined. They complained. They used the potty three times in 45 minutes. Cole finally fell asleep at 8:30... and George began screaming.

When he was toddler, he was the worst child in the world to get to sleep*. We had to walk him in the stroller (screaming), drive him in the car (screaming)... you get the idea. Now, we can cuddle him in our bed and he sleeps until the morning. (We move him to his own bed.) But last night? Oh no. If you had walked by our house you would have thought we were beating him with a cattle prod, pulling out his teeth AND beheading his beloved stuffed peguin. We were doing nothing like that, of course; we were simply trying to get him to sleep. But no! He needed to pee, he needed a snack, he hated me, he hated Grams... and then he locked himself in the bathroom.

About that time, Mom took over and I went downstairs to eat the ice cream she brought home. It was either that or pull out my toenails with a butter knife. That would have been more pleasurable! Joseph and Camille weren't asleep either, due to the screaming, so I banished them to their rooms because whining, "He's too loud and I can't sleep!" were so, so helpful. Or not.

Around ten thirty (yes, 10:30 pm... and all this fun had been going on since 7:30!) everything was quiet. I went up to his room... and found Mom sitting on the floor, reading on her tablet and George at the foot of his bed, glaring at his door. Mom gave me a thumbs down and George grouched at me. By now, he was in love with me again and wanted to cuddle with me in my bed. I wanted to go to sleep (or drink) so I said yes.

He was asleep within fifteen minutes.

Mom and I weren't sure what got into this kid. His head was practically spinning and I was ready to break out the Holy Water. I vowed to get to Whole Foods and get some melatonin for him for the next night, come hell or high water or screaming five year olds.

Yet today he was oddly... pleasant. He behaved at Joe's appointment, ate a decent lunch at Panera, put up with a trip to Pottery Barn Kids and went to the splash pad... where he swam, by himself, without a life jacket or noodle!

Let's say this again: My kid, with anxiety and a motor planning disorder who would only enter the pool last year with a noodle and life jacket, SWAM BY HIMSELF!!!!! I MUST ABUSE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!

I've been working with him on and off this summer. He had just begun swimming a little on his own, without a flotation device. He would got a few feet and then panic and put his feet down. I told Adam that if he would stop freaking out and would put his chin down, he would be able to swim the short way of our pool.

At the splash pad, Cole was "alligator swimming" around the shallow end, lifting his arms to paddle a few feet before stopping. He was also jumping in alone! Not to be outdone, George took off his life jacket and tried to "alligator swim." Mom helped him kick properly and get his bottom up in the air. And he took off!

I mean, OFF!!!! We were there two hours and by the end of the afternoon, he had mastered the lilly pads (you walk across floating "pads" holding onto ropes above your head) and was swimming all over the pool. He would push off the bottom of the pool and paddle around. He had the biggest smile on his face and was so confident and happy!

Mom and I wondered if he needed to have a snit fit last night to have the huge developmental leap today. Being able to swim independently is a huge motor mild stone and one he has been working at all summer.It makes sense; babies often have trouble sleeping before a developmental leap. That said, we could have done without the three hours of screaming, thanks.

To celebrate (and because we wanted too!) we made s'more tonight. We scarfed half a bag of marshmallows and two bars of chocolate. Hey, there are six of us!

Thanks to that huge developmental leap, a big dinner, two hours swimming and four late nights (and, yeah, melatonin), George was asleep by eight-thirty. The older two went to bed at nine and Cole was out by eight. It's not even ten pm now and Mom and I are both in bed, reading or writing, and exhausted! Tomorrow brings another busy day and, hopefully, peace and quiet!

*Thank you, CAS. Everything I've read said that kids with CAS are hard to get to sleep and, basically, the tips to help them sleep amount to "good luck with that."

The Rain in Spain...

Okay, there's actually no rain and five of the six of us are not in Spain. But... I ache and am bone tired so the fact that I can come up with a title is... a miracle.

Let me back the rain-train up. When I said "five of the six of us are not in Spain" what I mean is "Adam got sent on a business trip to Spain and none of us fit in his suitcases and I think his pictures are mocking us." Pictures like this:

This is the view from his hotel room. I love the man deeply but I currently hate him.

Backing way up to two weeks ago, Adam called me from work at nine in the morning. I answered the phone with, "Uh-oh."

"Why uh-oh?" he asked.

"Because a phone call from you in the morning means you either left something at home or you have bad news!"

I won't say it was bad news, because someone ill or dying is bad news. But the co-worker who was supposed to head to Spain en-route home from his job in Asia has... a toothache.

You bet I cursed like a sailor when I heard that. I mean, a dang TOOTHACHE. People. I gave birth and WALKED OUT OF THE HOSPITAL ten hours later. And he has to come home for a toothache?!

Adam clarified that it is more than a toothache; it's a "fly straight home, do not pass go, head straight to the oral surgeon and here's some antibiotics until then" type toothache. I had a little more sympathy for the guy but not much.

Thankfully, Adam called my mother to make sure she could come to visit while he was gone. She can AND his parents helped out! The last time Adam had to go away for over a week, it was an epic mess around here. Coupled with summer break, no camps, Therapy Week and so on, I was sure this would be worse but it shouldn't be, not with help.

Adam left early Saturday morning and I did the whole pick up and drop off from cello club and AG "camp." Then Grandma and Grandpa took the older ones. It was supposed to be from 2 Saturday until 2 Sunday but they got in at five! They had a great time with their grandparents.

I had the little boys and we went to Mass, where the only Commandment I didn't break was "thou shalt not murder." We left alive but barely. I was ready to strangle the boys. They KNOW how to behave at Mass and normally sit in the pew with their penguins and read the missal. Yesterday they ran around the cry room and were so loud. I did the "Receive and leave" thing before bolting. I took them home where we watched the cartoons the older kids don't like and had snacks for dinner. They went to bed late but that was the whole point of going to Saturday Mass- we could sleep in the next morning!

I was glad we could sleep in because I stayed up late watching The Book Thief. It was really good and followed the book pretty closely. I'm always amazed when a movie is nearly as good as the book. I think I can count on one hand when that happens!

Today I was super busy: mopped the kitchen floor, deep cleaned Camille's bedroom for when Mom comes, dusted my room, trimmed the bushes, watered the trees, swept the garage, cleaned off the back deck, trimmed back the mint plant that was about to overtake the deck, put on the sprinkler and painted the play set. Oh, and Higgins escaped two times because he is too small for his collar but I refused to go after him. If he's dumb enough to run away...

Tonight a friend I hadn't seen in ages stopped by. We ended up chatting for hours and the end result is a very crabby five year old who has been up two late nights in a row. Tomorrow will bring house cleaning and a much needed pool day!

Quick Takes Friday: Harry, Hunger, FanGirl moments and, oh yeah, the kids

1. Seriously. Huge Hunger Games fan here. I adore the whole thing. I was so late to the party but I am totally into it now and cannot wait for Mockingjay: Part One to be released the day after George's birthday! (I love you kid but I am going to be in line the moment that theater opens.) I especially love how they are promoting the movie. The propaganda is so in line with the books! I am so picky about my book-to-movie adaptions and these have been really, really well done. Better than the first Harry Potter movies and defiantly better than Percy Jackson. (Please, Hollywood, never ever let Chris Columbus near a children's book to movie script. Please.)

photo credit: here

Click here to see what President Snow has to say about Unity.

2. Speaking of THG and HP, how did the internet not blow up with sheer awesomeness when this happened?

3. Is it wrong that I am re-considering a bob based off J-Law's (oh, yeah, I went there) haircut? I had one before and grew it out. Maybe it is time to reconsider that again.

4. Memo to self: You are a 35 year old, overweight housewife and mother of four who lives in the midwest. Stop trying to be cool.

5. Okay, adorable things my kids have said:

Cole: I hungee!
Me: What do you want to eat?
Cole: ummm (thinks hard) Food!

***
George: Cole, haven't you been wanting to swim underwater YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!

***
Me, sitting at the head of the table: I feel like the lady and mistress of the table! I am in charge!
Joe: And that's why the table at blahblahblah peace talks was round!

And, no, it wasn't a King Arthur or Knights of the Round table reference.

6. Okay, fangirl moment again: You can read JK Rowling's new short story about the Harry Potter characters here. I admit that I loved it. Harry is supposed to be my age, so it was cool to see an update on "Dad-Harry" not "Boy-Wizard-Harry."

7. Bombshell moment: I went way out of my comfort zone and offered myself as tribute, I mean for consideration for a potential coaching position. Long story, weird story but there we go. Maybe this year will be the one where I go all ballsy into life?

You know the drill: Go to Conversion Diary and have your own fandom moments with Jen!