Althought I have been, historically, quick to anger and slow to forgive I actually have a fairly long rope. For the most part, I honestly don't get offended easily and the only ones who can REALLY offend me are a) hard core stupid people and b) those close to me, like my husband and family. I have a pretty high tolerance level for kid-crap, hard situations and general life suckiness.
But when I reach the end of my rope, I reach it AND fall off the cliff.
Adam has been on overtime for a very.long.time. He tries to get up early in the morning but no matter what time he gets up, he showers, dresses, feeds the dog, lets the dog out, grabs some food to go and gets. I'm left to shower with 2 whiney kids and 2 SCREAMING, CRYING babies. Not only do I have to clean up from the night before, but I have to feed them, dress two of them and get Joseph off to school on time.
I know when it is five pm not because of the clock but because Cole and Georgie both start crying and Joseph and Camille begin to fight.
When Adam gets home at seven, he reads the two older ones a story, puts them to bed (maybe), eats dinner and walks the dog. I clean as much as I can, fold laundry and try to get to bed before 11. Last night, I had crawled into bed and was almost asleep when he came in, rattled around on his dresser and kept asking me if I knew where two items were.
All of this is no bueno dude.
Needless to say, I have fallen off my rope. I can't do it anymore. I cannot be the only one who cooks, cleans, does all the physical and emotional parenting and nothing else. No reward. No gym time. Nothing. Over and over again, I hear how we have "no money" (we never have any money- I don't believe this). I don't buy treats for myself very often, maybe a latte once a month. I rarely take the kids out to eat. I never get help or a thank you. No one offers to watch my kids so I can go to the gym. I can't get up at 5 am to exercise. And I am battling a plugged duct.
This morning was no good, very bad, awful, terrible. I lost it. The babies had been crying, together, for 1.5 h ours. I couldn't put Cole down or unlatch Georgie from my leg to feed the other two. I couldn't get coffee. And then Joseph nagged and whined at me to fix his lovey.
I lost it.
When I calmed down, I asked Joseph if he wanted a vacation day. He said yes and offered to watch the babies so I could fix his blanket. Cue GUILT! I said no, if he stayed home he would get to play and have a mini vacation, not watch the babies.
He stayed home and we did nothing this morning but crafts and fixed his blanket. We went to the cloth diapering store to get a teething necklace for Georgie and found a hot/cold Sigg bottle for Adam for Christmas. We went to Whole Foods for Pizza and the lady in front of us let us "cut" in line and told me how cute and sweet my kids were. Then we dropped Cami off at preschool and came home.
Things have to change around here. I cannot do all the housework. I need help or a reward of some sort but I am so tired of sitting around the house, constantly cooking and cleaning while everyone else seems to have fun. Adam and the kids go out and I am stuck with the clingy baby, a plugged duct and a house to clean- again. I'm over it, it's done and something will change-now.