Bathe yourself

I promise, promise I am getting to the post about the book launch and a giveaway. Promise!

This summer has been all about growing up. My oldest spent 3 weeks with his grandparents, My daughter is wondering about all the things and suddenly is interested in good smelling bath products and bathing. The little boys... well, I think I have to force them to grow up.

It's not that I want to rush my kids into being teens or adults. But my little boys were little for so long and in so many ways. I mean, they didn't talk on time. One took longer to potty train. Cole is smaller than alot of kids his age and, frankly, they are my two youngest kids, only 16 months apart. Yeah, of course they tend to get a little more babied than the other two, who had a sibling on the way to "force" them to do "big kid" things.

They had a couple bad habits, enabled by their exhausted parents who just wanted to sleep, damn it, and were/are tired of arguing with the older kids. We didn't have the energy to argue over who sleeps where- just fall asleep in our bed already!

But we're done. They're too big and too heavy to easily move from our bed. As I type this, I am sitting in their room as they fall asleep, a big improvement from both boys laying on me in the master bed to go to sleep.

And bathing. Oh, the baths. I mean, yeah, HUGE improvement over when George wouldn't even sit down in the tub. But baths are still a 30 minute ordeal with lots of water splashing and then clean up. At five and six, I figured it was time they learned to shower on their own.

As you can imagine, they were not impressed. I began the night by saying, "Tonight you boys are going to take a shower! Yay!"

They looked at me like I had suggested nuking kittens. "I HATE SHOWERS!!!" they wailed.

I got excited, hoping they wouldn't see through my lies. "You LOVE showers," I proclaimed.

"I HATE SHOWERS!!" they screamed and ran away. I finally flushed George out from behind a door and carried him into the bathroom, stripping off his bathing suit as I went. He whimpered. I dumped him in the shower and turned it on.

He whined.

I washed his hair and handed him a bar of soap and a washcloth. "Scrub," I instructed and pulled the curtain closed.

Silence. No wailing. And then... laughter. "This is so much fun!" he crowed, scrubbing himself clean. I sighed.

And repeated the whole thing with Cole, right down to dumping him into the shower and having him love it two seconds later.

Fifteen minutes after dumping George into the shower, both boys were running down the hall, screeching, "I love showers!" to my husband.

Weird kids. And I give up.

Best Laid Schemes

But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane,

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

          Gang aft agley,

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

          For promis’d joy!

(from "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns) 

This year, I had plans for summer. I was no longer going to put our summer on hold because we "might" travel. I wasn't going to sit around and look at everyone else's pictures of the beach,  mountains and cruises while I was at home, hitting up the neighborhood pool for the millionith time. I wasn't going to be "cruise director" and do ALL THE THINGS for the kids. Nope! Camps were to be had! Swim team needed to be coached and swum! Robotics! The LEGO exhibit at the gardens! A mother's helper to help while I worked! Imma gonna take back summer and have fun, even if my husband is allergic to traveling!

Well. Best laid schemes and all.

I've been working for a swim team that takes place year 'round (henceforth known as the Year Round Team, YRT) since September. I love it and enjoy what I am doing.  This team reminds me why I love swimming and working with the kids. It's just a good situation and a team I would happily put my kids on.

Because swimming can be seasonal and, in the past, my employment has been based off numbers, I am always slightly unsure if I will have a job in the next season. It's just the nature of the beast and has nothing to do with me as a coach. Yet most swim coaches know that if you want to pack in the hours and dollars, you can work for a summer league team. Thanks to my awesome networking skillz, I heard about a possible position with a summer league (SL) team. Long story short, I was offered the job and accepted.

I knew the head coach had a reputation for being... not what I am used to... but I figured I could work with it. I can generally work with anyone. Plus, sometimes people get a bad rap just because of one thing or because their style doesn't work for everyone. I met the head coach, HC, a couple times and could see why her personality was polarizing; you either loved or hated her. Still, it didn't bother me too much and I figured we could work together. Even though I got looks of pity from the other YRT coaches, I figured I could suck anything up for seven weeks.

I couldn't.

It came down to a few things: a) don't belittle me in front of parents and swimmers; b) I will not teach strokes incorrectly and c) don't yell and belittle the swimmers.

The parents were awesome. The place where the SL team is held is very multi-cultural and I loved getting to know people from all walks of life. The guards were great- sweet, funny and professional. I enjoyed the other coaches. It was just the HC who ruined it for me.

I mostly feel horrible. Lots and lots of people I trust- my parents, my sister, my husband and the YRT coaches- have told me it is not worth staying in a toxic situation.Not even for the money- and oh the pay was good! We could use the money but, as my mother-in-law said, most people can always use more money. Based on the events that came to a head, and pushed me over the edge into quitting, I know I pissed off the director and assistant director. I like both of them and am upset that I angered them.

And the money. Sigh. It would have gone a long way towards paying for speech. I was going to treat myself to LUSH products and spoil the kids with a trip to a water park this summer. Between the two teams, I was working 20 hours a week and the house was a mess but I would  have enough money for a housekeeper when Adam has his surgery. Oh, and we could sock it away for emergencies. Not that we can't live off just Adam's salary- we can and do. It's just... extra is nice. (Vacation anyone?)

In spite of feeling horrible, I'm trying to look on the bright side. Do you know how bad I smelled after coaching on a steamy deck? I think my tweens smelled better! (Hence the need for Lush products!) I can spend more time with the kids (yay!) and keep the house cleaner (yay). We can still hit up a local pool and the splash pad, although the water park is out. Since I won't be on a pool deck every two hours multiple times a week, we should be able to go to a late afternoon movie. Oh, and it looks like I will be with the YRT in the fall! That has me the most excited!

While the kids are at VBS this week I am taking back my summer. I have open days now and we're going to do allll the things I had planned on cramming into my days off. My best laid schemes went awry but you know what? I'm not going to let my FORMER head coach destroy the summer for us,

Well, now you have me mad

Just Tuesday, I was waiting for the speech therapist to arrive when I noticed dog poop on my capris. (Long, not glamorous story about the dog being locked in a closet.) I grumbled about it a bit and the therapist laughed and said, "You are so calm about everything!"

Haha. I am so not calm about everything. Like right now. Right now, I am PISSED.

You see, a kid has a rash. It is a common rash at the tail-end of an even more common virus. A couple nurse-friends looked at him and said, "Meh, it's the rash at the end of a virus.He's not contagious. Don't waste your time at urgent care." I didn't. I told the teacher what it was, kid felt fine, so he trotted off to school.

I got a call saying he needed to come home because the rash was spreading. He came home. Rash looked better today. I sent him back to school.

All four kids were in school at the same time today because of a field trip. Adam and I jumped on the chance to see each other before 9 pm and were out the door to breakfast when the call came. Kid still has a rash and since a physician didn't confirm that he is not a germ infested cess pool, kid MUST LEAVE SCHOOL.

Oh, hell no.

No.

My kid wants to be in school and you want to send him home for no reason? Not gonna fly. You want an MD to confirm what 3 nurses told us- it's nothing, don't worry? Good, you can pay the 75 dollar co-pay at urgent care. What? You have no sympathy that 75 dollars is not a drop in the bucket for us? And then...

"I'm sorry that you don't care about the health and well being of your child or the others in the school."

Excuse me? Excuse ME? EXCUSE ME?! Oh no YOU DID NOT. I just sat there, stunned. One does not play the "you don't care about their health" card. Nope. Nope. I have a therapist, medication and a diagnosis that would say otherwise. In fact, I've spent the past six years working to NOT freak out over every cold and cough.

Me, who will Google what whopping cough or the croup sounds like when a kid has a super-nasty cough.

Me, who has been known to count respiration and look for retractions.

Me, who has done CPR on her own kid.

Me, who has scrubbed up to her arm pits to end the NICU and used so much hand sanitizer in nursing homes that the staff looks at me weird.

I'm going to remember how much I don't care when I pop my anti-anxiety and anti-depressants. When I go to my therapist, when I have my sister and friends talk me down off the ledge and remind me that my kids are really healthy and fine.

The kicker? I just defended this person as a professional to someone else this weekend!

Oh, and the double kicker? Another kid had a low grade fever and was pulling on his ear. They couldn't reach me so they sent the kid back to class! What happened to calling emergency contacts?! Forgive me if I don't take the ZOMGOSH RASH! seriously.

Wonderment of a good job

My drop off in blogging is a direct result of my new-ish job coaching swimming. I work evenings now. It's not for every long, about 3 hours an evening, but by the time I get home, I am so brain dead. I just want to, and often do, curl up in bed and go to sleep. I'm so thankful I am home during the day to take care of the kids and the house because otherwise nothing would get done!

I adore my job. It's not perfect- nothing is- but I like the coaches, the kids and the parents. I have fun and I learn alot from everyone. But, even though I am so happy doing what I love, I have been having horrible anxiety-driven dreams. It took me several weeks to figure out why- I'm happy! Life's good! Sure, there are still challenges at home and stuff but why am I having anxiety over my job??

Then it hit me- I have hardly ever been in a good work situation. My first teaching job was a disaster. I was totally set up to fail. When I coached another team six years ago, I had a great director, until she left for another position. The new director was the one who fired me because I had a baby. In both positions, I would be told to change something, or do something different, and I would. But it was never good enough, it was never right. Maybe I'm older, wiser or my give a damn is still off because when the head coach tells me to do something or whatever, I don't feel like she's trying to make me fail. Or maybe they just like me and want to help me.

It's weird being in a spot where I feel people like me. For me, it's not normal to think of the long term possibilities in a job. So I don't, really, I don't dare to hope that I will be there in the fall or winter. I mean, I want to! How I WANT to be with this team, these coaches, long term! I would be crushed to lose my job. And hope... well, I try not to think that every time I am positive about something, I lose it. I can't. I won't walk around bitter, thinking, "well, I loved my last coaching position and look what happened!"

Instead, I tend to think in the here and now. Through the summer, I have this great job that I love. I will always have wonderful memories of being on deck. I working my hardest, correcting my mistakes and learning. I'm trying not to overthink everything I say or do. It's hard, given my past and the feeling that every time something good happens, the other shoe will drop.

Because, really, that's not a fun way to live.

Guest Post: SCHISM book release!

Guest Post: Masks - A portrait of Lea Huckley

Thank you for hosting me on your blog today. I’m very excited about SCHISM being released into the world, and I’d like to talk a little about one of the main characters, Lea Huckley. Though Lea is introduced as a secondary character, she’s a co-protagonist alongside Gabe. As the story progresses, she becomes more and more important.

Lea is exceptionally fun to write. She’s driven, overtly “Type A,” and quite analytical. She’s also got her own host of issues. Because her parents were falsely incarcerated in a mental institution from the time she turned eight, Lea struggles with others’ perceptions of her. She wears a “mask” over her emotions and acts how she wants other people to see her.

Essentially, Lea pretends to be eccentric and a little crazy, so if people say she’s crazy, they do so because she made them. Otherwise, they’d judge her for where her parents are, and she can separate their predicament from her own identity. Wearing this mask takes its toll, and she begins to lose sight of her real emotions. She doesn’t allow herself to feel freely. Worse than that, it blunts her ability to connect with people as well. Since she’s constantly creating a false representation, she assumes everyone else is free to do the same. How can you possibly know what someone else is feeling or thinking? She’s a terrible judge of what’s going on in someone’s head. She’d much rather be solving a concrete problem, something she can test or experiment.

Through the story, Lea obviously deals with these issues and becomes more of her true self. She opens up and allows herself to be vulnerable. Gabe certainly plays a major role in her transformation. I hope everyone enjoys reading about her as much as I had fun writing her. You can find me on the internet in the following places:

Author page: www.lauramaisano.blogspot.com

Twitter: @MaisanoLaura

Facebook: www.facebook.com/LauraMaisanoWriter

Google + http://plus.google.com/+LauraMaisano

SCHISM (Illirin Book One)

By Laura Maisano

Art therapy hasn’t done squat for Gabe Jones. A thousand sketches of his fiancée can’t bring his memory, or her, back to him. Nothing on Earth can. His past lies in another dimension, a world just out of sight.

Another student on campus, Lea Huckley, unknowingly shares Gabe’s obsession with the fourth dimension. The monsters from the other side attacked her parents and fled, getting her folks locked up in the loony bin. Proving this other world exists is the only way to free them. Lea and Gabe strike a deal to help each other, and together they manage to open a door to the world of Gabe’s true origin. She’d use him for proof—if she didn’t already care too much.

While Gabe tries to reconcile his feelings for Lea and his rediscovered memories of his fiancée, a much more sinister plot unravels. He uncovers his history just in time to become the unwilling lynchpin in a conspiracy to start a war. His memory holds the secret to the final riddle the would-be conqueror needs to get the upper hand. Gabe must protect the riddle at all costs, even if that means leaving Earth, and Lea, behind forever.

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Excerpt

Lea packed light. Other than her phone’s GPS and a flashlight, she kept a small notepad, her lucky pencil, and the thermometer in her cargo pocket. She didn’t need to find data, now she needed proof.

She led the way down the alley where skyscrapers blocked the glowing moon and the lamps from the highway. Yellowed fixtures above each back entrance threw faint cones of light onto the cement, like holes in Swiss cheese.

Lea checked the coordinates on her phone while she walked, and the little red arrow crept closer to the flag icon she placed to mark the interaction point.

Gabe spent his time surveying the area for anything that might be a danger. He kept fidgeting behind her and turning around every few seconds, a twitchy meerkat on patrol.

“We’re only between buildings. It’s not the end of the world.” Lea checked her phone again to make sure they were headed in the right direction.

He glanced over his shoulder. “I still don’t like it. It’s night, people do get mugged, you know.”

“The statistics of that are so low. We’re really not in any danger, considering the population and how many times that sorta thing happens.”

He shifted uneasily behind her. “Whatever, we’re raising the chances by being out here at night.”

Lea rolled her eyes. “I’m not missing this opportunity.”

“I know that. Neither am I.”

“Good.”

They came to a cross section behind two major offices where the loading docks and dumpsters sat for both of them. A stream of water trickled down the concave cement into the large sewer grate. Old garbage left a fume hanging around, and the humidity only made it worse.

Lea double- and triple-checked her coordinates, cross-checking with her notes. “This is it. Within I’d say, a fifteen foot diameter, low to the ground.” She shoved the phone in her cargo pocket. “Perfect.”

“How long?”

“Roughly ten minutes.”

Ten minutes may as well have been six hours. She paced back and forth, her sneakers scuffing the gritty pavement.

Gabe continued to keep a watchful eye out for muggers or vagrants. What a dork.

She snickered quietly. For someone who didn’t know his own experiences, he sure seemed paranoid. She watched him standing straight, darting his eyes to the entrance and even up to the windows above them. Watch out bad guys, Gabe’s on to you. She smiled and turned to see what looked like heat waves rising from the cold cement. Crap. The interaction had already started.

“Gabe…” She waved him over next to the loading dock.

This interaction provided no shining lights or obvious movement. Not much stood out visually, except maybe the air glistening like summer heat waves if she squinted hard enough, but her digital thermometer found the coldest point.

“Here,” she whispered, not wanting anyone or anything on the other side to hear. She stretched her arms forward, and Gabe did likewise.

“On the count of three.” She waited for him to nod. “One…two…three.”

They both reached through the interaction point and grabbed at the thicker air. Nothing. They tried again, pulling, grasping, and making any sort of motion to trigger a rip. Finally, Gabe leaned in and pulled out at just the right angle, because the light tore across like a jagged line. Lea grabbed the edge of it and tugged, opening the tear wider until they both fell through.

About the Author

Laura has an MA in Technical writing and is a Senior Editor at Anaiah Press for their YA/NA Christian Fiction. She’s excited to release her debut YA Urban Fantasy SCHISM, and she’s finishing up the sequel UNITY.

Her gamer husband and amazing daughter give support and inspiration every day. Their cats, Talyn and Moya, provide entertainment through living room battles and phantom-dust-mote hunting. Somehow, they all manage to survive living in Texas where it is hotter than any human being should have to endure. Check out her blog at LauraMaisano.blogspot.com.

Website: http://www.LauraMaisano.Blogspot.com

Twitter: @MaisanoLaura

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LauraMaisanoWriter

Google + https://plus.google.com/+LauraMaisano

I refuse to get my hopes up

My husband has two siblings, both of whom are in the entertainment business. His younger sister works as a new producer out in CA and his brother waits tables and works in musical theater. (He also has his own web show, Vash and Justin, where he and a friend review movies.) Over the years, his brother has worked for Disney, both in the theme parks and on the cruise line.

When George was an infant, my brother-in-law had a fairly decent stint on a Disney cruise ship. As such, he received discounts that he could pass onto friends and family. My sister-in-law and my in-laws took advantage of these discounts and were able to go on the cruises.

This was 2009, so Joe was about five, Camille three and George was a baby. We had just had a NICU baby and gone through a six month long house selling and buying process. Needless to say, I was stressed beyond belief. I had very little help with anything, from a baby who couldn't go out in crowds to keeping the house perfect for prospective buyers to  keeping the children entertained when we had to leave at a moments notice. My husband was always harping on how expensive the move was or was going to be. Many days, I drove around crying as my baby screamed in the back seat as I had no where to go, no money to take them to a play area, it was often snowing and I was exhausted.

When we moved, things finally calmed down and I told my husband I really, really, REALLY needed a vacation that did NOT involve going to see his grandparents. I adore them but the kids were young and active and it was hard to keep them contained. I just needed to get away, to relax, somewhere, anywhere. BIL encouraged me to look into the discounts he received on the ship and I did. Together, we got the cost down very low and I even worked out a travel plan that would make getting to the site cheap.

My husband said no.

In the end, it was fine because we would have been there in October, when I would have been three months pregnant. For me, I was sure morning sickness and a giant ship wouldn't mix.

I sound like I handled it well but I didn't. I still don't. I was pissed. I needed a break. In the years that followed, I needed a break too but never got one. In fact, it hasn't been until I began coaching again that I feel like I've gotten a bit of a break. How ironic or sad is it that WORK is my break from STRESS?

(I love what I do, though, so don't feel too bad on that account.)

I used to make excuses to everyone, myself included if I am honest, as to why we didn't do anything other than go visit his grandparents. I used to make excuses as to why the "trip" he wanted to take was a week long but a family reunion for me was three days, most of it driving. This past year, I decided to be done with excuses. I no longer kept our summer open in the hopes that we might visit my parents or people might visit us. On the advice of one of our kids' therapists, I enrolled them in camps and fun things to do. It was probably the happiest summer I have had as a parent.

This year, I've been asked how my summer vacation schedule works with coaching. My response was, "I'll take all the hours you can give me!" I've started putting the kids in camps and swim team. My boys are doing baseball. If I can't have the family vacation I dream of, we might as well have fun at home. And when people ask me why we don't travel, I don't give them the half truths of "we can't afford it" or "we're busy." I give them a snarky version of the truth: My husband is allergic to vacations or traveling.

It's the truth because what is holding us- him- back isn't our children's ages or money or anything. He refuses to save for a trip. He says I only want to take them to Disney (not true) and he hates Disney (true). He says it is too expensive and makes up the amount of money it will cost in his head. No amount of logic or anything will convince him that no, family trips can be done for much cheaper.

The other week we used a free night in a hotel for a mini-staycation for his birthday. His brother called him to say hello and told my husband that he, BIL, had auditioned for another job on a Disney cruise ship. We are, of course, happy and hopeful that he is offered the job.

He said, "I get discounts, you know. You should bring the kids."

I snorted. "I know. Trust me, I know. It's not me you have to convince. Talk to your brother. He does not vacation."

My husband talked to his brother and, after they hung up, he said, "We should do that."

I choked. "Whatever."

"It only costs XYZ dollars."

I pointed out that it cost that much five years ago and he refused to go then. I reminded him that it would a Disney cruise and he hates Disney. There would be small children there, etc. He finally said, "Unless something else comes up, we should save for it."

I've heard this before. Something always comes up. Someone always needs therapy or new shoes or the house needs to be repaired. (Currently, it needs to be washed and painted.) He'll find an excuse to not take the kids out of school, even if they only miss a day or two, even if it will only get harder to take them out in the coming years.

I am actually refusing to discuss this with him. (To be fair, I also won't discuss our annual trip to visit his grandparents since he is not entertaining the idea of me going to a wedding.) Why? I know it won't happen. I'm toying with the idea of taking the kids to visit some friends. While I don't relish the idea of taking them alone and I really, really want a vacation with just the six of us, this is the hand I've have to deal with. I want to experience things with my kids and I'll have to do it on my own, while my husband stays behind.

And hey, if I have to stay in the midwest and be envious of other peoples vacation pictures, I might as well do it while I'm hanging out on a deck, working.

Screaming into the void

Adam has a friend who has several children. One of them, his son who is about ten, died last night.

It wasn't unexpected but it still sucks. It's horrible. My heart goes out to the family.

And, selfishly, as I was driving the kids to school and trying not to cry, I was screaming in my head, "I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't do another funeral. I just can't." I had flashes of the last time I saw my niece, I felt her in my arms. I wanted to kick something, to throw something, to scream that this- child loss, knowing people whose children have died- needs to stop. I just can't.

The thing is, I will. I will go to the funeral, I will buy the card, I will hug the parents. I will suck it up and deal because whatever trauma and flash backs and stuff I have to deal with, it's nothing compared to the parents.

I will remind myself that these children, our friend's son and my niece, are so very lucky. Their lives were too short but they were filled with love and peace. To die peacefully surrounded by the ones you love and who love you is a gift. To feel only love your entire life... that's not something everyone can know. A short life, in the womb or out, is still a blessed life.

Yet I want to scream into the void, "Why?!" Why these children, why these parents? No one deserves this.

But maybe it's good that no one deserves this because what would we be like if we did?

2014: The Year in Review

Wow, this year has gone by fast. At the beginning of the year, I decided that I wanted our theme this year to be peace, hope and healing. I think I did get my wish! We had a fairly peaceful, quiet year. I feel a bit more healed after the mess that was 2013. As for hope... depends on the day, honestly, but yes, I am seeing more hope for the children in certain areas.

I finished my book, began cross-stitching again, made more crochet hats for the NICU and discovered my love for reading. As of the last count, I have read 39 books this year! I think I've read more than that but I know I forgot to record some.

And now, the highlights

January

Camille turned 8! I gave everyone a Goo-Be-Gone recipe and Cole began saying some of the most hilarious things! No, he hasn't stopped either!

February

Camille has a Snow-Much-Fun! party early in the month. My old laptop died an EPIC BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. The kids had school conferences and I blogged about how I hate some people. 

March

Adam had a birthday and Camille informed us that life is half over when you turn 40. At 35, neither of us were amused. I discovered The Hunger Games. We had more meetings at school, more "games plans" for our children and God and I were not BFFs. Hey, we were on speaking terms but eh.... I realized I was living in a Good Friday and hoping for Easter Sunday. After all, Every IEP is a Little Lent. 

April

Cole turned four. Joe turned ten. Easter and our 12 year anniversary. Our community was hit with two tragedies but love won in the end. I also learned that our parish is going to be getting the CGS program and we received a sign via a lady bug that everything will be okay. 

May

Camille's first Communion and the March for Babies! We marched with my parents and sister's family and it was so much fun!

June

VBS went much better than I ever thought it could. George and Cole played t-ball and George was on FIRE. My sister had a healthy baby and Camille and I began taking Communion to people in nursing homes.

July

Our Annual Trip Up North. Adam went to Spain for a week and I Did All The Things around the house. George learned to swim on his own!

August

School began, I had a birthday and did not burst into a hysterical sobbing mess when George began kindergarten

September

The Royals kept winning and I was a baseball widow. I found a grey hair and began looking into hair dye in bulk. I also began coaching swimming again, yay!

October

Mooooore baseball and Halloween. And, oh, blue fever. Baseball. So done with baseball.

November

NICU Thanksgiving, George turned six and grew about a foot!

December

Crazy-ness and fun. Adam and I will be seeing all our siblings over break and we are both excited!

It seems like nothing much happened and, in some ways, I'm okay with that. 2013 was so nuts that I needed this year of peace, hope and healing. I wanted the peace and hope and healing to go on into 2015 but I hope to add some good excitement into the mix. Maybe I'll find a summer coaching position! Or we'll go on vacation! Something fun, filled with family bonding. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Mundane Family Stuff

As if life with the Herd could ever be boring! (Could it be? Please? Just one year?)

George has his piano recital Saturday. I actually ironed his dress shirt, forced him into a sweater and scrubbed him until he shown. He looked so handsome! I was afraid he would refuse at the last minute or would make it to the stage and not do anything- but he didn't! He did great! Of course, the kids in his class are 6 to 8 years old, so it was about what you would expect for beginning students. George kept looking for us in the crowd and I finally stood to the side with the other picture-taking parents so he would see me and play. He did; he tried very hard but the "drums playing without a drummer" confused him. Still! He got up there, played and did an excellent job!

The other day, I heard "Mary had a little lamb" coming from the playroom. I walked in and CAMILLE was playing it! She taught herself some beginning piano from George's book! I am so impressed!

Joe's recital is Saturday and I've been hearing the cello more frequently now. He's beginning to out grow his half size cello and will need a 3/4ths one soon. Adam's already begun looking for one. We're going to keep the half-size, though, since George has shown an interest in it. We joke that he can't begin until he grows into it!

We took the kids to the zoo on Sunday. Santa was diving with the penguins and we knew the kids would like that. They did, although it was a creepy Santa with all his scuba gear on. I mean, really creepy. You could have your picture taken with Santa and the penguins. I thought it would be Santa in front of the tank but no, he was in the water, in front of the glass! Creepy, creepy.

It was warm and lots of animals were out. Since there was a football game going on, it wasn't crowded and the zoo keepers were able to talk to us. We learned that there will be baby penguins before the new year, which elephant is the "alpha female," how elephants talk, that all the penguins have names and more. Even the lions were out and we heard them roar! It was pretty cool!

The not cool part? The bird show, where my family chose to sit next to one of the perches so the damn birds were flying over us. Oh, then as we walked by the elephant enclosure, one of them was flinging dirt at people. Yeah, I almost got elephant dirt flung on me. Cute. Not.

The last day of school is Friday, so I'm making a list of all the fun things we can do over break. We've hit the zoo and I think the little boys want to go to the children's museum. Add a bounce house or two and a trip to visit my parents and we will have a busy break!

2015: The Year of....

The past few years seem to be marked my a general upheaval in life, either externally, like a new baby or a move, or internally. (Emotional turmoil for the win!)

2013: The Year I Did or Experienced All the Hard Things
2014: The Year I Rediscovered All The Things I Love

I want 2015 to be the year I get my body back. I want to finally, this fall when Cole is in K in the mornings, to go to the gym. Get rid of the 40 extra pounds. I'd like to feel good about my body again. I NEED to do but I've made promises like this before. Can I? I'll let you know in a year.

Mockingjay, Part 1

This post contains spoilers about the movie Mockingjay. However, if you've read the book... very little will be a surprise.

Whoa. I went to see Mockingjay with two friends last night. We had an amazing moms night out. One of our local theaters has a "fork and screen" option where you can order food and watch the movie. My friends had gone to Fork and Screen before but I hadn't. I was totally cravings red meat and fried stuff, so I had a hamburger and fries. It was a little better than Applebee's quality but totally fun for a MNO and a movie the three of us wanted to see.

And. Whoa. Some amazing stuff:

1. Haymitch and Effie. They deviated from cannon here and had Effie take the part of Katniss' prep team. She was awesome and the banter between her and Haymitch was a much needed reprise from the very serious nature of the film. One of Effie's best lines? "You know what needs a revolution? That hair."
2. The Hanging Tree. Why this isn't in the official soundtrack that you can purchase, I don't know. Jennifer Lawerence says she can't sing and, true, she's not Taylor Swift or Lorde but she does have a pretty voice. In the books, Katniss' singing voice is a Big Deal but not so much in the movies. Still, the took The Hanging Tree and ran with it and the effect was so powerful. It's a motif that carries through the entire movie. Listen closely to the background music when Katniss and Finnick are talking during the bombing of D13. It's The Hanging Tree! (Random note: I've had this song stuck in my head for two days and I've been humming it around the house. My four year old likes the song!)
3. Gale. I feel like the movie rounded out Gale's character well. In the books, he comes across as a possessive jerk. I wanted to reach through the pages and smack him, telling him to leave Katniss the heck alone, the poor dear had been through enough and didn't need to pick a lover! In the movie, Gale is always in the background, seemingly protecting her. There's a brief scene when they return to D12 where they kiss but it seems like Gale knows her heart isn't into it. In fact, in the movie, it is Gale, not Boggs, who tells Katniss to be with Peeta when he wakes up. He seems to know Katniss loves Peeta in a romantic way and while it doesn't thrill him, he's resigned to it.
4. Peeta. Someone needs to give Josh Hutcherson an award for the last fifteen minutes of the film alone. We know he's a good actor but he blew me away with hijacked!Peeta. 
5. The rescue scene and stuff with Snow. Snow is completely revealed as someone who likes to eff with Katniss' mind. I mean, we knew that but to see the evil of this man...I also loved the rescue scene, which was different from the book. In the book, Katniss is out for most of it or hiding with Finnick. In the movie... well, watch it. It's good. Moving. Imposing. Powerful.
6. The ending. Again, give J-Hutch an award for this acting. I was basically correct as to where they cut it but they cut from Peeta in the hospital to a speech to Peeta and... THE FEELS, people. THE FEELS.

What I wish we had seen more of:

1. Coin as the evil mastermind she is. Okay, maybe evil is too strong... naw, evil. We learn more about her back story, which makes me wonder if she wants/hopes/is using Katniss to be a replacement for her family. And when that ends.... In the book, Katniss tolerates Coin for the sake of saving her friends and family but in the movie, it seems like Coin really likes Katniss and tries to help her. They're going to have to do some major stuff in movie 2 to make her killing Coin justifiable. 
2. Finnick. There is no "Finnick Odair in his underwear" scene, which is so funny in the book! That makes me sad! We don't learn much more about his character and his involvment in the Capitol. I guess we don't need to but new info would have been interesting. Annie is in the movie for about five seconds, total, and we mostly see her hair. Because of where they cut it, this is to be expected but I still wish we had seem more of them together. Maybe in movie 2?

I want to go see the movie a second time to pick up some stuff I missed (follow the link above. Dandelions!) I don't know if I will have time so I guess I just have to sit on pins and needles until the DVD comes out!

Things Fall Apart

And by "things" I mean me. My body.

I turned 35 last month. I love my birthday because, hello, CAKE and my mother always makes my favorite pie and it is ALL MINE and I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE. Oh, and presents, even if I do tend to buy them myself, give them to my husband saying, "Guess what you got me for my birthday!" and act surprised when I open them.

Did I say PIE?

A lot of my friends have issues with getting older but I'm mostly "meh" about the whole thing. I love an excuse to go out to eat and get presents so I still consider my birthday fun. Plus, it's gonna happen anyway so I might as well enjoy it, right?

(We'll ignore the fact that my sister pointed out I'm halfway to 70 and my dad commented on how old I am. I'm in the market for a new dad and sister; inquire via e-mail.)

So, anyway, birthday = yay! Until this month.

It began with (TMI) the longest cycle in four years. Being Catholic and using NFP, I keep track of the who, what, when and where of my cycle and this one was dragging on a week longer than normal. I was getting nervous, although my mother said this began happening to her around my age. What is this, peri-peri menopause? I'm not ready for this malarkey.

After that, I noticed my pants and skirts getting tighter. I haven't changed my dietary habits so I'm not sure what's up with that. I did take this as a hint to hit the treadmill more often, which I have been doing. Fall should be here soon and I'll be able to take walks more often.

The long cycles and weight gain I can deal with, grudgingly, but then! Today! I found a GREY HAIR in my bangs. Oh, HECK NO. I had one last year, in my eyebrows, and I just had that sucker waxed away. It didn't return so I chalked it up to stress and grief. But this one! in my bangs! I treat my hair so nice... pricey vegan shampoo! gentle scrubbings! no dye! And this is how it repays me?! Nope. No. Not happening.

This is war, people, all out hair war. I'm going in for a trim tomorrow and plan to ask my hairdresser if there are any more nasty little suckers in there. If there are, I will not be going grey with grace and dignity. Nope. Goin' down fighting over here, with a box of hair dye clutched in my grubbing paws.

I might be getting older, I might feel older but I'm not going to look older. Nope.

The benefits of a loosing team

My husband loves baseball and, I used to joke, is one of the few remaining fans of our local major league team. Me? It doesn't include water or people in Speedos, so I go once a year for the food. And because I love my husband... but, yeah, the food.

Our local team has had a rebuilding decade or two. Last year, they were just beginning to get good and this year, they have been REALLY REALLY good. Like, "may go to play offs" good. Normally, I would be like, "Ah, our local team is on the cover of Sports Illustrated! Cool!" and that would be that. However, since DH is a fan, it's been all baseball, all the time around here.

To say I am over this whole thing would be an understatement. I am so tired of the sports channel. I am tired of talking baseball. I am tired of listening to my husband and father talk about baseball. I am tired of DH going to games and bringing home fake plastic helmets that once held nachos. (You can't put them in the dishwasher and they are impossible to store.) Normally, I would have my husband and TV back by now but that isn't the case. From April until October, it has been BASEBALL!!!!

Ugh.

At least when they were losers, I could watch my own TV shows and talk about something other than baseball. I'm happy that they are having two great years in a row but... is the season over yet?

The Rain in Spain: Stuff I Get Done

When the husband is away, the wife... well, I'm not playing, I'm working! I apparently have some bee in my bonnet and I suddenly must do ALL THE THINGS that we've been putting off. Since Adam has been gone, I have:

trimmed and weeded the front bushes

swept the garage

trimmed back the mint plants that were going to over take the deck

cleaned off said deck

painted the playset with outdoor paint

helped the kids wash out the trash and recycling cans. Memo to self: make sure all the dust from the vacuum is in a bag, double sealed, because ew.

watered the garden

moved the compost bin. And when I say "we" I mean "my mom, the original hippie." I helped. Joseph manned the hose.

mopped the kitchen

deep cleaned Camille's room

bought school supplies

had yummy lunches with my mom

had yummy ice cream and wine, but not at the same time, with my mom

got the dog a new collar since he shrunk out of his old one

got the kids some winter/school clothes

And there's still more to do! I need to find George some size six shorts because he refuses to stop growing. Camille says she is "not that into Disney Princesses" anymore and would like some new sheets. I can respect that, so sheet-shopping we will go. If I can, I may borrow a power washer from a friend and really get at the cob webs that are everywhere in the house. Oh, and I need to sell off some 31 stuff.... anyone need a bag?

I'm going to be exhausted when Adam gets home!

The Rain in Spain...

Okay, there's actually no rain and five of the six of us are not in Spain. But... I ache and am bone tired so the fact that I can come up with a title is... a miracle.

Let me back the rain-train up. When I said "five of the six of us are not in Spain" what I mean is "Adam got sent on a business trip to Spain and none of us fit in his suitcases and I think his pictures are mocking us." Pictures like this:

This is the view from his hotel room. I love the man deeply but I currently hate him.

Backing way up to two weeks ago, Adam called me from work at nine in the morning. I answered the phone with, "Uh-oh."

"Why uh-oh?" he asked.

"Because a phone call from you in the morning means you either left something at home or you have bad news!"

I won't say it was bad news, because someone ill or dying is bad news. But the co-worker who was supposed to head to Spain en-route home from his job in Asia has... a toothache.

You bet I cursed like a sailor when I heard that. I mean, a dang TOOTHACHE. People. I gave birth and WALKED OUT OF THE HOSPITAL ten hours later. And he has to come home for a toothache?!

Adam clarified that it is more than a toothache; it's a "fly straight home, do not pass go, head straight to the oral surgeon and here's some antibiotics until then" type toothache. I had a little more sympathy for the guy but not much.

Thankfully, Adam called my mother to make sure she could come to visit while he was gone. She can AND his parents helped out! The last time Adam had to go away for over a week, it was an epic mess around here. Coupled with summer break, no camps, Therapy Week and so on, I was sure this would be worse but it shouldn't be, not with help.

Adam left early Saturday morning and I did the whole pick up and drop off from cello club and AG "camp." Then Grandma and Grandpa took the older ones. It was supposed to be from 2 Saturday until 2 Sunday but they got in at five! They had a great time with their grandparents.

I had the little boys and we went to Mass, where the only Commandment I didn't break was "thou shalt not murder." We left alive but barely. I was ready to strangle the boys. They KNOW how to behave at Mass and normally sit in the pew with their penguins and read the missal. Yesterday they ran around the cry room and were so loud. I did the "Receive and leave" thing before bolting. I took them home where we watched the cartoons the older kids don't like and had snacks for dinner. They went to bed late but that was the whole point of going to Saturday Mass- we could sleep in the next morning!

I was glad we could sleep in because I stayed up late watching The Book Thief. It was really good and followed the book pretty closely. I'm always amazed when a movie is nearly as good as the book. I think I can count on one hand when that happens!

Today I was super busy: mopped the kitchen floor, deep cleaned Camille's bedroom for when Mom comes, dusted my room, trimmed the bushes, watered the trees, swept the garage, cleaned off the back deck, trimmed back the mint plant that was about to overtake the deck, put on the sprinkler and painted the play set. Oh, and Higgins escaped two times because he is too small for his collar but I refused to go after him. If he's dumb enough to run away...

Tonight a friend I hadn't seen in ages stopped by. We ended up chatting for hours and the end result is a very crabby five year old who has been up two late nights in a row. Tomorrow will bring house cleaning and a much needed pool day!

Quick Takes Friday: Harry, Hunger, FanGirl moments and, oh yeah, the kids

1. Seriously. Huge Hunger Games fan here. I adore the whole thing. I was so late to the party but I am totally into it now and cannot wait for Mockingjay: Part One to be released the day after George's birthday! (I love you kid but I am going to be in line the moment that theater opens.) I especially love how they are promoting the movie. The propaganda is so in line with the books! I am so picky about my book-to-movie adaptions and these have been really, really well done. Better than the first Harry Potter movies and defiantly better than Percy Jackson. (Please, Hollywood, never ever let Chris Columbus near a children's book to movie script. Please.)

photo credit: here

Click here to see what President Snow has to say about Unity.

2. Speaking of THG and HP, how did the internet not blow up with sheer awesomeness when this happened?

3. Is it wrong that I am re-considering a bob based off J-Law's (oh, yeah, I went there) haircut? I had one before and grew it out. Maybe it is time to reconsider that again.

4. Memo to self: You are a 35 year old, overweight housewife and mother of four who lives in the midwest. Stop trying to be cool.

5. Okay, adorable things my kids have said:

Cole: I hungee!
Me: What do you want to eat?
Cole: ummm (thinks hard) Food!

***
George: Cole, haven't you been wanting to swim underwater YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!

***
Me, sitting at the head of the table: I feel like the lady and mistress of the table! I am in charge!
Joe: And that's why the table at blahblahblah peace talks was round!

And, no, it wasn't a King Arthur or Knights of the Round table reference.

6. Okay, fangirl moment again: You can read JK Rowling's new short story about the Harry Potter characters here. I admit that I loved it. Harry is supposed to be my age, so it was cool to see an update on "Dad-Harry" not "Boy-Wizard-Harry."

7. Bombshell moment: I went way out of my comfort zone and offered myself as tribute, I mean for consideration for a potential coaching position. Long story, weird story but there we go. Maybe this year will be the one where I go all ballsy into life?

You know the drill: Go to Conversion Diary and have your own fandom moments with Jen!

Those days

I write about my family and my feelings. I don't write about other people on this blog, generally, for privacy reasons and because this blog is about us. Therefore, when I write this, I am speaking of only my emotions and how I deal with things, not other family members.

I wish I had some magic words to tell you how to survive the first "angel-versary" of a loved one. I wish I could write and article that says if you do this, this and this, your day will be perfect, you will be fine and not collapse into a sobbing heap.

I got nuttin'.

I did survive, as you can see. I think the days leading up to yesterday were worse, though. It was like the anticipation was worse than the real day. I was super tired- not physically, I couldn't nap- but emotionally. My writing muse took off for Parts Unknown and forgot to take me too. I kept myself busy with a little sewing and a little reading and alot of pool time with the kids.

Friends sent me texts and messages and kept me occupied at the pool. I think being out, in the sun, with people I love really helped. I had a slice of lemon tart for lunch (does Trader Joe's make anything bad? I think not!) and took the kids to Sonic Happy Hour.I cut some roses from the garden and put them on the mantel. It was a normal day, but not. Kinda like the last year has been.

Normal, but not. I suppose that describes everything, huh?

A Life of Faith

The other day I heard two woman chatting and one woman was clearly in love with her life. She said to her friend, "I have everything I ever wanted! What did I do to deserve such a wonderful life?"

Her friend patted her hand and said, "You're living a life of faith, dear. Of course God would bless such a wonderful and faithful person!"

I left before I punched that woman in the face or threw up on her. Or both.

Okay, well, crying would have been on the plate too.

See, I hear this all the time. "I prayed for your healing and God listened!"

"You are such a faithful person! Of course you have a nice house and life! God only blesses the faithful!"

"I have a wonderful new house, my husband/myself was promoted at work and the kids are straight A little darlings! We are so blessed!"

Here's the thing: if your baby is premature, you are still blessed. If you prayed for something and the opposite happened, God still heard your prayer. If you just lost your job, your spouse, and your kids are the kind who don't make straight A's, you are still blessed.

See, when I hear "you got just what you wanted because you are a faithful person!" it reminds me that I didn't get my heart's desire and makes me feel like a crappy, horrible person who didn't pray right or do God's will. It's an insult to people who pray and sacrifice and offer up in hopes of something happening and having God gently say "no" to their request. Plus, it makes us sounds like needy, whining little children who tug at our Father's robes pleading, "I promise to love and feed him and walk him every single day for the rest of my life and never ever EVER ask for another thing EVER if you let me keep the puppy!"

If you really think that having the perfect faith is a recipe for a Pinterest-perfect life, you're only fooling yourself. Now, of course, you should pray and offer up and praise God and all that jazz. Just remember that God will answer your prayer but it might not be in the way you wanted... because, even though it doesn't seem like it, God can see the big picture.

Snap, crackle, pop!

The kids, Adam and I spent the Fourth at my parents' house, attending my sister's baby shower, smell the new baby, playing with the nephews and stuffing ourselves with ribs. I held the new baby, read tons of books to two year old Moose, entertained him with crazy cats videos (look for the Pallas cat video- hours of entertainment in a 47 second clip!), smelled the baby, hung out with Zee, smelled the baby and did I mention there was a baby to smell?

My newest nephew loves me. He proved this when he pooped all over me. When I changed him and borrowed a shirt from my mom, he promptly puked on it. Thanks, Rainbow.

The baby shower went great. We held it at a frozen yogurt shop and the owners were super nice. They only charged us for the yogurt and not the room. It was quiet and we got to chat as much as we wanted. And smell the baby, of course!

Because we are proud Americans, we blew stuff up! My brother in law set of sparklers and stuff in the driveway, including chicken who, according to Joe, pooped atomic eggs.

Joe went with friends to their land to set off rockets and hike. He was gone all afternoon and got home at ten at night. We shoved him in the shower before feeding him a huge bowl of pasta with Nono's meat sauce. He was exhausted and happy!

Now we are home and everyone is tired, crabby, full of sugar and exhausted. I'm planning on laying low this week before all sorts of fun begins in WI!

Summer Reading List

(This post contains affliate links via Amazon. I get a small kick back if you purchase items via these links.)

Joseph, Camille and I have committed to read 10 books each this summer. I don't know about those little turkeys but I am working my way through several. (We have a bet going about who is going to read the most. So far, I am winning! HA!) Some of my top favorites have been:

The Fault in Our Stars:  I was ambivalent about reading this book but I ended up loving it. As I said on a friend's Facebook wall, "Anyway, I was also impressed with the length of the book. It could have easily been much longer but it was short. It has enough of what we need to know and no more but the characters are incredibly complex. Even their parents, who are minor characters, are pretty well rounded. I have (thank you, God, no hints!) ZERO experience with childhood cancer (and would like to keep it that way, thankyouverymuch) but it seems like it is a fairly realistic portrayal. 
Someone commented (on Amazon, so not the be all and end all of reviews) that they felt the dialogue was "fake" and not realistic of teenagers. I felt the dialogue fit the characters perfectly. It's in line with their personalities and life experiences. Plus, I have read so many stories with very bad, horrible, no good, terrible dialogue that it was AWESOME to read something that is INTELLIGENT."

Rhett Butler's People- The only official sequel to Gone With the Wind, as approved by Margaret Mitchell's estate. (I'm looking at you, Scarlett.) The novel tells the story of GWTW from Rhett's (third-person) point of view. His background, and his relationship with Belle Watling, is explained. Not only do you learn more about Rhett but the author delves into the mind of Melanie Wilkes too. Scarlett fans, be warned- she's not really in the book much! Much like Rhett pops in and out of GWTW, she pops in and out of this book. Events that are fairly major in the original novel, such as the death of Bonnie, are glossed over in this book. That's not to say they aren't there- they are- but since the readers know what happened, it's just mentioned in passing. It doesn't distract from the novel but rather gives space over to events the reader might have wondered about.

A novel about Mammy is rumored to come out this fall and I am looking forward to it!

The Kane Chronicles- Joseph received The Red Pyramid for his birthday and when he finished it, I stole it. To be honest, I like the Percy Jackson series and the Heroes of Olympus books better but that's not stopping us from devouring the story of Carter and Sadie Kane. Side note: Joseph and I want a hellhound and now a cat named either Bast or Muffin. I wouldn't be opposed to an albino crocodile either. 

Something Other Than God- The conversion story of atheist turned Catholic Jennifer F of Conversion Diary fame. The majority of the book focuses on her study of Catholicism and how her very scientific and logical mind came to accept and believe in God. It's not a heavy or deep in that it won't take a theology degree to understand anything. She explain why she/we believe what she do and how she came to God.Ir's not preachy at all and  I think people of all faiths would enjoy her journey of discovery.

The Selection- The back of the book puts it perfectly, "It's the Hunger Games meets the Bachelor with the bloodshed" (on both parts). Both The Selection and The Elite are light reads but they do suck you in! I want credit for having read the first two and NOT running out the next day to grab The One. Is it as good as The Hunger Games? Uh, no. But for a dystopian fairy tale it's pretty awesome.

What's up next? I have The Book Thief on my nightstand. I was saving it for our trip this summer but, you know, it called to me. I'm definatly buying The One. After that, I'm not sure! Any suggestions?