Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Vulnerable

There are certain areas of my life that I am really sensitive about. Most people (well, the ones who care about us) know to simply not go there. I'm not asking people to not bring up real concerns but certain things just . . . hit me in the wrong spot.

When these things are brought up, I do deal with it. I talk to my husband. I have safe people who know and love me enough to over look my flaws. They let me vent. I have safe places too- private forums, my church.

Now, one of these places is no longer safe.

The kids, myself and my husband are fine. No one is hurt . . . except one of those "do not even go there" spots was hit. And it it hurt. It still hurts.

I hate judging. I hate snotty judge-y people. It came to light today that they are watching us, judging us, looking at our parenting, our reactions. These people do not know us; although they know us by sight, I seriously don't know if they are our friends. But one place that I thought was safe, free from prying eyes where people would scorn us, isn't.

And it really, really hurts.

This place is a place I want to go. It's a place I need to go to. But now . . . now I don't know if I want to go back. I know I should. But should and want and will are three very different things.

Outside, I am calm and fine. Inside, I am a rolling sea. I pray the boat does not capsize.

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