Let the Little Ones Come to Him: Books for Catholic Kids

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Some of my friends and I are on a mission. It's a tough one but we've chosen to accept it. The mission? Find Catholic books for our kids that aren't saccharine, out dated and feature fun, modern families living the faith. Bonus points if the drawings look like they were made in this century!

I'm going to hell for those comments, aren't I?

It seems that while the secular evangelical mass market on books, DVDs, media, WWJD-wear and the like has exploded AND kept up with the times, much of what is available is for Protestant children and youth. While many, many of these books are benign, I wanted books that taught my children about our Catholic faith- the Mass, saints, Eucharist, sacraments and more. My quest for these types of books has lead me to some awesome books:

Saints of Note is a fun book for children from about second to sixth grade. The stories are presented in comic book/graphic novel format and feature a wide selection of popular AND lesser known saints. The drawings are fun, bright and appealing to children. The chapters are short and perfect for bedtime stories or for those children who are just beginning to read chapter books. I love that the saints the children visit are diverse in both the time periods they live in and their race/ethnic background. After each "visit" there is biographical information on each saint, complete with photographs and pictures.

Joseph and Chico: The Life of Pope Benedict the XVI as Told by His Cat: This hardcover book is the life of Pope Benedict as told by a cat! It's presents the life-story of our current pope in a fun and entertaining manner without "dumbing down" the text for children. I think the story of the Pope through the eyes on an animal makes the Pope a bit more human and access able to children; plus, the cat as a narrator is pretty funny!
The illustrations are done in water-color, I believe, and feature a cat on every page. I think it is best for second grade on up, but it can be read to younger children. The books does discuss Nazi Germany and I found myself "editing" those parts when I read them to my preschool-aged children. Now that my Joseph is older and understands about war, he could read them, as they are not terribly graphic.
There's another book, Max and Benedict, by the same author that might work its way into an Easter basket this year!

Little Acts of Grace and other books by the authors, are great for children of small ages. They are paper back but sturdy and perfect for Mass. The illustrations are well done yet simple and feature children from a large variety of backgrounds. The language is simple enough for children in first grade to read with help . We also have the Mass Book for Children, Catholic Prayer Book for Children and one about Mary. I recommend them all!

We Go to Mass  (by St. Joseph Board Books) are simple stories for young children. The illustrations are a bit old-fashioned for my tastes but are well done. The text explains the Mass in simple, easy to understand terms. Our copy has a handle on the top, making it a great book for littles one to carry around. This book, and others put out my St. Joseph Board Books, makes a great baptismal gift for any child and is great as part of a "quiet time" bag for Mass.

Celebrating Mass is another St. Joseph Board Books. We have the copy shown and for a long time, it was toddler George's favorite book because he could open it easily, thanks to the large tabs! (I think the priest in the illustrations looks like him!) The pictures are brightly colored, well drawn and simple. All the important elements are there but there is not "extra" clutter in them. The pictures and short text appeal to young children.

I really love A Peek Into My Church. The narrator is a little girl named Libby who takes you on a tour of her parish and neighborhood. Along the way, she explains how Communion wafers are made, the different things priests and nuns do, the articles of Mass and more. It's a great way to show children how universal the church is and a wonderful example of the Church in action, at home and in the community. Bonus: At the end, there are pictures of different articles of Mass, what the priest wears and so on, with the proper labels. When you kid asks, "Why does Father wear a dress?" you can explain exactly what that "dress" is and all the items he wears under it! (Yes, a kid really did ask that and, no, it wasn't mine!)

The board books in the Walking with God seris is my go-to baptism gift for babies. The one shown is "Count Your Blessings" and it, like all the others in the seris, feature soft black and white photographs of thing babies love! This book has many pictures of faces, children playing and sweet toys. The simple text makes a perfect before-bedtime book and it's easy enough for beginning readers to read to younger siblings. We also have "The Little Shepard" which, again, feature simple text and lovely black and white photogaphs. These are great new baby gifts or in Easter baskets!

Of course, these aren't all the great Catholic books out there for kids! What books have you read that you recommend?

Honesty in Illness and Death

Welcome to the February 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Honesty This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about authenticity through honesty. We hope you enjoy this month's posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Self-Expression and Conformity. ***  

 

This essay is also part of the "Let the Little
Ones Come to Him" seris.

Our family is very lucky and somewhat unusual. My husband and I have four living grandparents (total!), and many aunts, uncles and cousins. Not only do they know their great-grandparents, but they see everyone at least once a year.  They have loving relationships with all these people and look forward to seeing them. They are very, very blessed.

But with this blessing comes a downside: the knowledge that, at a young age, they will likely have to deal with the illness and/or death of many people they love. Because they know all their relatives on a personal level, I imagine it might be harder for them than it might be for the average child, who only knows their great-extended-family through pictures and the odd card.

I have never wanted to shield my children from some of the harder life-topics, like birth and sexuality. We talk openly and honestly about how babies are made and the physical differences between boys and girls. But when the questions about death came, spurred on by the death of our beloved dog,  I found myself hemming and hawing. We had explained that the dog was dead and she was in heaven- wasn’t that enough? It wasn’t for our Herd and in the days and months that followed, we were asked the hard questions about death, dying and what happens to people and animals after they die. The questions, and my determination to answer them as openly and as honestly as possible,  forced me to talk to them about this tough topic. In the end, I was more comfortable discussing death and the afterlife than I was born.

Why was I comfortable with questions about the beginning of life, but not the end?

I’m sure part of it is the stage of life we are in. With four children and many of our friends and families still having babies, pregnancy and birth are topics of frequent conversations. Generally, birth is a happy topic and people like discussing happy things. Death, though, isn’t considered happy and our first instinct as parents is to shield them from life’s difficulties. When death came to our house, the first thing I wanted to do was say, “Yeah it happened but let’s get back to the happy stuff!”

My instinct was normal but not necessarily good. Childhood is the time to learn how to handle “big emotions” in a healthy way, so they can know how to deal with these emotions when they are adults. I needed to show them healthy ways of dealing with something that is very difficult.

Recently, this topic has come up again but in a much, much more difficult way than the family dog: a member of our extended family is very ill. My children are older and their understanding of illness and death is much more complex than it was before. The hard questions are coming again, but this time they are about a human, not a dog.

 It would be easy to shield my children from this event, as our extended family is not physically close to us. However, I’ve chosen to be age-appropriately open and honest with them. For one, I know they might overhear my husband and myself talking and I don’t want them to think we are the ones who are sick. They have also seen me upset and crying, something that can be scary for children. I think that knowing why Mommy is crying makes it easier for the children to see; plus, it acknowledges that crying is a healthy response to upsetting news.

As Catholics, many of my answers to their questions are rooted in our faith. The children have gone with my to the church to light candles, asking various saints for their intercession. I have encouraged the children to pray for our family member, both in their personal prayers and when we pray as a family. We also have sent cards and drawn pictures. They like being able to do something for the person that is ill.

Our family member is doing well but that doesn’t erase the knowledge that no one knows when they will pass on to the next world. Whether or not the children will attend funerals depends on a variety of factors. My husband and I agree that they will likely travel with us but we will not force them to view a body or approach a casket. We plan on reminding them that the body is just a shell; a person’s soul lives on forever. It may be very hard for them to see people they love mourning but I hope that seeing adults mourn reassures them of the fact that everyone deals with these big emotions- they are hard and hurt but they are normal and healthy.

For me, walking with my children through the hard questions and experiences about illness, death and dying is one of the hardest parts of parenting. I wish could keep all the hurts of life from them, especially things like this. However, I can’t and I hope that by being open and honest with them, I help them handle a difficult situation in a healthy manner.

Tips for answering questions about illness, death and dying:

1. Be honest: it's okay to say that you don't know the answer to something.

2. Be age appropriate: What I tell my children about illness and how the body works depends on their age and understanding. My older children may receive a more complex answer than my younger kids.

3. Assure them of love: I always tell the kids that I love them and the person who is ill or has died loves them too. Love never dies.

4. Remind them it is okay to mourn, cry and ask hard questions: I've told the children that they can ask me anything and I won't get mad. I know they might be mad at God and ask why He took this person from them. It's okay to have those feelings too: God can handle it.

5. Allow them to see you mourn, but it's also okay to ask for privacy and cry in private. I've also set limits with our children and asked that they come to myself or my husband with their questions. Other family members might not welcome children's questions when they are dealing with their own emotions and that's okay.

6. Decide what you want to tell them about the afterlife: I think this goes for younger children more than older ones. Younger kiddos seem to want concrete answers more than older children, who can entertain higher level thoughts and explore different beliefs about what happens to a soul when the person dies. Our family is Catholic and we have explained these answers in accordance with the Catholic Church's teachings.

7. Enlist help: There are a variety of books that explain illness and death to children. Use them! There is nothing wrong with asking a consular, child-life specialist or social worker for help. These people are more than happy to give you resources or talk with your children.

 

***
Visit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month's Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!   Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: (This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 22 with all the carnival links.)

• A Lie Is A Lie - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama outlines ten reasons why she believes parents lie to their children on a more than casual bases.
• Telling Truths - Survivor at Surviving Mexico writes about the difficulty in raising a bi-cultural child when cultural norms are not mutually exclusive, specifically in the area of lying.
• Honesty in Illness and Death - Laura at WaldenMommy:Life Behind the Red Front Door writes how she and her husband strive to be open and honest with their Herd of children about tough subjects, especially death.
• Talking Honestly About Death - Amy W. at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work, is glad she chose to be honest with her children about the deaths of their pets, despite her fears of upsetting them.
• Freedom through Honesty - At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy speaks to how honesty allows us to break free of the chains which bind us.
• Guilty Children? - Jorje of Momma Jorje touches on the many ways lies (and accusations of lies) have impacted her abilities as a parent.
• Choosing Our Words: Everyday Honesty With Children - In her guest post at The Badass Breastfeeder, Alice discusses the importance of being honest with children, even when it seems easier not to.
• Truth/Lies...Accuracy, Honesty...Love - Mari from Honey on the Bum talks about how a shift in perspective helps her deal with inaccurate statements and secrets with her kids.

Let the Little Ones Come to Him: Teaching Kids to Behave in Church

This post is the first in a series about children and faith. While I write about the Catholic faith, as that is the religion of our home, many of the ideas can be applied to families of any faith background. Please feel free to pin, tweet, share and like this article, I ask that you keep all comments to me and others respectful. I love healthy, respectful dialogue and anything less than that will be deleted.

When Joseph and Camille were babies, I was determined to teach them how to behave in Mass. Going to church and participating the Mass are important to me, and I wanted to pass that onto my children. Plus, taking care of my spiritual needs is vital to my emotional well being and I think all parents should take the time to take care of their personal spiritual needs no matter how they worship. For some, that might be simply going out into nature. For me, it is the Mass and, most importantly, the Eucharist.

My children, however, ado not naturally come by the "be quiet and sit still" behavior that is often desired for Mass attendance.  More than once I have spent the entire Mas in the Narthex or a cry room, not really hearing anything and keeping my kids from destroying a hymnal. More than once, I have looked on with envy as a family with multiple children from high school to toddler sitting peacefully in the pew, everyone smiling, sitting still, and paying attention. I wondered how they did it. I wondered what drugs they were all on. (I'm kidding! Maybe...)

As the years have passed, I've found that there is no magic solution to make kids behave like the proverbial perfect angels. It seems that whatever worked for my older two doesn't work for my younger two, or I don't have the time to do that activity with them. I guess between all four of them, we've done everything!

1. daily mass- Daily Mass can be a great "training ground" for young children. It is shorter than Sunday Mass (about 20-30 minutes total!) and generally much less crowded. My older children couldn't participate and sit still for 60 minutes, but they could handle 10-15 . . . which is almost all of daily Mass. It was a great way to help them be successful at participating in Mass in an environment that was tailored to their attention span.

2. practicing at home- One of my friend's couldn't take her children to Sunday Mass. She found a Mass on EWTN and played it for her children at home. They learned all the responses, prayers and when to sit, stand and kneel but in the comfort of their own home. This does not "count" as part of an adult's Sunday Obligation but it does help children become familiar with the sites and sounds of the Mass.

3. switching off- One adult can go to Mass with the older children while the other stays home with the little ones. You could also have one adult take the more active child to Mass one on one so they don't have to worry about helping other children as the toddler runs down the aisle. You still might not hear much of Mass but it's easier to help a small child learn the ins and outs of church when you don't have their other siblings there "helping."

4. nursery/preschool CCD- We have used the nursery on and off, depending on the needs of our family, and the dynamics of the nursery. Currently, Cole is very active and I cannot focus on the Mass if he is with me. He likes to run and play "leave the cry room." He's happy in there and I can focus on Mass and leading my older children through it. Is he learning how to behave in Mass? Not directing, although I have a solution for that later!

At our current parish, we have a great option for the 3-5 year olds: preschool CCD. While the adults and older children are at Mass, the preschool age children learn about our faith in an age appropriate manner. They have class 3 Sunday's a month and the fourth Sunday they attend Mass with the grown-ups. This set-up allows them to learn about their faith (prayers, Sign of the Cross, Jesus, Bible Stories and saints) and participate in Mass. These classes are not mandatory and I know many parents who do not send their children to preschool CCD. However, it has worked well for 2 of our four children and we plan on enroll in Cole in the fall.

5. going when it is empty-  I recently stumbled on a great trick that helps both my busy little man and my "I go into sensory overload in church!" preschooler: going to the church when it is empty.

A few weeks ago, I dropped my oldest children off at CCD and had to wait around until they were finished. There wasn't enough time to go home or do errands so we walked over to the church to light candles. As soon as we walked in, the boys demeanor changed. They slowed their gait and lowered their excited voice.Quietly, I took the boys to the Holy Water font and showed them how to dip their hands in it and bless themselves. As we walked towards the statues of the saints, George pointed to the Stations of the Cross on the wall and asked me what was happening. I explained each station to him and then the boys helped me light a candle. They were so excited they wanted to go light MORE candles! I happily let them and they stopped in front of Mary to point out the flowers at her feet and the baby Jesus in her arms. Before we left the sanctuary, I pointed out the tabernacle and said, "Jesus is in there!"I happily let them and we spent a good 20 minutes in the dark, quiet church talking about the different statues, the items on the alter and blessing ourselves with Holy Water.

About this time it dawned on me that my boys were learning how to behave in church at their own pace and in a relaxed, happy manner. They loved taking as much time as they want to look at all the statues and paintings. When they genuflected before the tabernacle (and there is nothing cuter than a toddler trying to genuflect!), lit candles and peered into the Holy Water font, they were practicing for their future participation in Mass. For my little boys, this is the perfect set up to learn about their faith with me!

6. Cry room- Ah, the ever present cry room that invokes heated debates on parenting forums. It can either be a great teaching tool or a near occasion of sin for parents. For me, it's a bit of both. I love how the parents at my parish participate in the Mass while they are in the cry room and how it is reserved for small children. Kids are still being shown the Mass but their age appropriate manner (and voices!) can't bother anyone and they are free to move around. At the encouragment of our priest, the parents don't "make it their home" and only take their children to the cry room when they become rowdy.

However, it is not like this in every parish. In some parishes, the cry room is a free for all where the parents play on their phones, talk to each other and allow the kids to have full on fast food picnics. (Yep, true story!) As with anything, each family has to decide if the cry room is a great teaching tool for your family... or if it will give you more fodder for the Confessional.

7. Just take 'em-  I know this is the most obvious but for some families, the nursery, cry room or splitting masses with a spouse are not options. If want to have all your children with you in Mass, from the big kids who can sit still to the toddler who screams, "Poopyhead!" then you should. The nursery or cry room is an option, not a mandate. When you have the days when you don't hear a word of the homily and there are runs in your panty hose before the first reading, remember that this is a) a season in your life and b) there are graces from simply attending Mass. Your crying baby is the living, breathing future of the church and she has just as much right to be before Jesus as anyone.

This list isn't ment to be exhaustive and I am by no means a parenting expert on taking children to church (or anything else, for that matter). I'd love to hear from other parents about what did and didn't work for their family! Please leave a comment in the ComBox.
(Want more tips for dealing with children during Mass? Please check out my article on the Natural Parents Network, Tips for Managing Children During Worship Service.)