Wednesday, September 12, 2012

What the dog ate

We have a giant, 120 pound pain in the . . . I mean, we have a giant 120 pound dog named Higgins.

Higgins has two hobbies: sleeping and counter surfing.

Higgins doing what he does best- nothing

I will fully admit that it's not so much "counter surfing" as "walking by the counter with his mouth open and shoveling food in." He's so big that the counter isn't a challenge for him. Food cannot be left out at all; we have to put it away before we leave the room or it is his.

Thursday I made two loaves of zucchini bread and 3 dozen banana zucchini muffins. I used farm fresh eggs, whole wheat flour, flax seed and coconut oil. In short, these breads were healthy and expensive. Oh, and perhaps I should mention that they were for the teachers at school and a friend who just had a baby?

I timed everything just right. I made the breads over an hour before we had to get George from school. I knew they would be cooked and would just need to cool while I did the pick up, took him to speech and went to the petting zoo afterwards. I stashed the muffins in the microwave but had no place to put the (still cooling) bread.

"Well," I thought, "I'll just pop it in the oven with the door slightly open. No one is home so it doesn't matter if the oven door is slightly open." I popped the breads in the oven, left it ajar, told the dog he was DEAD MEAT if he touched the bread and went on my merry way.

I mean, there's NO WAY a dog is going to go anywhere near an oven that was recently 350 degrees, right?

I was sorta right. I took the boys to George's speech and to the petting zoo. I was going to take George to TKD after the zoo, but I realized that I had forgotten the uniform. I ran home, ran upstairs to grab his uniform and ran to the basement to get some hamburger (which was really liver, ew!) for dinner. I put the hamburger in the (turned off) microwave for safe keeping and noted that the bread was still safely in the oven. I patted Higgins on the head, said, "Good boy!" and ran out the door.

Not twenty minutes later, I was home again. George had fallen asleep and could not be woken up for TKD. I carried him in the from the car . . .  and noticed the oven door was wide open.

And there were crumbs all over the door and my floor.

And only ONE loaf of bread in the oven.

There was ADAM'S DOG sitting happily on the living room carpet with an EMPTY bread pan between his legs! His look was pure innocence as I snatched my bread pan from his paws and dialed my husband at work.

"Do you want to know what YOUR DOG just did?!"

A loaf of healthy (expensive!) zucchini bread right down his hatch! I mean, I'm happy that he didn't break my loaf pan. But seriously? Why did he pick that 20 minute window to open the oven door and get out the bread? And how did he get it out without hurting the pan, the oven, the oven door or the other loaf of bread?

I'm beginning to think this dog isn't a canine, but human. A human with no impluse control but a human.

At least the teachers' party isn't for another week so I have time to make some more bread!

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