The Conclave begins today.
And I am envious!
No, I don't want to be a Cardinal. I really don't want to be Pope. I mean, come on, I'm all cool with the "no female priests" deal.
I just... want to be there.
I struggle with envy. I really do. And last night, man it was hitting me hard. I was reading a few blogs I follow- Mommy blogs but the women live with their families in Europe. They are there for different reasons but a few of them have up close and personal views of the conclave. Like, they are in Rome.
Holy white smoke, people, in Rome! During the conclave! Heck, forget the whole "during the conclave" thing. They are IN ROME. I am envious of anyone who has been to Europe alone, let alone Italy and Rome. Italy is among the many, many places on my bucket list.
Okay, before I got any farther, let me just state that I know how hard it is to live in a different country. We spent 2 years in Korea. While I don't have the perspective that my mother has, my siblings and I did experience challenges as Americans living overseas. While I can't speak for the rest of my family, I will whole-heartily say that living in South Korea was one of the best experiences of my life. While I'm not fond of "getting to places" and "coming home from places" I love being in new places, traveling, seeing historic sites.
Forget, for a moment that I have two kids who need to learn to speak English before they learn another language. Forget that my husband is a stick in the mud who hates traveling and has never taken the entire family on a real vacation. (I'm not talking Disney, people. My expectations are low... let's travel six hours to visit an awesome zoo!) Forget the fact that my kids are insanely routine driven and several of them do not like change and only grudgingly adapt to new experiences. Forget all that... and, hell yes, if the chance came to move my family overseas, I would be ON IT like white on rice.
And yet... I hear complaining. The houses are different, the food is different, they don't like little cafes, they want fast food. There's no dryer, no dishwasher.No Target, Wal-Mart or mall. They aren't adventurous.
I am all, "Oh, cry me a river people! Of course it's different! It's NOT AMERICA! You have the once in a lifetime experience of living in a fogien country!Enjoy and embrace the differences! No dryer! I always hang my clothes to dry in the summer. Big deal! No ranch dressing! I have a recip or that. No laundry soap? Chuck me some arm and hammer and Borax and I'll make it! Dude! I adapt! Pick me to go there!"
Yes, I am envious, Because... because that is what I want. Hand my life taken a different turn... it could have been me there, rasing a family in a different country, experiencing all the wonderful challenges and changes.
I don't consider myself adventurous but maybe I am. But... at the end of the day, I am right where I need to be, right where God wants me to be, living a quiet suburban life, waiting for news of the new Pope in my lving room in the Midwest. I might be envious of those hanging out in St. Peter's square, envious of their life... but this is where I am, where I am supposed to be..
Even if, for a moment, I wish I was there.